Post # 1
but two steps back…..
Last week my SO got off work early. He came home and wanted to talk. He said that he knew how I’d been feeling and wanted to show me that he is serious about wanting to marry me. So he took me back to the store we ring browsed in Sept of last year. He told me to show him the ring again that I liked. So he then put it on layaway. Which was really sweet. But kind of bittersweet for me. This is 7 weeks before our 4 year anniversary which has been my deadline since the start of the year. So although I was happy and excited that he was showing progress I was also sad that we were ONLY to the stage of just putting the darn ring on layaway. So then to put the nail in the coffin his job told him the NEXT day that the assignment was over (temp position) so now he’s back to looking for another job.
The reason I am so torn is because he lost his real job at the end of the year. Which delayed my original deadline of new years and also our tenative wedding date of June due to the circumstances. Here this comes just shortly before our 4 year anniversary. I know many of you will say what’s the big deal since he put the ring on layaway, he’s showing progress, and give him a break because of the situation. Yet that’s just easier said than done. I’ve just been going in and out with this waiting cycle that I was really just looking forward to this happening like yesterday. I’m BEYOND tired of waiting and we both are feeling it. And before the question arises neither of us want to be engaged without a ring. He’s more against it then I am so that’s a lost cause. I understand that life has obstacles but it seems like every time we get closer something happens. We have both agreed on getting married in March and I am really dead set on that. I mean that’s close to 5 years for us.
Thank you for reading and allowing me to vent ladies. I would love some positive and uplifting feedback.
Post # 3
What about him proposing with a cheap substitute ring in the mean time? That way you could both move forward without worrying about the huge financial commitment of that type of purchase. I know a lot of ladies will suggest you get engaged without a ring (which isn’t an option for you) or they’ll say just to get a cheaper ring and call it a day. There’s nothing wrong with that. But I’m the type of person who feels it’s the one time in my life to own an actual piece of jewelry, I want a little more than a cracker jack ring. And there is nothing wrong with loving a beautiful, slightly expensive ring. But if it isn’t feasabile at the moment…perhaps he could propose with that cracker jack ring wth a promise that you’ll eventually get the real thing? Just a thought. I’m sorry it seems like it’s just one thing after another. I can imagine it’s terribly frustrating. But it was really sweet of him to put the ring on layaway. Hope he finds work soon!
Post # 4
@claireos: Thank you so much! I like that you said this because it’s exactly how I feel…
But I’m the type of person who feels it’s the one time in my life to own an actual piece of jewelry, I want a little more than a cracker jack ring.
He’s still stuck on his traditional way and wants to try to do it himself. But I think now he understands how important this stage is and is willing to at least allow me to help. Especially as we become more crunched for time. He was opposed to me assisting with the purchase of the ring (I make quite a bit more than he does) but says that if too much time begins to pass then he will be okay with it so that we can move forward. I have the money to buy the ring in my savings right now. So it isn’t beyond our means. He said that he would definitely make it up by contributing more to the Destination Wedding, honeymoon, reception, etc. if we did have to go that route. So we’ll see. I know right now it’s about a little compromise from both of us to get where we are trying be.
Post # 5
Honestly, I think that’s a great idea – you paying for the ring and him chipping in for the rest as he can. Did he ever know you had a deadline? I hate using that word cause it seems so harsh and unbending. But did he know that you wanted to be engaged by your 4 year anniversary? Cause if he did you could always sit him down again and let him know again, if you haven’t already, that you are still more than happy to pay for the remainder of the ring to help move things along. Just an idea.
Post # 6
@PrettySedity: I see nothing wrong with helping him purchase the ring. My dad proposed to my mom on a whim and without a ring. He was unemployed at the time. After they got engaged, my mom said that they basically lived with the philosophy of “what’s mine is yours”, and it wasn’t at all a big deal for her to pitch in for her e-ring.
Post # 7
I think you need to put your foot down…. if you know in your heart you can not wait any longer, you must put your foot down and have a conversation about this.
Start out with saying how much you love him and etc and that you want to marry him. Then go into how much it is breaking your heart not being engaged at this moment. Tell him that it is very frustrating to know that the only reason why you are waiting is because there isn’t a lot of money for this ring he wants to buy. Then explain to him that you really don’t care about the ring, the cost, etc. Tell him you just want to be engaged and have this official at this point.
Then bring the options into it—
- Get a cheaper ring and upgrade later (my Fiance did this so we could just be engaged).
- Let you help pay for ths ring and he pays for the other items of the wedding.
- Let you pay for the ring and he pays you back.
Then end the conversation by saying you are just about done with the waiting and really at this point, there is no reason to be waiting since there are other options that can be exercised….
Post # 8
@armychica06: Then end the conversation by saying you are just about done with the waiting and really at this point, there is no reason to be waiting since there are other options that can be exercised….
You really put that perfectly.
Post # 9
@claireos: I tried to hint at the ‘deadline’ as much as possible without putting pressure or making it seem like an ultimatum. So I’ve said things about the 4 year mark a lot but never directly told him the deadline. Although expressing deep feelings for being together when we make 4 years without being engaged. Who knows if it really stuck with him. I just didn’t want it to happen because I made it happen by seeming as though I was giving him an ultimatum because I know that’s how he would have taken it.
Thank you my wedding bee BFF! I think that’s a wonderful idea. He will definitely be paying for the ring rather it be by me assisting initially or not. He’s not totally on board with me helping but I think the plan you gave me is perfect. And who knows I may not even have to help. Seems like he’s already on to some leads for a new job so *fingers crossed* that he can make it happen by our anniversary.