- 7 years ago
- Wedding: September 2011
I know it’s because I’m stressed in general. I know it’s because I’m premenstrual. But I’m trying so very hard not to bitch out on everyone!
We’ve been planning our wedding for weeks before he even popped the question. Talking about how things would work, settling on specific dates, etc. I kept getting anxious about when he would actually propose because he’s the one who was pushing more towards an August/Sept wedding in the first place! Now I’m totally on board and we share different reasons, but still.
Last Monday, he proposed. This Monday morning, he asked my dad for his blessing. (Which he didn’t recieve yet. Apparently my dad was like, yeah I’ll give it but we need to know each other a little better first). This Monday night, he told me that he didn’t think we should even set a date until I got more money coming in.
Now that makes sense. And to be honest, it is one of my hangups (although I’m 95% sure that my interview today will hire me!) that I haven’t been able to find anything (they tell you that college will guarantee you a “good” job, but apparently, that only works in lalaland. My interview today was in food service (and not the expensive kind) because I’m over or underqualified or the position has already been filled for everything that I’m wanting to get into) and I would be willing to slow things down on the wedding plans and not dump all our financials onto him. It was the blunt way he said it. Right after I was talking about being scared about money, it was “I don’t think we should set a date” – no lead in, no nothing. He later apologized for that, explained what he had actually meant to say, and offered to take me to the unemployment office (I was laid off months ago, but still had student loan money) and set a date once we knew they would give me my benefits.
That has bothered me all week long. It hurt. Badly. It felt like a rejection of me, not a lets wait. And when I’ve been taking flak from other people as well, I needed him to be my safe place. Monday night we went home and crunched numbers and figured out how we could make it work. But still, I feel like he hasn’t committed to our new date yet. If he doesn’t by the middle of next week, I’m going to go really mega monster lol. I should hear back from my interview by then.
So then yesterday we go to the unemployment office and are second in line for it to open. And I pretty much pass out. Needless to say, we didn’t see about my benefits. Idk what happened or why I passed out, but I work through it and go for another round of job hunting in the afternoon. Then my Mum calls. She and my stepdad (dad) and me and Fiance are having some weird communication issues and I we really just need to sit down and figure out why people aren’t registering what’s being said. That convo also set me waaay off kilter because it seems like my mother doesn’t think that I’m actually looking for work. I thought I’d find something by now too, but…
So I’m still battling my head cold and fretting over my non ideal work situation. Fiance is coming over tomorrow and instead of going to see Jane Eyre as I was really looking forward to (he offered to take me last week, but money got tighter I guess) idk what we’re going to do in actuality. I know that sounds petty and I should think of it as money saved towards the wedding, but I just feel really anxious and stressed and I’m out of ice cream 🙁
Fiance and I can work through the money issues. And the other ones too. But like I said, I’m premenstrual and out of ice cream and he’s not here to work them out with so I’m kind of screwed until tomorrow morning. (And please, don’t tell me that we both need to be really great with our finances before we get married. I’ve already heard all the arguments for that…)