(Closed) one sided initiation

posted 3 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 2
Member
7959 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Well, I’d be the one who rarely initiates. I have a lower sex drive so it’s just not on my radar. If my DH initiates I’m usually up for it, but honestly it just doesn’t occur to me. I don’t think it’s necessarily a problem as long as you are having intimacy regularly.

Post # 3
Member
778 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

In our case, I’m the one who almost never initiate. Not from lack of drive but it’s baggage from my past. My ex used to always turn me down so I got used to not initiate because the rejection hurts me a lot. But we’ve talked about it and I try and do my best. But still my DH is the one who usually initiates and I never turn him down.

Post # 4
Member
1089 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I’m always initiating lol and it drives me nuts. Especially when SO says oh I was in the mood but I thought you were tired. (I’m almost always in the mood) as long as SO doesn’t shoot me down I’m ok. 

Post # 5
Member
7594 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I very rarely initiate. Maybe like 1 in 20 times. I am more comfortable being pursued lol and it works for us.

Post # 6
Member
541 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2026

Same with Mrs. Massontobee, except it’s my husband who sometimes rejects me. It hurt my confidence. Plus I’m really awkward when initiating, and I think it’s pretty stressful gauging his reactions. I just wait for him to initiate now, or sometimes if I feel like he is likely not to reject me, I would encourage it. I’m the one with the higher drive though.

Post # 7
Member
1294 posts
Bumble bee

It’s usually me that initiates and Fiance rarely turns me down. What I’ve found is if I try to be subtle and don’t get the reaction, assuming he’s not ill, I just need to be more blatent. The problem we have is that he turns me on very very easily and more often than not unintentionally.

We have gotten better at talking about sex though, and have had conversations in the past (when I was on the pill and my sex drive was almost non-existant) about feeling rejected etc, so we’re both very aware of how the other feels.

Post # 8
Member
10394 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

We both make an effort to initiate. I think it’s very important in a relationship for both partners to make an effort. There have been periods when one of us wasn’t initiating as often and it always gets discussed.

Post # 9
Member
7 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2017

View original reply
milwaukee33 :  Well my husband and I have different sex schedules, he loves nights so he can take his time and i like mornings for a quickie. He’s like the energizer bunny and never really finished in the mornings. we’ve been working on it and he’s gotten much better at quickies and I have worked on initiating more at night so it’s an equal balance. 

 

 

because when he does i’m usually like naw i’m exhausted from work.

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