Post # 1
A bit of a disclaimer before beginning: I am a brand new mom to a sweet 6-week old baby boy. So, DH and I are definitely still adjusting to the reality of being parents and the changes to our life now that he’s our priority.
DH and I always talked about wanting two kids. We’ve just had our first baby and as I neared the end of my pregnancy, I began thinking about what life would be like if we elected to only have one baby. Now that he’s here, I can’t stop imagining all the wonderful experiences I want him to have with us. For example, I want him to see as much of the U.S. as possible and to explore the different parts of the country with DH and myself before traveling abroad. Having two kids would make that more challenging of course. I am obviously in the thick of new parenthood (newborns are hard, but so precious). I want to hear from Bees who chose to keep it at one and done. If you wouldn’t mind, share why you wanted one baby and the benefits and disadvantages for both you and the baby. Thanks!
Also, if we choose to have another baby, it will not be until our son is 4-5. If anyone has kids further apart in age and wants to share the benefits/disadvantages, I would love that too!
ETA: Only children feel free to respond and share your experiences! Love hearing from everyone.
This topic was modified 4 years, 8 months ago by KatiePi.
Post # 2
Well, I’m not a mom, but I am an only child. There are definitely times I feel like I’m missing something by not having siblings, but it has opened up so many opportunities for me that I think I got a pretty good deal after all. Because there was only me, my parents could afford to travel with me (both in the sense of money and sanity), they were able to pay for my school, and I got a lot more attention growing up. I was never lonely or anything like that, I just got good at entertaining myself. I think choosing to parent an only child is an awesome choice.
Post # 3
I have a 3 year old son and he will most likely be our only child. We feel very complete with the 3 of us in our little family, and don’t feel like anything is missing. Having only one child gives us a lot of freedom and opportunity to teach him new things and let him experience things we just wouldn’t be able to do with more than one child. My husband is an only child and he is a completely well-rounded and adjusted adult who is great with people, so I don’t think being an only child has to hinder how a person turns out. We make it a point not to spoil our child materially, but want him to be rich in love and life experience.
Post # 4
Yup, another only child chiming in- although I know it’s not what you asked- and while I see my friends relationships with their siblings and at times feel like I’m missing out, I loved growing up as an only child. I really cherish the memories my parents were able to give me and I was never lonely. I remember my childhood fondly and some of my favourite memories were our Friday pizza nights and Saturday afternoons playing board games. People at times make it seem like being an only child is weird and sad but it’s not- and I’ve grown up o be pretty independent and self sufficient because of it.
Post # 5
All I can really say is that I am an only child, and I turned out completely, 100% good. No only child turns out to be some anti social weirdo who can’t talk to people the way we’re sometimes made out to be. And if they do, it’s not for their lack of sibling! Especially this day in age, with all of the daycare time and preschools out there. And really, even if you’re a Stay-At-Home Mom who elects not to do any recreational classes for your toddler, at age 5 they will begin kindergarten and be surrounded by children for 8 hours a day.
I think being an only child made me more creative. I know how to entertain myself. The biggest drawback was feeling alone when my parents faught a lot. Also, when they die it will me up to me to deal with everything (not that having a sibling would necessarily relieve those duties).
I’m sure if I had a sibling, I would be pretty much exactly the same person I am today. I am happy to have received so much individual attention from my parents, and that does not somehow make me “spoiled”. And I also know how to share, haha. In my opinion, if I’d had to constantly share everything I owned as a kid I’d probably be less inclined to share now!
I plan on only having one kid, too. Maybe 2. But most likely, 1 will be plenty for me. 🙂 Hope this helps!
Post # 6
Following because we are on the fence about number two. DD is 2 and life is pretty easy now. We are just getting to the point where we can take her to do the things we use to enjoy before baby. Skiing, hiking, traveling is easier. If we had another, I feel like we would be starting all over again – stuck at home.
The only thing that keeps me thinking that I want another is that my sister is my best friend. I honestly don’t know what I would do without her. There is obviously no guarantee that my children would have the same relationship. They could hate each other! But I feel like I’m not giving her that chance.
Either way, we need to decide soon. Probably around June/July. We are under a time crunch because of my age and my job. I only have pockets of time that a pregnancy would work with my career.
OP: I have heard people say that have kids that far apart, it’s easier because the older child can actually help with the baby. Or they may even be in school, so it will just be you and the little one.
Post # 7
I’m an only. I am so glad now. I’ve had all of the traveling experiences you have talked about with my parents growing up. We went out of the country somewhere every year, always were on an adventure and it was amazing. I am very close with my parents. I am now taking over FI’s siblings, so that is nice to have that sibling relationship. I also had a close friend growing up who would come on trips with us sometimes when appropriate destinations. My parents were late 30s when they had me so I think that really altered the dynamic of our relationship as well (in a good way). Since they were older they wanted someone more calm, which it was with having just one child (nobody for me to get into trouble with).
I think I would have a much different life if I had a sibling (obviously) and don’t think I would like it as much. Fiance and I also really want just one child. I can’t express enough how much I love my situation.
Post # 8
I’m the exact same as you. My only fear is when they’re gone I will be completely alone. Except for the family I make but it will be different to be the only person who has known me since I was little… lol
Post # 9
Oh wow, I never even considered the part about being the only person to know me since I was little! That’s so strange! I don’t even have any other family I’m close to. I only have 2 cousins who are much younger than me, and I only see aunts and uncles on Christmas.
Luckily, my future only child will have a lot of family from my FI’s side. That is something that I wish I would have had OP, is relationships with any family other than my parents. Still, it’s not the end of the world and I’m very happy to be an only.
Post # 10
thelibrarylady: ClaudiaKishi: lovelyruby:
I actually love hearing from only children. Thank you for sharing! I love hearing about the experiences you all had and that you (for the most part) enjoyed it! DH is an only child, but he didn’t like it because of the situation with his parents and because they lived in a tiny town where everyone was related. I grew up with two sisters and loved it, but we definitely had fewer memorable experiences because it was a lot of people!
If we decide to have just one, this is exactly what we want for him. Rich in experiences and adventures with us.
I have sisters and overall, have a close relationship with them, so I totally get where you’re coming from. That’s my fear too-missing out on that special bond. But, like you said, I know it’s not a guarantee. I do think about going through this newborn phase again and just don’t know. I love my son intensely and will miss this age as he gets bigger, but it is a total change and restricts what we can do. Part of the reason we want to wait so long before considering a second baby is because we want to enjoy each stage with him. I’ve heard many say that it was easier when their first was a bit older, but wonder if we’d want to do the whole newborn/infant stage again once we get out of it.
Post # 11
I’m not a parent, but my sister is 6 years younger than me. We are not super close because of the age gap. I can relate to the only children who sometimes feel like they may have missed out on something by not having siblings as my sis and I were always at totally different stages in life growing up. My parents liked the aspect of me being a built in babysitter for her. I love my sister, but I do wish she was closer in age.
Post # 12
Wow! It’s sounds like you had a great childhood with them! I would want to provide those opportunities for our son and just think about how much more we could do if it was the three of us.
Post # 13
Congratulations! You’ve just embarked on the most amazing journey in which you will ever have the honor of being a participant. As a fellow mom (of four, but that’s beside the point, I’m just incredibly proud of my brood full of gingers!) let me just encourage you to not focus on worrying about one baby, two babies, six babies or ten babies right now and instead encourage you to cuddle and squeeze and hug and nuzzle and love your baby who is here right now. The moments go by faster than you will ever believe and you will have time to figure out what size family you’d like to have a bit further on down the road. Right now, just enjoy the little family that’s under your roof now.
Congratulations again! So very happy for you! Whatever you do end up deciding in the future will be the right choice because it will be yours. 😊
Post # 14
Read the book One and Only. Lots of great research showing that in all aspects Only children are equal to (or better than) kids with siblings. The myth of the Spoiled Antisocial Only is wrong and outdated.
I’m an Only that loved being an only. it was hard that we moved so much (Dad was military), but it taught me to be independent but also reach out to make friends. And due to age, we are One and Done.
Post # 15
Not an only child nor a parent, but wanted to give another perspective.
I have one sibling, with behavioural disorders/mental health problems. I have always craved that typical sibling relationship, but never had it. My mum has recently admitted that my life would have been very different. We didn’t have family trips, we didn’t go to nice places together. Sibling’s behaviour just wasn’t good enough.
I always considered myself cfbc but my fiancé wants a family. After many emotional, lengthy discussions we have agreed to one child after we’re married. I never want a child to feel like they aren’t important, or like they are unwanted, like I did through much of my childhood. I don’t want a child to be held back or have the guilt and emotional responsibility of a sibling. I love my younger sibling, but when someone is on self destruct mode there’s not much you can do. I am now in therapy, dealing with the guilt that eats me up every day.
On one hand, it’s a built in best friend. But that’s not always how it goes. Take it as it comes, enjoy your little boy, and you’ll know later if your family feels complete.