Post # 1
- Wedding: Dallas Comic Con/ Fan Expo
So we finally sat down to talk with my fiance’s Dad about the wedding. I admit I avoided that for a while and we got some stuff sorted out. Then he warned me about my fiance’s grandmother (whom I have not met), that there was a good chance she wouldn’t like me as she is disagreeable to most of her family SOs and don’t worry we can distract her with talk of great grandchildren. It was that moment I freaked out internally and basically bolted from the conversation.
You see, I have medical issues. In oder to have children I require IVF and that is iffy, My fiance and I have talked about it a lot and we have decided we will be okay w/o kids, but that is not the issue.
The issue is that none of his family knows about this. And neither one of us knows how to have that conversation or when or even if we should.
I am terrified they will suddenly decide I am not good enough to marry him. (he says that is not true) but still a scary thought.
Post # 2
My advice is to not tell them. It’s none of their business. Just nod and smile through any presumptuous commentary.
Post # 3
It’s none of their business. If grandma doesn’t like you, that’s her problem. Avoid her.
Post # 4
Cimerone: This is not a conversation you ever never to have with them. You are wasting energy worrying about things that are irrelevant.
Post # 5
I agree, I wouldn’t mention it. It’s none of their business.
Post # 6
Who cares if they think you’re not good enough? It’s none of their business.
Same with kids- none of their business and not up for discussion.
Post # 7
Cimerone: Hey bee, sorry you’re in this situation. I can sort of relate.
I have a few medical conditions, the combination of which are going to make it very difficult for me and SO to conceive naturally in the future. We have never actively TTC so Fiance is still hopeful (ever the optimist!) and we will try in the future but after a lot of heart to heart talking, we agreed that if it wasn’t successful, we would seek other options and if they weren’t successful, so be it.
I get on well with FI’s family but they tend to be very judgemental about things. I have had periods of our relationship where I haven’t been able to work due to my health and his family have little jibes at me over that. Future Father-In-Law especially has implied that Fiance ‘could do better’ in the past bit luckily, Fiance has his own mind and disagrees.
Every time a member of FI’s family has a baby we get asked if we’re going to be next. Future Mother-In-Law asks when we’re going to give her grandkids and it’s hard but I made the judgement early on that I was going to just smile and nod rather than tell the truth and deal with the sympathetic looks every time babies are mentioned. I realise to some that this is the cowards way out but I couldn’t be bothered with the ‘are you sure you want to be with someone who can’t give you a family?’ questions that Fiance would inevitably get because his family are like that. They judge me enough as it is, I can’t be bothered fuelling that over something that is frankly none of their business.
I always make sure that when his family say ‘when you have kids’, I reply with a firm ‘IF we have kids’ and I have had conversations with Future Sister-In-Law where I have mentioned that kids might not be in our future but other than this, I see it that the situation is for me and Fiance to deal with and nobody else.
Sounds like your SO loves you and your situation is ok with him so that’s all that matters. Sounds to me that even if you could pop out grandma’s desired number of great grandchildren, she would likely still find issue with you as that’s the way she is. Some people just find problems with everyone, all you can do is avoid them and let it roll of your back. I know Future Father-In-Law isn’t my greatest fan but hes the same with all of his kids SO’s so I just accept that’s his deal. I’d say same goes for grandma here by the sounds of it.
If you want to be upfront with your SO’s family that’s a different matter. Do you want to disclose to them or would you rather not? If you’d rather not, remember it’s your life and you are under no obligation to tell anyone anything.
Post # 8
Why is the grandmother’s opinion being given so much weight? If she doesn’t like you, oh well. Hopefully you’ll both be civil. I hope your Fiance is not making you feel like his grandmother’s potential opinion could cause big problems.
Post # 9
You could always adopt if you want children. There are plenty of children in need of a loving home.
He is marrying you because he loves the woman you are, not because you are breeding livestock. His family knows that
Post # 10
Cimerone: Your medical issues have nothing to do with your value as a human being. If anyone in the family uses that as an excuse for thinking you’re “not good enough” to marry him — which I sincerely hope does not prove to be the case — the shame’s on them, not you.
I agree with PP’s, avoid discussing it at all.
Post # 11
Cimerone: This calls for the good old smile and nod.