(Closed) One problem solved, oh look. There is another one.

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
9595 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

My advice is to not tell them. It’s none of their business. Just nod and smile through any presumptuous commentary.

Post # 3
Member
5154 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

It’s none of their business. If grandma doesn’t like you, that’s her problem. Avoid her. 

Post # 4
Member
47209 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Cimerone:  This is not a conversation you ever never to have with them. You are wasting energy worrying about things that are irrelevant.

Post # 5
Member
225 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

I agree, I wouldn’t mention it. It’s none of their business.

Post # 6
Member
4241 posts
Honey bee

Who cares if they think you’re not good enough? It’s none of their business. 

Same with kids- none of their business and not up for discussion. 

Post # 7
Member
382 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Cimerone:  Hey bee, sorry you’re in this situation. I can sort of relate.

I have a few medical conditions, the combination of which are going to make it very difficult for me and SO to conceive naturally in the future. We have never actively TTC so Fiance is still hopeful (ever the optimist!) and we will try in the future but after a lot of heart to heart talking, we agreed that if it wasn’t successful, we would seek other options and if they weren’t successful, so be it.

I get on well with FI’s family but they tend to be very judgemental about things. I have had periods of our relationship where I haven’t been able to work due to my health and his family have little jibes at me over that. Future Father-In-Law especially has implied that Fiance ‘could do better’ in the past bit luckily, Fiance has his own mind and disagrees.

Every time a member of FI’s family has a baby we get asked if we’re going to be next. Future Mother-In-Law asks when we’re going to give her grandkids and it’s hard but I made the judgement early on that I was going to just smile and nod rather than tell the truth and deal with the sympathetic looks every time babies are mentioned. I realise to some that this is the cowards way out but I couldn’t be bothered with the ‘are you sure you want to be with someone who can’t give you a family?’ questions that Fiance would inevitably get because his family are like that. They judge me enough as it is, I can’t be bothered fuelling that over something that is frankly none of their business.

I always make sure that when his family say ‘when you have kids’, I reply with a firm ‘IF we have kids’ and I have had conversations with Future Sister-In-Law where I have mentioned that kids might not be in our future but other than this, I see it that the situation is for me and Fiance to deal with and nobody else.

Sounds like your SO loves you and your situation is ok with him so that’s all that matters. Sounds to me that even if you could pop out grandma’s desired number of great grandchildren, she would likely still find issue with you as that’s the way she is. Some people just find problems with everyone, all you can do is avoid them and let it roll of your back. I know Future Father-In-Law isn’t my greatest fan but hes the same with all of his kids SO’s so I just accept that’s his deal. I’d say same goes for grandma here by the sounds of it.

If you want to be upfront with your SO’s family that’s a different matter. Do you want to disclose to them or would you rather not? If you’d rather not, remember it’s your life and you are under no obligation to tell anyone anything.

Post # 8
Member
37 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Why is the grandmother’s opinion being given so much weight? If she doesn’t like you, oh well. Hopefully you’ll both be civil. I hope your Fiance is not making you feel like his grandmother’s potential opinion could cause big problems. 

Post # 9
Member
9527 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

You could always adopt if you want children. There are plenty of children in need of a loving home. 

He is marrying you because he loves the woman you are, not because you are breeding livestock. His family knows that

Post # 10
Member
415 posts
Helper bee

Cimerone:  Your medical issues have nothing to do with your value as a human being. If anyone in the family uses that as an excuse for thinking you’re “not good enough” to marry him — which I sincerely hope does not prove to be the case — the shame’s on them, not you.

I agree with PP’s, avoid discussing it at all. 

Post # 11
Member
1837 posts
Buzzing bee

Cimerone:  This calls for the good old smile and nod. 

The topic ‘One problem solved, oh look. There is another one.’ is closed to new replies.

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