(Closed) One parent richer than the other, who should pay?

posted 11 years ago in Money
Post # 32
76 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I agree that neither is obligated to pay, but it’s hard to do it all yourself! My FH and I were okay with eloping, but our families weren’t, so to me that made them a teensy bit obligated? As to it being rude to ask, we did it anyway! My parents are really bad about bringing things like that up, so I had to do it myself. It was a messy conversation, but we’ve finally come to a point where they’re willing to give us what they can (probably not a ton). But, my FH’s family is much better off, monetarily. I think it’s worked out well, since his mom really wants to help, so she might end up carrying a bigger burden.

Overall, I guess I just think contributions don’t have to be equal!

Post # 33
303 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I just thought of another thing… Did both family give you guest lists of people that you are only inviting for your parents’ sake? My Fiance family did that (ginormous list!!) but my parents didn’t, so at this point if we end up needing a little extra I will be going to FI’s parents because they are the ones whose friends we are feeding and entertaining.

Post # 34
865 posts
Busy bee

i’ve thought about this.  his parents are richer than mine but my dads more willing to give and my mom is pretty much broke on her own.  therefore if i can pay for the wedding myself i will certainly do so but otherwise I think its fair for both families to contribute with what they are comfortable with.  if it is going to cause any dispute then have them give an similar amount, although that might mean you have to budget more.

Post # 35
162 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

While people have pointed out that it’s traditional for the bride’s parents to pay for most of the wedding, that doesn’t mean they have to, or that it would be inappropriate for the groom’s family to.

It’s fine to ASK both sides if they’re willing and able to contribute and how much.  What’s NOT ok is to EXPECT anyone other than you and your fiance to pony up money for your wedding. 

So who has more money really doesn’t matter…it’s up to the families individually how much, if any money, they want to give you regardless of how much they have.

Post # 36
2680 posts
Sugar bee

His parents have more money than mine but mine still paid for the wedding.  His parents definitely pitched in, paid for the alcohol, brunch after, rehearsal, etc.  I think its different with each person.  Can you sit down and talk about it with both your families?  I dont think you should assume his parents will pay but talk to everyone and figure out what everyone is comfortable with.

Post # 37
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’m in a similar situation where my FIL’s are wealthier than my parents. And while it is tradition for the brides family to pay for the wedding – in my culture (Chinese) it’s traditional for the grooms family to pay for the wedding. Since I’m Chinese and my Fiance is not – we’ve thrown almost ALL tradition out the door and are doing things “our way”. If FIL’s want to contribute that’s great..if my parents want to contribute it’s great as well..but we’ve both learned to expect nothing. That said – FIL’s insisted on paying for the reception and my parents are giving us cash to do what we want.

Post # 38
1508 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

My paid a good bit ourselves. My parents gave us a set amount that eneded up covering th catering. His parents picked up the rehersal dinner. His parents decide late in the game to pay our wine bill also. My parents also picked up some incidentials and my Aunt paid for some of the ingrediants for itesm on our cookie table. His brother bought the keg.

Post # 39
1509 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Since the bride’s family traditionally pays for the wedding and the reception, I think it would be inappropriate to ask your FI’s family to help pay for it,  I’m sure they are aware of your parents financial situation, but it is up to them if they OFFER to pay.  If they offer, then wonderful, if not, it really isn’t their responsibility so I don’t think you should ask as it could come out very bad.

Post # 40
2343 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

My FI’s parents are significantly more wealthy than my parents, although my parents are not poor by any means. I definitely understand feeling like you wish they would pay for it. FI’s parents have not offered to chip in, and we eventually did ask them for a few specific things, which they agreed to. I think you have to approach it with tact, but you can ask for financial help from the groom’s parents if you need it and you think they would be willing to give it. Still, it’s never a requirement of anyone to pay for someone else’s wedding – it is always a gift, even from the bride’s parents.

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