(Closed) one of my possible bridesmaid is a tranny

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 17
Member
6391 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

View original reply
@bebefly: I’m assuming this is a word she and her friend use  together. If it doesn’t upset the friend, I wouldn’t worry about it.

OP: Have you tried having a heart to heart with your mom about it? If you were to tell her that you didn’t feel right getting married without your best friend, who identifies herself as a woman, standing beside you in a dress, she might relent. My own mother is very…stubborn, and she gave in on a few points because I was able to explain how very important each decision was to me.

Post # 18
Member
1077 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I’m sure being close to her, you know what is truly best and what questions and level of honesty with your friend would be hurtful.

ONLY if she has a flexible gender identity would it be OK to ask her to come “as a man”, IMO.

Although it may be upsetting to your mom, I don’t see it as an act of love towards her to ask your friend to come in what amounts to mens drag if she identifies as solely a woman.

Post # 19
Member
1077 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

View original reply
@bebefly:  It’s a word used with pride by many around here.

Post # 20
Member
1041 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I would talk to your mom and not your friend. Your friend is who she is and should not have to change for your mother. If you love her and want her by your side then everyone else has to accept it. Your mother cant control what others do. You should tell your mom that while you value her feelings and opinions, you really want your friend to be herself and you hope that she (your mom) can understand and respect your wishes.

 

Post # 21
Member
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

If I were in your situation, I would tell my mom that she is my best friend and she is a bridesmaid, and if she looks great as a woman and no one can really tell, then your mom shouldn’t tell anyone she’s not and no one will even know.

Post # 22
Member
1148 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

View original reply
@KatyElle: <– totally agree with this.  Your mom has to accept her for what she is, and she shouldn’t have to tiptoe around someone’s outdated beliefs.

Post # 23
Member
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

 Really, if you’re okay with her being transexual you should get behind her. If your mother doesn’t want her walking down the aisle in a dress- I would get married somewhere else. It seems a little hypocritical.

Post # 24
Member
814 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

It would be so insulting to ask your friend to wear man’s clothes. It’s YOUR wedding, not your mother’s. She needs to grow up and let you enjoy your special day.

Post # 25
Member
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m sorry but just becasue you love you mother dosen’t mean that you need to cater to her bigotry.  You have forgotten about the option of having your best friend wear a dress, and that is exactly what I think you should do. 

I think there is no way she is your best friend becasue you care about not hurting your mom’s friends but you sure don’t seem to mind hurting your friend’s, and your friend actually would have a reason to be hurt if you told her the truth, unlike your mom and her friends

Post # 26
Member
4822 posts
Honey bee

I was thinking about this and we do not have enough information. There is a big difference between a transexual (someone who identifies with the other sex) and a cross dresser (old term transvestite) someone who acts and dresses of the opposite sex, but still identifies with the sex they were born in.

Depending which this person is makes a huge difference in what is acceptable to ask them or not. This friend may go to work in mans clothing but prefer to dress as a women at bars and weekends. Which means its OK to ask them to dress more masculine for the church and if they want to change later to a dress, that is fine. 

Post # 27
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Talk to the priest at the church. He is the only one who would be able to tell you if your friend can, by church law, assist in your wedding. I am Catholic, and it was dubious as to whether or not I could even be maid of honor in my best friend’s non-Catholic, Justice of the Peace wedding.

Post # 28
Member
994 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

You are saying you are not a traditional bride, but you are being married by the Catholic Church — which is definitely traditional and has their own rules which you must abide by if you want to be married by them. So you have two choices: you let your friend wear a dress and don’t say a word, or you have to talk to your priest and your mother about what is best.

I’m also not sure if you are talking about a transsexual person or a transvestite.

 

 

Post # 29
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I think the fact that the wedding is going to be in a church is  the issue here. The OP has already said that her mom likes the best friend and cares about her, etc. While I agree that the friend should be a part of the wedding in whatever way the bride wishes, I also understand the hesitancy because of the church being involved. If you really want your friend to be a bridesmaid, maybe consider changing the location so it’s not an issue.

Post # 30
Member
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Please honor your friend by respecting her choices and be proud to have her stand up for you at the wedding.  It sounds like she is vert excited to be a bridesmaid, and I would not take that away from her. 

This is obviously your choice to make, but it seems easier to change a location than to change a friend.

Post # 31
Member
1488 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Your Mom will always love you and be your Mom and with that being said, I say let your best friend in the wedding. Tell your Mom about it 1st so she is not shocked but she should be there with you

 

The topic ‘one of my possible bridesmaid is a tranny’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors