(Closed) Online dating is for losers/ugly people and other stigmas……

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 91
256 posts
Helper bee

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unicornphish:  Saved me from many a man who thought the idea going downtown was “gross” but expected it in return. Pft. πŸ˜‰

Post # 92
2120 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

My husband and I met online. I think we’re pretty cute πŸ™‚ 

We never would have met any other way, but we are absolutely 100% perfect for each other.

Free sites tend to have more hookup focused guys, but honestly aside from a few creepers which you can laugh at, I totally recommend!

Post # 93
936 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I met my fiance online πŸ™‚ we just started out talking as friends and getting to know each other.  After a few months we decided to go on a date the feeling was mutual. it’s been over 2 years now and we are engaged. we are getting married on our 3rd year anniversary this October and I couldn’t be happier he was also the first guy I met online and I got so lucky πŸ™‚ 

Post # 94
6949 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

Writing this without having read any responses, so if this thread went crazy, I know nothing of it and all I am basing my answer on is the original question…

My husband and I met on Hot or Not – totally terrible website for meeting people who aren’t just looking for an ego boost about their appearances, but there you go.  I joined up in college when it was newish, b/c it was funny to play with among our friends.  I kept it up later for the hell of it and the website morphed to allow some “about me” and to actually meet people.  I also tried eharmony and I think Match.  

I didn’t meet a single loser that way.  And by that I mean if they were losers, I literally wasn’t going to meet them.  I did meet a guy who was too redneck for me, but we had a fun evening shooting pool.  I met a couple of really great guys who just weren’t right for me (or me for them).  I got a boyfriend for a few months that I dumped for being too clingy, among other things (lots of red flags, still a real stand-up guy for the most part).  And I met my husband, who is an awesome person, of course.  I also actually had fun chatting on AIM with some guys who were 100% wrong for me. It gave me a different perspective, like just being buddies with people.  

Despite having hobbies, I guess I’m just not appealing to guys in the real world – bars, hobbies, etc. I met exactly one person in real life who wanted to ask me on a date, everyone else I met online.  Unfortunately for the one I first met in reality, I had just planned my trip to meet now-husband, so when he asked me out I turned him down until I knew how the trip went, and then turned him down forever.  We’re still buddies too though!

So have an adventure!  The stigma that used to surround internet dating is no longer there anyway.  My best friend is going to celebrate her 10th anniversary this year with the man she met on eharmony.  I’ll be celebrating my 1st anniversary first though.

Post # 95
563 posts
Busy bee

I’ve been single for a little over 2 years and have been off and on the dating sites and apps. I don’t think there is a stigma, although I have a few friends that I don’t share any stories about tinder with because they just get really judgy. I have found tinder and pof to be best used for laughs, since a LOT of the message are gross. I honestly think some of the guys sending them are trying to be funny and joking around with their buddies.

I feel differently about the paid sites than a lot of the bees seem to. I signed up for match and paid for a three month membership. I learned pretty quickly though that you can set yourself up with a profile on there for free, but you can’t use the messenger service until you pay. The problem with this is that there are thousands, if not hundreds of thousands of profiles that people set up and never used. When it says “last online” it won’t give a specific date but it will say “more than a week ago” instead. I often message guys first online and with the free sites I would get responses from maybe 50% of them. On match I hardly heard back from anyone. I realized pretty quickly that the chances of me messaging a person who is actually using the site and able to respond to my messages were slim. A lot of the guys on there that had profiles that seemed interesting to me were guys I had already come across on the free sites anyway. Otherwise there were some really desperate men and a lot of what I can only assume were dead profiles. Not saying it isn’t possible to meet someone there, I just didn’t feel like it was worth the money.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 5 months ago by  mohbestie.
Post # 96
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018 - Inn On Broadway

I met my bf online on match. He lives 6 hours away from me but I’m glad I met him bc any other guy I’ve met in bars, etc were a complete disaster. I’ve never use the free sites bc I’ve heard theres only creeps who only want to hook up. But it takes time though so like others have suggested, weed through the idiots lol.

Post # 97
173 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: Breckenridge, CO

I met my fiancé on a paid site (during my week long free trial so I never actually paid anything) although I met a lot of really great guys on free sites (Coffee Meets Bagel was a GOLDMINE of hot, fit, successful men!) 

Online dating is what you make of it.  Yeah, some guys are ugly/socially inept (I’d say 30% of the first dates I went on were duds) but the  majority of guys I dated were total catches (if maybe a little too busy with their careers or a little too full of themselves)  but I dated plenty of really awesome guys!  Tried lots of great restaurants too

Are you online dating because you’re new to town? I live in a major city and I was new to town- if you are new to town only date people who are new to town too because if they’re nice and normal and local they should have enough of a network of friends or a circle to set them up.   Not 100% correlation but I noticed enough of a trend to make that a rule 


Post # 98
36 posts

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footprints:  I met my Fiance online. How is it not better than meeting someone in a bar? You get to pick out things that are must haves, and go from there. He was my first date that I didn’t flake out on because I was nevous. He’s totally normal and could be an underwear model haha. 

Also to add – in my opinion it didn’t make sense for me to try anyone that was over 20 minutes away. I wouldn’t try to do that with anyone I met not online, and I love where I live so I would have never wanted to leave. Luckily I live in the 8th largest city in the US so it was easy to meet people. 

Post # 99
16 posts
  • Wedding: September 2016

I met my Fiance online, and he’s the hottest thing walking!  We met on Match, talked/texted for about a month, and then met in person.  As corny as it sounds, we “knew” on the first date.  πŸ™‚

Post # 100
893 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

It’s been oh, a decade or so since I heard ANY stigma against online dating.  Just like with everything else in life it seems, dating is now an online thing!  Totally not a big deal.  And think of it this way – YOU’RE not a loser, so don’t you think plenty of other people like you use dating sites?

That’s what I always say to people who turn up their noses at meeting people in bars – YOU go to bars and you’re pretty cool, so what’s wrong with other people who go to bars?  (H and I met at a bar ha ha).

Post # 101
121 posts
Blushing bee

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mohbestie:  I agree! I was on Match and eHarmony and saw the same thing: many men who were on those sites were also on free websites like me. I guess it’s a good idea to your expand your scope as much as possible!

I found my amazing boyfriend on OkCupid and I highly recommend it. It’s not only free but I find the UI much easier to navigate and the website is less cluttered than paid sites. It’s nice to have a large selection too unlike the paid ones that offer you a few options a day.

As everyone is saying, there’s always genuinely nice guys and men who think they’re “nice guys.” You may have to wade through a few sketchy ones before finding the one πŸ˜‰ just make sure you have fun, that’s what dating is supposed to be!

Post # 102
4347 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

I met SO on Tinder of all places! We talked for about a week, went to dinner and talked until the restaurant closed down around us. We realized we better leave when they started mopping the floor around us lol. Our 2nd date we went to lunch and ended up spending 14 hours together. And we’ve been inseparable ever since. At dinner he admitted he had sent me a message on POF and I never messaged him back. I remembered his message, it was so sweet but just got lost in the shuffle of the other messages I had to sort through. I am so grateful he talked to me on Tinder too! One of our best friends also met her awesome SO on Tinder! There is definitely hope, you just have to be patient enough to wade through all the crap to find the keepers. I definitely found mine! 

Post # 103
549 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: Backyard

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footprints:  I met my fiance on okcupid. He was living in Ohio and I was in Colorado. We talked on the phone for five months before he came to visit. In that time, we able to build a really solid relationship. After another three months, he moved out here. 

I went out with eight other guys I met online prior to meeting my fiance. Being an introvert, I found this to be a great fit. Some of us are able to form much stronger connections when we can start Iin writing and go from there.

I don’t buy the idea that online dating is for losers. It’s an opportunity to get to know what’s on the inside rather than having physical attraction as the starting point.

Post # 104
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

I actually feel bad for people who never got to try online dating…they never had the experience of wading out of their pool of friends of friends/coworkers/dudes in their general physical proximity.  It’s a wonderful way to meet people you would never have met otherwise, completely outside your social circle.  And yes, I met my Fiance on Match. It works. πŸ™‚ 

Post # 105
329 posts
Helper bee

I met my fiance over 15 years ago before online dating was a thing. We met in a BeSeen chatroom role playing as our favourite video game characters. We chatted before game sessions, then moved onto ICQ, bought phone cards to talk for 10 minutes at a time (phone rates were expensive), and then continued from one platform to the next. 

We finally met up about 10 years ago and he moved to my country almost 5 years ago. We’re getting married this year.

So yeah. If we can do it without dating websites and turn out fine, then dating website matchups are probably okay. πŸ™‚

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