One set of parents expects (and gets) a lot more visits than in-laws?

posted 5 months ago in Travel
Post # 16
Member
1109 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Both our sets of parents are a plane ride away, and we still see mine more often because we get along with them better/have more in common with them. But not nearly as often as you are seeing your parents! I can’t imagine taking a 3-4 hour drive so many weekends when that’s your only free time with your husband. I would sit down with him and look at the calendar. Pick the dates that you both are good with seeing parents/in-laws, and spread them out a bit. Then let your parents know that all the driving/visiting has become too much lately, but you’ll come to visit 1/month or every other month going forward. 

Post # 17
Member
1251 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

Literally all you have to say is, “Sorry, that doesn’t work for us. Maybe another time.” You do not have to justify yourself to them. You’re an adult with adult responsibilities and you don’t have to justify how you spend your free time to anyone.

Post # 18
Member
1966 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

minamesephy :  I don’t think the problem is what your title suggests. You don’t need to see his parents more. From what you posted, neither he nor his parents are requesting that. What your husband wants is more time for just the two of you, and some more weekends to yourself without so much traveling. This is a completely fair ask. It’s not about balancing out the amount of visits you have with your parents and his parents. It’s about prioritizing your marriage and the family you’ve created with your spouse. To do this, you need to set boundaries. The first one should be that you’re not going to visit your parents next weekend. Based on what you posted, they will try to guilt you for this, they will complain and perhaps cry, and you will struggle with it. But this is necessary. Boundaries need to be put in place as soon as possible and as soon as you get practiced in that, it’ll be a lot easier. You can call your dad for Father’s Day and have a nice 30 minute catch up call. You don’t need to drive 3+ hours every birthday and holiday to see one family or the other. 

Post # 19
Member
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

you just need to set your foot down and limit the visits to major holidays and an occasional family gathering or two. For both sets of parents. 

if your parents like to guilt trip you two into every weekend coming to visit, you need major boundaries, they will get over it and survive without seeing you every weekend. Also sounds like you are doing the majority of driving to them, if they are that despreate to see you all the time they should be making the drive. 

also the kid excuse is kinda ridiculous, adding kids will just make the guilt tripping worse if you dont set boundaries now before all that. 

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