One week and anxiety

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
2189 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Sorry you are having so much going on at once. The stress from caregiving is extreme. You are adding that to the stress from the wedding. Please be gentle on yourself. You can only do what you can do. Maybe Fiance can explain to his family your absence when you are dealing with family issues. I found the last week until my wedding to be one of those most anxious weeks of my life, and I wasn’t having to deal with excessive family illnesses. 

Post # 3
Member
2064 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

That’s a lot going on and it’s ok to feel stressed/anxious. Unfortunately life doesn’t stop being crap because you’re getting married, it doesn’t seem to get the memo that you should be happy and to stop dumping stuff on you.

Firstly, don’t feel guilty about missing things with your partner’s family. They should understand what you’re going through and why you can’t be hosting them. If they can’t, then they aren’t people who will contribute to your mental wellbeing at the moment, so it’s probably for the best.

Next, tell your partner to step up. Give him tasks to do. Hand the final stuff over to him completely. He needs to help out. Between you, prioritise the things that still need doing and let him work his way through the priority list. If he doesn’t get through it all, don’t be upset or mad. Chances are you wouldn’t be able to get everything done either but identify which bits are important and which bits are just fluff. Focus on the important stuff and it’s not worth arguing over fluff.

I lost a relative a few months before our wedding and one a few months after. The fluff really isn’t important, what is important is just spending the time with people you love and who are beyond happy for you. Spend some time with your dad and grandma, especially if they can’t make it to the wedding. Take some time to recharge your batteries, go for a walk, read a book, have a massage, get your nails done, all of the above. Then at your wedding, don’t focus on what didn’t get done or what goes wrong, focus on your new husband, focus on your loved ones and the wonderful unexpected memories of the day. Those will help when life keeps trying to push you down after the wedding because it will, your care giving responsibilities will continue after the wedding and so you might not get your newly wed moment that you deserve. Let your memories (some will be sad at first so be prepared to look for the happy ones) to lift you in those times. 

People don’t always go into their weddings happy. Not because they’re unhappy with their partner but because life is hard and unfair. It’s ok to not be happy on your wedding day. Or more accurately, it’s ok to have moments of sadness and happiness and everything in between on your wedding day. So be kind to yourself. Allow yourself to feel whatever you need to feel. It won’t make the day bad to admit that you’re feeling things other than happiness.

To try and minimise your risk of panic attacks, if you feel overwhelmed take some time alone or with your partner. On the day itself I built in 5-10 minutes slots here and there that would allow me to take a breath and collect my thoughts. Try that. Don’t be afraid or feel guilty to just excuse yourself on the day if you need it. Whoever you’re with will understand why you might need a moment alone. Personally, alcohol makes things worse for me so don’t automatically turn to alcohol to help you relax, listen to what your body wants and look back on previous times of stress to know what to avoid.

Good luck. I hope you make some wonderful memories surrounded by those you love.

Post # 4
Member
545 posts
Busy bee

You are stretching yourself to thin my dear. Do not worry about your fiancés family being catered to every second, if they are people that would judge you for taking care of your family, then they aren’t the type of people who’s opinion of you should matter. ( which I am sure they completely understand!) As for the wedding- do not let the little details stress you out. This should be the happiest day of your life, do not let stress steal that from you. I hope everything goes absolutely lovely for you, and I am praying for your dad and grandma. 

Post # 5
Member
62 posts
Worker bee

I’m sorry to hear of your situation. I am about a month out and I anticipate the stress my FI’s family is going to cause when they arrive so I am leaving the week of my wedding to retreat with my mom and bridal party. We have booked a hotel, a day of spa treatments, and etc. I’ll come back to where my wedding is being held on Thurs. and hopefully miss most of the craziness. I am also staying in a hotel when I get back too. As well as all family will be moving to hotels on Thurs. specifically so we don’t have to host them.

 

Post # 6
Member
9786 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

That’s a lot to handle! I remember feeling very overwhelmed hosting all of our family that came into town the week of the wedding and I didn’t have all the other stuff going on that you do. I definitely needed our week long, relaxing honeymoon once it was all over!

Take a night to yourself to relax. Grab a bottle of wine and a good book or binge watch your favorite show – anything that will help you unwind. I know it feels like you have to host family every second they are there but you really don’t. They can entertain themselves for a night! 

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors