Post # 1
I posted not too long ago about my future sister in laws and how my relationship with them has taken a turn in the last 9 months or so. I’m not sure what happened, I’ve tried to resolve it, but thats here nor there at this point.
I have the most awesome bridal party (besides them). they are in it out of obligation for their brother. Everyone of my other girls has been to try on bridesmaids dresses and we had a fun day of it. All of them are stoked to spend the night before with me and get up in the morning and just be excited and be girls and get ready. Except for the sisters.
their concern is what is the dress and what time do i show up that day. they show no interest. they dont even want to do their hair and makeup! and anything and everything that I want the girls to do, they have a negative answer to it or dont want to do it.
Aside from them beign the sisters and feeling like I cant say much to them about it, how would one handle this , sisters or not. they are making ti very unpleasant for me as well as for the other girls as they are not contributing or even doing anything. and most of their choices to alienate themselves is effecting everyone.
I feel like its going to be an issue if I ask them if they really want to be involved in this. but then I feel if I dont say anything, its going to only make things worse later because the relationship is already different.
Do i handle it? Do I maybe ask my fiance to handle it and find out what they want to do?
any advice would be great.
Post # 3
@JerseyBride2014: What about inviting them out to a brunch – just you and them. And then say nothing about the wedding. Ask them about their kids/BF’s/FI’s – or lives in general.
Weddings are so stressful and you guys are about to be family.
And who knows maybe in this nonstressful situation they can get whatever off of their chests that is bothering them. Whether they think you are being unfair or ‘stealing’ their brother – whatever it is -itd be nice to get it on the table so you guys can move past it.
And if no one brings it up – maybe you can plan some time together (during the brunch) for a way to spend time with them after the wedding. This may help them to see that there is more to your relationship then just a wedding. If you are the bigger person and let this stuff go – it may give thema chance to reset and start over.
Post # 4
Its so hard because I’ve tried that a few times. and They tell me to my face numerous times everything is fine and then they talk behind my back. Even my fiance has told me to just not worry about his own sisters. Problem is, I kinda have to worry about them, because they are in the wedding.
At the time that I asked htem to be in the wedding, we had a relatiosnhip / friendship. Things have changed alot with some things that have gone on, and now its more obligation to them and somewhat to me too.
Post # 5
I’m not familiar with your specific situation concerning your FSILs. How old are they? Are they super close to their brother? Are the rest of your bridesmaids YOUR friends and family?
I wouldn’t make a big deal of it at this point. They might just not feel comfortable hanging around the others if they don’t know them that well. Perhaps try to go out to lunch or something with just them as a previous poster suggested. They might feel left out of the wedding activities without you realizing it.
Have you done or said anyything that may have contributed to this rift?
Post # 6
one is older than me and the other is 2 or 3 years younger than me. they used to be close to their brother but not so much anymore. they werent even that close when i started dating him. the rest of the bridal party is his and my family. his sisters arent the only ones in it from his family.
and they have been included like everyone else has, they are never left out. if anything i gave them more attention and more hope that they would get involved. and they just blow it off and dont even say anything to me.
We just dont have the relationship to go out to lunch without them thinking its for some other reason. so if i went to lunch with them i would have to kind of “ambush” them a little bit ina way and come right out and ask them whats going on.
I think the only thing that I can think I contributed to it was in the beginning my fiance babysat ALOT for his sister and when we got together I didnt want to spend every weekend babysitting his nephew so he cut back and eventually we got our own lifestyle and he wasnt at her beck and call anymore. so that was an adjustment for her im sure and im sure she says thats my fault. but they never called either to invite us over or anything and over time a boundary was formed and she barely speaks to either of us unless its something that we can do for her.
the other one, we used to be friends actually.. but when she wasnt speaking with her sister. then they worked it out, and singled me out.
it just seems like not talking to each other and holding grudges runs in their family. im not like that… i like to talk things out, resolve it and move forward. i dont keep things bottled up. maybe thats what they dont like because i speak about my feelings. But thats how i am. i let someone know if my feelings are hurt or if i think theres something worth resolving to make things better. keeping things festered never ends well..
Post # 7
@JerseyBride2014: FI’s sister and me were EXACTLY like this (we even babysat her 3 kids too!). We were friends at first. That’s why I asked her to be in the wedding. But since the engagement her attitude towards me completely changed. I do believe part of the reason why we started drifting apart was because of differences his mother and I were having and she was starting to display such childish behavior. Towards the end, I expected her not to purchase her dress and pull out of the wedding. Some people just don’t have a reason why they don’t like you but then again I think my situation is pretty much the same as yours. She only wants to fool with you when it benefits herself (His mother is exactly like this and that’s why we have our differences). I think if you go out with her to talk to her, it wouldn’t change anything. They are already talking about you behind your back. Nothing’s going to change. I tried this and she never told me why she was so distant. I hope they pull out of the wedding for your sanity. His sister waited till the end of Jan to pull out and our wedding is in April. Good luck to you.
Post # 8
oh wow… so did you leave it alone completely and just act like they dont phase you and she pulled out on her own?
sometimes i wonder if something is said to them or their brother actually asks them what they want to do , they know they are getting to us or they think their actions are being paid attention to.
but on the flip side, its not fair to everyone thats making an effort and not fair to me who’s day it is, for them to be acting like this.
I would actually love for them to pull out….
Post # 9
@JerseyBride2014: At this point, how would your inlaws feel if you asked them to step down? Do your inlaws know how the ladies are behaving?
Post # 10
Sometimes weddings bring out the worst in people. It might just be a bit of jealousy on their end. I would just let it go. Don’t ask them to step down or anything. That will just cause more problems and make it more of a public issue once everyone finds out that the sisters aren’t in the wedding. If you feel it is necessesary and could help the situation, ask your fiance to talk to them about what’s going on to see if maybe there’s something you’re missing or something that’s going on that needs to be cleared up. Otherwise, just let it be. There’s no use in adding fuel to the fire.