(Closed) Online chatting- cheating? What do I do?

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
103 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Tell him how much it’s hurting you. The act itself, and especially the lie.

Who is this woman? Is she a “real” person, or is this like an online chat with a stranger sex site thing?  

Post # 3
Member
103 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Tell him how much it’s hurting you. The act itself, and especially the lie.

Who is this woman? Is she a “real” person, or is this like an online chat with a stranger sex site thing?  

Post # 5
Member
1871 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

If the person on the other end is a real person, that sends up a red flag–because this isn’t just watching pornography once in a while or going to a strip club for a bachelor party; this is ongoing behavior and establishing a kind of relationship with someone else. There’s emotional cheating going on as well and AFTER you’ve already asked him to stop, trust issues as well.

I’m afraid I don’t have too much advice as to what to do except this:

DO NOT ignore it. DO NOT pretend everything is okay. and DO NOT think that you can learn to live with it. This has to be confronted somehow; at the very least you can go to couples counseling and/or also get yourself into counseling to help you through this.

I’m so sorry. I wish I could help you more, but know that whatever happens, it will be okay.

Post # 6
Member
1537 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I’m so sorry to hear about this. I went through the EXACT same thing with my ex. Everything in our relationship was amazing, I felt so in love, and I thought he was “the one.” This was all until of course I stumbled upon something similar to what you are describing…

I tried to ignore it, but I honestly couldn’t. It was eating away at me so I confronted him. To make a long story short this happened a few times and we eventually broke up. We got back together only for me to discover that he was still online chatting to strange women on various websites etc. He explained to me that it was similar to him like looking at porn. I didn’t think this was right, but who I am to judge someone’s sexual fantasies right? He assured me it was only that. Well after sometime I heard he was on the website “plentyoffish”….this was the last straw. I made a fake account and it was devasting. I found out that he had be arranging to meet up with strange women for sex.

I’m not saying it’s the same for you, but be very very careful. I later learnt my ex has a sex addiction and it had nothing to do with me or how our sex life was. I just simply was not enough for him to satisfy those “cravings.”

Be really honest and upfront with him about this. Don’t let it slide. If you don’t have trust in your relationship it will ruin you. I sometimes wish I hadn’t been sneaky, but knowing now that he was putting my health at risk by sleeping with strange women I know I did the right thing. My ex admitted to me that he has a problem and that he actually contracted herpes from it. I am so thankful that I took control of the situation before he could spread that disease to me. Sex addiction is dangerous and very hard to combat. He is cut completely out of my life now.

Its now years later and I’m with an amazing man who is actually way more caring and compassionate than the last. My judgement was clouded. Take a second to look at the situation and assess what you are comfortable with. Remeber to always do what is best for yourself despite how difficult it may be to walk away from a relationship.

Hopefully you two can work on this and it won’t go as far as my situation did. I really wish the best for you. If all else fails…trust your gut feeling.

Post # 7
Member
322 posts
Helper bee

As a PP said, DO NOT ignore it and DO NOT just hope it stops because it won’t. I consider this cheating personally, maybe emotional cheating more than physical, I don’t know, but nonetheless it’s disrespectful and he shouldn’t be doing it, bottom line.

my SO wasn’t actually taking in a non-platonic way but he was talking to his ex behind my back and I tried and tried to get him to understand that it was not ok and he needed to stop (if he hadn’t lied about it in the first place I wouldn’t have minded, in this case it was the hiding it that was the main problem) but the only way he finally got it was when I broke up with him. That being said, my advice is to not just put up with it and hope it changes. It won’t change unless he really and truly understands that what he’s doing is wrong.

Post # 8
Member
9087 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

If it feels wrong to you, then it is.  It’s obviously hurting you & he’s not willing to give it up.  That tells you quite a lot about him, doesn’t it?

Post # 9
Member
10366 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Get thee to a relationship counselor. You guys have some trust to rebuild. You obviously can’t trust him telling you he’s stopped, and you need to get to the bottom of why the behavior is happening in the first place!

Post # 10
Member
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

He lied, that is the first bad sign. He only confessed AFTER you caught him; just think about all the other things that you didn’t catch him doing. Honesty and trust is really important, especially in a relationship. If you cannot even trust this man how do you expect it to work? He needs to regain your trust, ask him how he is going to go about doing this. The answer is not I won’t do it again.

Post # 11
Member
379 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

The same thing happen with me and my ex.  That is why he is an ex.  Be careful.  Breaking up hurts but I was able to find a guy that  wouldnt cheat on me (even online chatting).  I am not saying you need to break up with him but if he continues this (he might even if he says he is not, he lied to you already) you will have to ask yourself if you can spend a lifetime with him doing this.  I asked myself that and decided it was not something I could put up with for a lifetime.

Post # 12
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Wow! He lied to you, and he has been cheating as well. He obviously didn’t have any guilt about it because he did it again… I’d say you need to have a talk with him. Are you two engaged? If so, I would consider couples therapy before trying marriage. I’m so sorry, and I wish you luck! PM me if you need anything!

Post # 13
Member
199 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

sounds fishy – online sex addictions can be intense and men do not drop them cold turkey. this needs to be addressed asap.

Post # 14
Member
4311 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

My ex did crap like that too. That is absolutely cheating in my book.  I highly doubt he would be happy if you were doing something similar in nature.  Unfortunately I think things like this happen all too often.

I’m really sorry 🙁

Post # 15
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

Not only has he been cheating with this girl online, but he lied to you by saying he wasn’t doing it. Then he told you he would stop and lied again b/c he’s STILL doing it. Get rid of this guy! I’m so sorry you’re going through this, but unless he stops lying, he’s going to completely lose your trust and will continue it behind your back.

The topic ‘Online chatting- cheating? What do I do?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors