Post # 1
UGH… ok i need to get this off my chest and see if anyone can give me some advice on how not to strangle Future Mother-In-Law.
First off let me say that I do love her and am kind of close to her. However if I have to hear one more time “Do you even know him?” Him being MY FI!!!! I will go off and it will not be pretty. Um yes as a matter of fact I do know him! I hate that just because I’m doing something or saying something that she thinks my Fiance won’t like she has to say that. I understand that she is his mother and knows him very well and has known him much longer but I am his Fiance and have made it three years being completely myself without pissing him off to bad. I also know what he does and doesn’t like but I’m not going to stop being me just because it slightly bugs him, if it was that big of a deal to HIM then he would tell me and I would fix my behavior. She does not need to tell me how to act in my relationship. I just hate it because it makes me feel like crap especially when other people are around. And when she does say it sometimes I start to freak out because I’m thinking what if I really am pissing him off and he isn’t telling and just complaining to his mom about me but everytime that is not the case because I ask him and he says its just his mom. It almost feels like a power struggle, because she only said this maybe once or twice before we got engaged but now I hear it around once a week, does she feel like she is losing him? I just don’t know what to do, it’s just one of those things that really kills me… and I have 3 more years until I’m actually his wife, maybe she will stop then, but who knows.
Any advice or words of encouragment out there????
Post # 3
Aww, I’m sorry—that is pretty rough. What if you approached this from a different angle, and rather than becoming defiant with your Future Mother-In-Law, what if you told her that it hurts your feelings when she says that? If you took a soft approach, she may feel badly and change her behavior, rather than persisting to convince you that “you don’t know him!” You could even be honest and tell her that you would never want to intentionally piss off your Fiance, and maybe she has some advice? I think if you ‘side’ with her to some extent (make it clear that you are two women who love the same guy), she may stop fighting you.
Post # 4
Ignore her, I swear some mothers get kooky when they realize that their son isn’t their little boy any more.
Post # 5
Just reply “Oh I KNOW him, in a way you don’t know him!” *wink *wink
Post # 7
@eeniebeans: lol. I dare ya to say this!
Post # 8
@eeniebeans: Lol maybe I will try that!!!
I think Fiance talked to her about it… I just hate how I was so close to her and now that we are engaged I feel like I can’t talk to her anymore because she has been acting like a little teenage girl who isn’t getting what she wants.
Post # 9
You know that’s not going to get better once you’re married, right? That MILs like that will just redirect their criticisms to some other aspect of your relationship?
Post # 10
@alyssaC: Weddings and children tend to bring out the family drama, so I wouldnt hold my breath on her cutting this out over the next 3 years. If your fiance is going to make the commitment of marrying you, he needs to step up and tell her to knock it off. OR you can also have a conversation with her about it yourself. Either way, he needs to be on board and support you. If you choose to talk to her about it I would recommend approaching it like this – “MIL, I care about your son and therefore care about our relationship. To be honest, it really hurts my feelings when you say (insert not-so-nice comment here).” See what she has to say.
To be honest, this happens a lot… mothers can often times resent their children and their children’s spouses when they fly to coop, get married, have children, etc… to a mom it’s like her baby doesn’t need her anymore, she’s not the most important woman in his life, etc. It doesn’t make it right, but if you can at least get an idea of WHY she’s acting the way she is, it may make it easier to get over it.
Post # 11
Just an update. Fiance did speak to her and she told him that she was worried he was rushing into our engagment and she didn’t want him to make her mistakes. He told her that it was his choice and that I am the most important person in his life now and she needed to respect that. He also told her he appreciated her concerns but she needed to come to him with them right away from now on. Hopefully this will help get her to back off and leave me alone.