- 6 months ago
- Wedding: September 2018
I really love my parents and wouldn’t mind visiting them often, but I feel like lately it has been really shifting towards seeing my parents a *LOT* more than seeing my in-laws and I’m not sure what to do.
In the last year, we have visited my in-laws (5-7 hours away drive) about 4 times total. They have visited 1 time.
However, my parents (about 3-4 hours away) we have visited at least 7 times total (lost count), went on a trip with them twice, and they’ve visited 3 or more times.
I’m not sure how to describe the issue since:
(a) My husband doesn’t really seem like he *wants* to see his parents more, and they don’t express that they need to see him more either but
(b) He is also expressing that he feels like we almost have no weekends to ourselves, since we spend so much time either driving up to see my parents or making the even longer drive to visit his parents.
I don’t really mind visiting my parents often because I really do love them and enjoy spending time with them, but it is really starting to grate on my otherwise extremely patient and easygoing husband, and I’m scared it’s going to start slowly increasing resentment and make him hate spending time with us as a whole.
I would like to be able to tell my parents that I need some time to enjoy weekends at my own house for once with my husband, but there always seems to be a reason for them to ask me to come up. Whether it is a family party, some holiday, etc.. And they think its unfair for me to reject on the grounds of “we just want a weekend to do errands at home” because (a) we don’t have kids yet, (b) they’re starting to get old and can’t really visit us as much and (c) we spend time at our house every night (true, but we’re usually exhausted from work since we both work full time). I think they’re all fair points, but I don’t know what to do. But husband wants us to spend time just the two of us over the weekend when we’re not both swamped with errands and work, but I don’t want to turn my parents and him against each other.
And I need to know soon! We spent the last few weekends:
(1) Visiting my parents (for mother’s day)
(2) Visiting his parents
(3) Going on a trip with my parents to visit family over 7 hours away.
We finally get ONE week of respite this weekend.
And then for the week after, my parents are asking us to visit them for father’s day. It’s so soon! But the argument is “but its fathers day!” (His parents have not said anything on this matter).
Anyone deal with this before and have some advice? Sorry if I’m rambling. Its hard to express in text because I feel guilty about both sides. I understand my husband’s frustration (I feel it too), but I know my parents just want to spend time with me and miss me (and I feel it too). I would just offer to visit my parents alone, but my husband agrees that this isn’t exactly great either in the long-term because the weekend is the only time we get a big chunk of time to do stuff together, whether it be errands or quality time, because during the week, we get home, eat dinner, do basic cleaning, then conk out for the night.