Post # 1
I could scream.
SO and I just got off the phone with one another and engagement came casually up in the conversation and I was saying how I told a friend about a timline for when we would get MARRIED meaning engagement already gone through. When SO and I had talked about this a few weeks ago he said that we would be married in the next three years and I had told him that I needed at least 18 months to plan and get everything together and he agreed. Leaving me with about 1 1/2 years to wait,which sounded fair and do-able as I am not a very patient woman to say the least. Anyhow, during this conversation he immediately stated that he meant four years, not three and that I had misheard him the first time, even though I know I didn’t since we talked about having our wedding with an odd number at the end (2015!). Let me just say that I have caught the engagement fever full blown lately,and I am ready to take the next step in my life SO always reassures saying that it WILL happen. I am so sick and tired of it WILL happen, I just want it to happen already. SO then stated that it was about money and that he couldn’t get into anymore debt, the thing that ticks me off about this is that he has had said debt for the past almost 4 years we’ve been together. The debt is also not very much and SO was even living rent free for a while so I don’t understand if there’s actually more debt than he’s telling me or it’s really not a priority of his. I am just so overwhelmed and frustrated and I must also admit that a lot of times I am envious, and for that I ashamed. I have a wonderful man that loves me, a roof over my head and a million blessing but somehow I can’t help but feel jealous that all my friends are getting engaged and have been dating WAY less time then we have. I think my insecurites try to sneak up and steal my joy :/
Any of you ladies have problems playing the waiting game lately?
Post # 3
I think we all have a lil trouble waiting 🙂
If it truly is a cost thing.. is looking into a non-diamond e-ring an option ? Cost was a thing for us, which is why we went with something cheaper (Moissanite).
Hope this helps a lil 🙂
Post # 4
Oh I don’t want a diamond ring, I want a morganite ring with possible diamond accents, most likely mossianite, I love the sparkle. So, it is fairly inexpensive in regards to higher priced diamonds.I have also discussed trying to set up a budget and he just always pushes me away or gets upset about it. I am just tired of it,haha. If I do wait the alloted four years, I would have been waiting for 8 years, holy guacamole, I don’t even want to think about it.
Post # 5
@Miss Adventure: That would be a long time, but they do say the best things are worth waiting for 🙂 About the budget, I would just say, “hey I know this might not be your favorite topic but it is very important to me and I’m hopeing we can set up a budget. ” but that’s just me 😛
Post # 6
@Miss Adventure: I can totally understand him wanting to have his priorities in order, I respect that and I think that is really admirable! On the other hand, I know how you feel because I am going through some similar ‘waiting pains’. One thing that has really helped, is we sat down a few weeks ago and talked about it – had a real heart to heart discussion. Not nagging, no crying (OK I lie, there were a few I-want-it-now tears on my part ) and were totally open with each other about what we expected from one another.
We identified the things we both want to put in order before we take the next step, WROTE A PLAN together to accomplish them. I feel like when you sit together and write things down it brings more accountability. I do think maybe there is more to the debt ‘excuse’ than you may know. Maybe you could get him to agree to credit counseling, or go see a financial planner to set him on his way to achieving his goal?
Don’t let jealousy or envy keep you from being happy for others in your life! I take great joy when the people I know get engaged, get married, have babies, buy homes, etc… because I know through genuine gratitude and happiness for the ones I love, I come closer to my own. You will too.
Post # 7
ive been with my fi 5 years i went through the same song and dance as you, waiting in limbo on his unrealistic timeline. read mr bees backup plan here, it worked for me,
Post # 8
I’m sorry, I know it’s difficult! It sounds like you guys have talked, but still don’t seem to be on the same page. How long have you been together already? And why 4 years? What does he want to accomplish in those years that would prevent an earlier engagement? I agree with MissCoCo in that I feel like you should sit down and make a plan together. Part of that should be your financial plan, short-term and long-term. Finances are one area that couples fight about most often. It helps when both people are honest and open about their finanical situation as well as how they handle their money on a day to day basis.
I think a big portion of Mr. Bee’s plan is to focus on yourself and do things that make you happy. The more you obsess about the lack of proposal, the worse it makes things. Have the conversation, come to an understanding and then move on!