Post # 1
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
Fiance just called me very upset. One of his GMs (and my favorite friend of his) called him and told him that his wife wants a divorce. Neither of us had any clue they were having problems. We spent NYE with them and things seemed fine. I feel really bad for Groomsmen and for Fiance because he’s so sad for his friend and now he feels guilty about us having our wedding given that all this divorce s**t is going to be starting soon.
As if that wasn’t horrible enough news, now Fiance is freaking out thinking that I’m going to randomly leave him out of nowhere. The word pre-nup came up in our conversation and I basically told him to f**k off with that nonsense. I was like, DUDE, you’re losing it right now. Our relationship and their relationship have nothing to do with one another. He was like I know but if this can happen anything can happen, and I was like well like you said you had no idea they were having problems so you don’t know WTF their relationship was really like, do you? He was basically just tweaking out all over the place and projecting and bringing up pre-nups which he would never have done before this and I was finally like WTF DO YOU WANT A PRENUP FOR YOU HAVE NO ASSETS! BRING UP PRENUPS TO ME ONE MORE TIME AND I‘LL LEAVE YOU RIGHT NOW.
Shouldn’t have gone there but he made me lose my temper by just insisting that we are all doomed for failure because this one guy’s relationship didn’t work out. It’s not even finalized that they are for sure divorcing yet, although she refuses to go to counseling. I know I lost my temper and I called back and apologized but I’m NOT cool with him just out of the blue freaking out on me and comparing me to this girl when I am nothing like her.
Post # 3
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
Man, you have some intense groomsmen! So much drama, I’m sorry!
But, I totally understand that seeing his friend’s relationship (which looked good on the outside) crumble, would raise doubts in his head. He is right though–stuff can happen, and he’s just projecting it on you. Poorly might I add. It’s raising some doubts in his mind, just like watching anyone who had what seemed to be a good marriage, fall apart, would do.
And yeah, prenups if you have zero assets IMO…i don’t really get it i guess. But instead of tweaking back on him (which i love that phrase btw, lol), ask him what he wants to protect with a prenup. I bet he’ll go “Uhh…uhh…” and realize there’s really nothing. There’s some fear there. Ask him what it is. Reassure him he has no reason to be afraid or doubtful of YOUR relationship, despite his friends’ relationship.
I think his freak out is relatively legit. If one of my friends was going through this, I coudl totally see myself calling my husband and being like “omg….” and have a freak out minute. If he freaked out BACK on me though, that’d make it way worse than him just reassuring me i’m freaking out over nothin
Post # 4
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
Big hugs. Aw, it’s such a sucky situation to be in! (On a side note this reminds me of the Simpsons – if you watch it – where Milhouse’s parents get a divorce and Homer pre-empts Marge leaving him so gets them a divorce as well).
When we were still talking about marriage FH had a big massive freak out when his cousin broke up with his long term girlfriend thinking that we would do the same. Soon after we got engaged a girl who we’ve known for years came out as having multiple affairs and was thinking of leaving her husband which caused FH to freak out again.
My advice is to speak to him when he gets home. Talking to him face to face and explaining to him that his GM’s relationship isn’t a reflection of your relationship is a discussion you really need to have with him in person.
*hugs* You can do this. And he will come around. Let him freak out for a bit and then gently bring him back to earth. It’ll all be fine and he really needs to be there to support his friend. Remind him of that slowly and it’ll all be ok. So long as he feels secure in his relationship with you.
Post # 5
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
Yeah I’m sure we’ll talk about it later. I already apologized about yelling at him on the phone, but I think we’ll have to have a more in-depth convo about it. I definitely understand why he would freak out given the situation – believe me, this is totally (seemingly) out of nowhere with these two people, they were “that” perfect couple, at least on the outside – but I wish he would have handled it better. Then again, I could have handled myself better, too. Either way, I want to talk to him tonight and try to just reassure him. The problem is it’s kinda hard when I don’t really know what I’m supposed to be reassuring him OF because i didn’t actually do anything to break his trust or cause him to suspect I might in the future, you know? I don’t really know what I’m supposed to say to him.
Post # 6
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
OH, and also, I’m about to send out Save-The-Date Cards for the wedding. So THAT’S awkward. I guess we’re not inviting her? From what I could gather amidst his freakout, it sounds like she moved out so I guess I don’t have to address it to both of them. But this brings up the larger question of how we approach wedding-related stuff with him. I know Fiance is concerned about that, and of course now was the time when we were about to start getting info to the GMs about attire and stuff, and also this particular Groomsmen is in charge of organizing FIs bachelor party.
HOT.MESS.
Post # 7
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
That you remain sane in the midst of your planning never ceases to amaze. Srsly. So. Much. Drama!
Maybe Fiance can have a gentle conversation with his Groomsmen once some of the dust has settled to ask if he’s still up for participating?
Post # 8
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
OMG I know, right?!? It seems like there is drama at every turn lately! It’s mostly all from the guys, too!
Whatevs at least LOST is on tonight and if there’s one thing that makes Fiance and I happy, it’s LOST night.
Do you guys think I should just not mention anything about the guys getting their suits? The wedding’s in August. How long can I wait on that? Should I just not send his STD? I mean, he knows when the wedding is. I don’t want to be all in your face wedding. I really have no idea how to handle this. Not to mention FIs bachelor party plans were just getting into full swing after the debacle with the other Groomsmen trying to steal his idea.
There is so much bat-s**t crazy wackness going on right now. I can’t deal.
Post # 9
Member
2513 posts
Sugar bee
Hmm…
Even with my trust issues, I can’t totally relate to him freaking out on you about that…I mean, I can see where he’s coming from, especially if they were ‘that’ couple like you mentioned & just seemed so great & all, but still… Life happens, crappy things happen, people break up. It’s nothing new and it’s everywhere. I guess it’s because it’s HIS friend that he’s freaking out so much.
My best friend got a divorce about a year ago. Her husband, whom she had been with for 8 years, decided he wanted to leave. He moved in with a girl he was working with and that was that. I didn’t wig out on my hubby (we weren’t married at the time), but maybe I would have if it had surprised me. As it stood, they were definately NOT the perfect couple, and he was the biggest DB in history, so not really any reason to compare him to my hubby…
I think you can work it out. After he thinks about it a little more hopefully he will calm down. That’s pretty funny about the pre-nup thing though “YOU HAVE NO ASSETS” LOL. So mean. But hey, I would have said the same thing if my man wanted one.
Post # 10
Member
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
My husband said something about a pre-nup once after he was freaked out my a friend’s SO’s beahvior. I laughed at him and reminded him how more I make and how neither of us have very much.:)
When you go home give him a little reaasurance. He was acting a little dramatic- you are not the other guys wife- and make sure you tell him you don’t like being compared to people like that. It’s insulting.
Feel better 🙂
Post # 11
Member
454 posts
Helper bee
We can’t help but to be affected by someone elses divorce when they’re close to us. I flipped out on my fiance about 3yrs ago when I found out my cousin was getting a divorce. I was freaking out. Not that I liked her husband, but my cousin and I are so much alike. I have great role models on long term relationships (my parents have been married 36yrs) and my fiance and I rarely fight. But still I needed reassurance. I’m sure your Fiance needs that too. Tell him “honey we’re not Groomsmen & his wife. I didn’t mean what I said, I got upset that you were compairing us to them. I love you. And I know that I don’t want to spend my life with anyone else. That will never change”. You both let your emotions run high before. Just say something soothing to him and he’ll probably calm down.
Don’t send the guy’s STD. He knows when the wedding is. Give it about a month and when you order the tuxes give him a heads up a month ahead of time and make sure he’s done it but other wise just don’t bring it up.
Post # 12
Member
1104 posts
Bumble bee
My parents have been married for nearly 30 years, they are one of the happiest couples I know. But when they went through a period a few years ago where a lot of their friends who had been married the same amount of time were splitting up, Mum had a similar freak out. After 25 years of marriage! So I think it’s pretty normal, it’s good to realise that sh*t happens no matter how much you don’t expect it to and prepare for it if you can (kind of like car insurance to me). I’m sure you guys will figure out a way to support your friend and nurture your own relationship 🙂