Post # 1
So one of my bridesmaids is driving me crazy and I need your advice – am I being a bridezilla, too sensitive??
My friend has been bothering me since pretty much day one of getting engaged. I’m going to list some of her comments:
1. I love your ring, but I would need one that’s bigger.
2. Please don’t have an expensive bachelorette party (when she’s spenidng thousands of dollars on traveling for herself).
3. Can you make your wedding venue easily accessible by public transportation.
4. Suggested that it was distasteful not to have a rehearsal dinner.
5. And then yesterday, she was texting me all day long asking about my dress shopping, and then I sent her a picture of what I deemed to be ‘the dress’ and she responds with “nice..” which obviously made me think she doesn’t like it. I confronted her about it and she played dumb.
I’m at the point where I’m thinking of asking her not to be in my bridal party because I feel like she’s constantly bringing me down. Has anyone dealt with someone like this? She’s a great friend and someone who I want to share my special day with but I feel like she’s been causing my unnecessary stress. Please let me know your thoughts!
Post # 3
1. probably just jealous, i would let this go
2. where she spends her money is her choice, but i guess she wanted to suggest anyway
3. strange request, ignore this one
4. she is entitled to her opinion, but rehearsal dinners aren’t really neccessary especially if not having a rehearsal. (i am wondering the neccessity of mine, but it is a good time to bond with guests in a less stressful environment.)
5. sounds like she likes the dress. text is hard to analyze emotion.
you already asked her, so you can’t unask her.
Post # 4
@QueenJenJen: I do think it sounds like she’s being a little insensitive/bitchy/jealous, but she may also just be clueless and think that she’s being helpful (or at least not realize she is being hurtful). If you already asked her to be a BM, I’d say you can’t ask her not to be a part of the bridal party. But you can tell her that she’s hurting your feelings and ask her to bite her tongue if she only has negative things to say. I think that’s a totally fair thing to ask of a BM.
But especially #2 – while it isn’t right of her to request that your bachelorette party isn’t expensive (it sounds super snotty of her), please don’t think that you can monopolize all of her money and chastise her personal travel plans on account of your wedding. THAT is a bridezilla mentality. I traveled for personal reasons around the same time as my friends’ wedding, and though I never would have told her not to have an expensive bachelorette party, I was very irritated that I had to spend money on an unnecessary hotel room for the weekend in the same city that I live in. I did it, but I wasn’t pleased with it. On the other hand, if she would’ve snottily said that I shouldn’t complain about the cost of HER wedding’s events because I traveled too much for my personal reasons, I would have been furious, because that’s rude.
My best advice is to have a little chat with her and tell her that the way she’s talking about wedding things is hurting your feelings and ask her if she really wants to be a part of the wedding. If so, let her know that she needs to be supportive and keep her negative feelings to herself. It’s not fair for her to be bringing you down during an already stressful time!
Post # 5
She sounds jealous. If the hurtful comments continue, sit down with her and ask her what’s up. Her comment about your ring is just catty (I hate garbage like that). The bachelorette isn’t supposed to be up to anyway, I don’t think, so the cost has nothing to do with you. Everything else is kind of “meh” – somewhere in the middle. I would say nip this in the bud now, before it blooms into something ugly.
Post # 6
@Blonde17Jess: Yeah – I’m going to have to chat with her about the things she’s saying and tell her they hurt my feelings.
Post # 8
She is probably a little jealous but I think you are overreacting to the text. Try not to respond when she says something negative maybe that would give her a cue as to cut it out.
If you drop her, it would make the situation worse. You are not a bridezilla (at least, not yet)
Post # 9
Thank you for all of your suggestions.
Post # 10
1. That’s just a strange comment to make.
2. She’s probably just trying to let you know that she’s trying to be budget conscience. I mean, with some of the crazy parties I’ve heard of, I always worry about a bride wanting to celebrate a huge expensive weekend away. It may not be in her power to decide the party, but it is in her power to let you know that if it’s super expensive, she won’t be able to make it.
3. Not sure why she would suggest that.
4. If you’re not having a rehearsal, you don’t have to have a dinner. But I would be kind of off-put if there was a rehearsal and no dinner. From where I’m from, having a rehearsal without dinner is like receiving a wedding gift and not sending a thank you. The dinner is supposed to thank your bridal party for being there for you. It can be as simple as ordering pizza.
5. She might have been caught up in something and just had to text a short reply. Happens to me all the time.
You’re not a bridezilla, but I think you’re reading into this too deeply.