(Closed) Only Child?

posted 3 years ago in Babies
Post # 77
Member
755 posts
Busy bee

Qlavata :  My Darling Husband is an only child and he is very well adjusted and kind and generous. He loves being an only child and we are considering only having one child. Everything I’ve read about only children shows that they are just as well adjusted as all other children, and that the “selfish only child” thing is a myth.

The burden of taking care of aging parents is real, but at the same time, even if you did have more children it doesn’t mean that they would necessarily help with taking care of you guys. I’ve worked at with older adults and seen many, many situations where one sibling is the only caretaker for the parents.

Post # 78
Member
62 posts
Worker bee

anabee323 :  or neither child wants to take care of the parents and they end up in a home, alone. There’s no guarantee they’ll take care of you at all.

Post # 79
Member
2180 posts
Buzzing bee

lovespoutine :  Exactly.

My Fiance and I each have a sibling. I adore my little sister and even though we fought like cats and dogs as kids we’re friends as adults. My FI’s older brother is an addict and an abuser and my Fiance has zero contact with him by choice. Unpacking and processing the emotional scars inflicted by his brother is something he will be doing indefinitely. A lot of his adolescence was made hell by this person (obviously his parents didn’t plan it that way) and there’s no shortage of people in similar situations.

As far as children supporting their parents goes, I can’t follow the logic of it. Maybe the sibling becomes estranged, or moves to the other side of the world, or just decides they don’t give a shit. Maybe they take advantage of their parents and are a huge drain on family finances. My mom has three caring, stable siblings and is still frustrated because she feels the ones local to my grandmother aren’t doing enough to look after her as her dementia progresses. I feel like creating/participating in a community that doesn’t rely on something as random as blood relation –like a religious community–is a much better way to build a solid support network.

As for the whole sharing family memories thing…as cold as it is, everyone dies and it won’t be that long before no one knows what your favorite color was or what kind of person you were. It’s amazing to have heirlooms and documentation from members of the family tree, but generational knowledge is incredibly finite and relies almost entirely on luck. My dad passed away a couple years ago and myself and my sister are increasingly estranged from our aunt. She’s alive but it doesn’t mean we have access to her stories of my dad’s childhood or much of his life before my mom was in the picture. It is what it is.

 

TL;DR the reason to have one child is because you and your partner want one child, the reason to have more than one child is because you and your partner want more than one child.

Post # 80
Member
51 posts
Worker bee

I’m an only child and sometimes I think it did affect how I am in some ways.  My mom wanted more children but it never worked out.  I always wanted siblings when I was a kid and I was very, very shy.  I depended on my mom for everything, even when I was older into college years.

Now I’m fine, I think I do enjoy having alone time more because I was used to always being alone at home.  I love to just be at home by myself.  My house was always quiet but my mom and I were super closer.  I hated having roommates in college because I was used to having my own space.  Just things like that I guess could be caused by being an only child.  I did depend on my mom for a lot but I think that’s also just how she raised me.

Now we are super close and she is like a best friend.  I love spending time with her.  🙂 I do worry about the future and it will be super hard when she gets older.  I am grateful that my Fiance has a larger family because for me, my family was always tiny and I hated not having a lot of family members at events like graduations, etc.  I definitely want at least 2 kids because of it. 🙂

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