(Closed) Online dating is for losers/ugly people and other stigmas……

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 76
Member
3046 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

alamana:  Well as I said, not until you meet them or get to know them. Obviously you met the person and they were a mess.

However, OP asked if you believe in the stereotype at first…and my reply was saying no. I did not go into it thinking all of the profiles I saw were a bunch of ugly loser men.

Did I get weird messages from many? Yes. But I blocked them as I said.

Post # 77
Member
1219 posts
Bumble bee

 

My daughter and her husband met on POF. They were both the first person they contacted.  He signed up two days before her and he contacted her the day after she signed up.  Today is their 2nd wedding anniversary!

I wasn’t thrilled when she told me she was signing up though.  Only because of my fear of the possiblity of dangerous people out there.  My best friend was murdered when I was young and it has definitely affected my views on safety.

Post # 78
Member
1231 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Met my SO (and soon-to-be fiancé) on okcupid.  He messaged me, I messaged back. He invited me to dinner and then asked me out again.  After our second date (which was actually a year ago today!), neither of us has looked back. I probably never would have met him, otherwise.  He grew up in this city and all his friends are local. I grew up elsewhere and all my friends are transplants. Are we losers?  Maybe.  But at least we’re losers together! 🙂

Post # 79
Member
275 posts
Helper bee

I met my fiance on Plenty of Fish.

Granted, I spent maybe a month or so talking to duds and going on lousy dates before I met him.

Post # 80
Member
645 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I did online dating and met some really nice people (and a few creeps) My Darling Husband and I were both on online dating sites but we didn’t meet on there, probably because he’s 16 years older then me and I would have seen his age and gone nope not happening! It’s a nice way to just talk to people and get chatted up lots 

Post # 82
Member
1036 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Merritt Winery

Darling Husband and I met online! I’m not going to say that online dating is easy. You will probably run into a lot of creepers, pigs, and weirdos. It can be totally worth it though if you find the right one. 

Before Darling Husband and I met, I truly never believed in soul mates or anything like that. He totally proved me wrong! As far as any stigma attached, I think that’s going away. Anyone we’ve ever told about how we met has been positive about it. As far as it being for only ugly people or weirdos? We aren’t supermodels but I don’t think we’re ugly. And all guys are weird to a certain extent, right?? 

Post # 83
Member
3541 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

footprints:  I met my Darling Husband online. I also met two other significant relationships that way. Although I can be friendly and social when I have to be, I’m also fairly introverted and had no interest in meeting anyone out at a bar or at work, so online dating was the natural choice. Of course you are going to get the weirdos and slim-balls on there, but as long as you communicate with them a bit before meeting them, they usually reveal themselves. Good luck! 

ETA I had just graduated grad school when I met Darling Husband on there. He had just relocated to the city (he still was sleeping on a blow up bed when we first started talking) for work and decided to do it to meet people. He is seriously quite a catch! And together we are very much your quinetesential young professionals. *only added to give you an idea of online dating having decent people on there*

Edited again to add that it was OkCupid (a free site, the horror!). He was on it because he’s frugal, and I was on it because I just didn’t want to pay. Both of us were on there just to meet people and date, not for a relationship. Both of us did a 180 after a week and a half. 

Post # 84
Member
415 posts
Helper bee

If I were still single and hunting for a life partner, I would think — from a purely practical standpoint — that it would be really unwise to rule out online dating.

Dating is a numbers game. Online dating is an excellent way to boost the number of men you meet and sheer number of dates you go on — increasing the chances you’ll find the guy who’s just right sooner rather than later.

I resisted online dating for quite a while. But as soon as I joined Match and eHarmony, I went from dating occasionally to dating non-stop. I went from sitting at home on Friday nights with “Sex and the City” re-runs to having a parade of contenders. I averaged about four or five dates per week, including two dates per day on weekends! (one in the afternoon, one in the evening)

It was kind of exhausting but in a fun way. Fortunately it wasn’t very long before my husband and I were matched online. And he was a far better match for me than any of the guys I met IRL.

Post # 85
Member
9595 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

I have lots of friends who met their husband on Match and they’re happy as can be! I tried it at one point and nothing stuck but to be frank I got lots of free dinners out of it haha. You have to have thick skin and use common sense. You’ll also get a lot of creepy weird and rude messages.

I don’t think there’s any stigma anymore. Its so common. 

Post # 88
Member
256 posts
Helper bee

I actually really enjoyed my time online dating.

I was on OKCupid for 4 months before I met my SO. I met 2 people in person (including my SO), and handed out my google voice number to maybe 10 or so guys.

Sometimes it’s pure torture and the only messages you’ll get will be from losers, guys who only want sex, or guys you don’t even want to talk to because just from looking at their profile you can tell there are immediate dealbreakers.

I’m a nice person so at the beginning I responded to almost every message. Even from guys who I knew I wasn’t physically attracted to. While these guys were nice, the zero attraction whatsoever meant I knew it wouldn’t go anywhere romantic. But I found out later, this was more cruel than if I had just ignored their messages outright. So that’s my biggest piece of advice, ignore the majority of your messages unless you think there’s really something there.

Don’t give out your real phone number. Sign up for google voice and it will forward texts/calls to your real number. Meet in public (obviously). Keep your standards up and know you have the upperhand online dating as a woman. Feel free to move on/stop responding at any time. I preferred to meet very few guys in person and keep them at a distance for 2 or so weeks (first only messaging on the site, then only texting/phone) before I’d even entertain the idea of a date. Be online often, it’ll keep you in the top of the search. Don’t turn on instant messaging…

If you’re going the free route, OKCupid’s premium upgrade was fairly cheap and actually really nice to be able to choose who sees you viewed their profile, to see who rated you highly, etc. I recommend it. 

OH, and with OKCupid specifically! I made a fake profile. A 45 year old married man with no picture to assure I wouldn’t get any messages. I answered all the sexual, out there questions I didn’t want to answer on my real profile for the public to see and then I could search for the guy I was interested in and see how he answered those sexual/weird questions without having to publicly answer it myself. That was really helpful too.

I felt kind of like a detective, which is why I thought online dating was kind of fun. Feel free to ask me any other questions if you have them. Good luck!

Post # 89
Member
1444 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

footprints:  I met my Darling Husband on Okcupid, a *gasp* free site.

I used okcupid on and off for a couple years before I met Darling Husband, and by the time I met him, I gave 0 fucks if anyone judged me for dating online. I know I’m awesome and attractive, and I know there are lots of nerds online and that’s exactly my type, so where else am I supposed to meet them?  Conventions? Those are fun, but there are only so many of them, and they cost money and at the time I was dating I was a broke college student.

There were some creeps, but generally I found it easy to ignore them and not meet them in person. Altogether I met 6 guys: 1 was boring in person, 1 seemed fine and we were going to go on a 2nd date but he had dated the friend of a guy friend I also met online and she didn’t have the best things to say about him so I canceled it, 3 were good guys whom I’m still Facebook friends with but not romantically compatible with, and 1 is my Darling Husband. Before I met Darling Husband, I was having a lot of fun dating casually, I slept with and had friends-with-benefits arrangements with the 3 good guys. By the time I met Darling Husband, I was just looking for decent boyfriend material, but I got lucky that he was husband material.

I never felt the need to try a paid site, but it seems like the men there are generally more serious. But there are also guys like my Darling Husband who figure why spend money on a paid site if I don’t have to, so maybe they’ll end up on a paid site eventually, but maybe they’ll get swooped up before that.

And to a certain extent, you get out of it what you put into it: So write a good profile (thorough but not too long), share a few fun photos with different angles and situation, maybe one in a bikini or something, if the site has questions answer some, and remember that you don’t have to just wait for guys to come to you. I sent the first message to 2 of the 3 good guys and to my amazing Darling Husband 🙂 And once you do start messaging, I found that usually 1-3 weeks was a good time frame to meet in person, personally for a first date I usually started with drinks and we could decide from there.

Post # 90
Member
1444 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Jeneexoxo:  That fake profile thing is genius! I wish I had thought of that, lol. But luckily I found Darling Husband anyways 🙂

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