- 10 years ago
- Wedding: June 2012
Please see my last post for full backstory. Recap: Bridesmaid or Best Man T, my cousin, is being a huge diva about everything, most notably (and annoyingly) the shoes I want the BMs to wear.
In the most recent episode of the shoe saga…
Last weekend Fiance and I were out doing wedding stuff with Maid/Matron of Honor E. E asked if there had been any more progress made in the shoe department. I said no, last I heard was the last text that I’d sent to T. So I emailed T back again to say, basically, that I really want the girls to have matching shoes, and the shoes I picked are the ones I want them to wear. I offered to split the cost with both T and C if that was an issue, and I even offered to order them myself and pay the shipping myself, and hand-deliver them to T and C when I see them next month, if that was easier on them. I then said whatever they wanted to do, let me know, but let’s get ordering some shoes!
A few hours later T emails back and says (direct quote from her email): “Ok, I do not want to be a whiny bridesmaid but…C and I both are not big fans of the shoes, and my mom doesn’t love them either. We want to wear something you like but that we will be comfortable and confident wearing as your bridesmaids on your big day! Money is not the issue, it just seems like a lot for something we would never buy otherwise. When you asked me to be your bridesmaid you specifically said you wanted my help when it came to fashion stuff, I swear I won’t steer you wrong lol… There’s no need to be making all these decisions now, you have plenty of time, what’s the rush? Why would we buy shoes before we have dresses anyway? […]”
I emailed her back to say that basically, this is my wedding, I have been bending over backwards to make sure that the BMs are all comfortable and happy with everything (they chose their own dresses, I’m letting them do whatever they want with hair/makeup/nails, I’m letting them pick their own jewelry, and like I said I offered to pay half of the shoes and order them and deliver them myself if it made it easier on them), can’t I just have this one thing that I get to decide? These shoes match perfectly with the wedding colors, will look beautiful with their dresses, and just fit the whole “feel” of the wedding. I said that while I appreciate the fashion advice (which yes, I did “ask” for in the card I asked her to be my Bridesmaid or Best Man, but it was more of a cutesy “reference to her personality” [she’s a fashion major in college] than actually WANTING ADVICE ON EVERYTHING EVER) and her trying to steer me away from shoes she thinks aren’t that great, this is just us having different tastes…but it is my wedding, not hers, so my taste should be the one to go by, right? I told her I’m not in any “rush” for them to get their shoes, it’s just, when you find something you want, you buy it. I bought my shoes a month before I bought my dress, because I found the ones I wanted. Fiance and I bought our invitations not even a month into the engagement, because we found the ones we liked. The color of the Bridesmaid or Best Man dress is not changing so it’s not like the shoes would suddenly not match their dresses down the line.
I still haven’t heard back from her and it’s been a week now. Maid/Matron of Honor E just wants to buy her damn shoes before the store lets go of the hold on her size, and I really just want all three of them to buy the damn shoes so we can stop thinking about this and move on!
Moreover, when you’re in someone’s wedding, shouldn’t you, y’know, wear what they want you to wear without putting up a huge fight? I know they’re bridesmaids and not slaves, but still…if they don’t want do go along with the plan, why did they agree to be a bridesmaid in the first place? If I were in T’s wedding and she wanted me to wear a neon yellow floor length Bridesmaid or Best Man dress and Ed Hardy 6″ platform stilettos, I’d do it without making a peep, because that’s what would complete her wedding day vision, and that’s partially what I’m there to do. I’m not going to mess up HER vision of HER day by putting up a fight about the outfit she wants me to wear.
It’s not even really about THE SHOES anymore, it’s a matter of principle, almost. Jesus Christ, I don’t really care this much about shoes, but I feel like I shouldn’t have to concede to my bridesmaids’ vision of my and FI’s wedding day, y’know?
So bees…what would you do in this situation? I am just tired of her diva attitude about everything, and I feel like if she’s there getting ready with me on the morning of the wedding it’s going to be stressful. She and I used to be really close but we just…aren’t anymore. We don’t “get” each other like we used to, and this whole Bridesmaid or Best Man thing is really bringing that out. I feel like I can’t be myself around her because everything I do is “wrong” or “weird” or whatever…and that’s the last thing I want to be dealing with on the morning of my wedding!
So, should I ask her (and as an extension, C) to step down? Or should I suck it up, resolve the shoe issue somehow, and move on, keeping all three girls?