Post # 1
I know this is going to sound selfish but I’m going to ask anyway.
My brother and his wife have decided that for christmas everyone will only buy for the kids. Now don’t get me wrong because I would be buying for their kids anyway! But Fiance and I do not have children and are not going to have any (FI is getting the big snip this weekend). I feel like we are getting excluded because we dont have kids.
I have two brothers, both have two children so the way I see it is, I buy for brother1’s family and brother2’s family. Brother1 buys for brother2 and brother2 buys for brother1.. but no one is giving to my family…
Of course I never said anything as I would just look the selfish one who wants presents but it really hurt my feelings…
Should I bring it up or just accept that my family will never be included?
Post # 3
@FutureMrsKenward: …do you have pets? For a while we bought stuff for everyone’s kids and they all sent toys and treats for the dogs…it worked. Until I decided that I was tired of not buying gifts for the people I really wanted to give things to and said to hell with your gift giving restrictions…I GIVE TO WHOM I CHOOSE!
Post # 4
@FutureMrsKenward: Maybe just do family gifts? Or maybe do a gift exchange and set a cost limit? I’ve never heard of a situation like this, so I’m not sure what other options there are to be included in the gift exchange.
Post # 5
@FutureMrsKenward: I think that’s weird and I totally get why you’d feel left out!
I would try to suggest doing a “secret Santa” with the adults. On one side of my family everyone buys for the kids but at Thanksgiving the adults all put their names into a hat & pull one name to buy a gift for. You can set a price range. (There’s some confusion about our range but I’ve heard everything from $35-$60.) Our rules are you can’t pick your own name or anyone in your immediate family. (We do this with our cousins, so I can’t pick my sister’s name… but in your family you could probably just say not spouses.)
Alternately, my BFF does an exchange with her family where everyone buys a gift (they do $50 gifts) and you do the whole “White Elephant” thing where someone opens a gift and the next person can steal it or open a new one. I think that’s fun because it gives you an activity to do. I know at some families the night can feel like it’s taking forever!
Post # 6
@FutureMrsKenward: Do they know you’re not planning to ever have kids ever? I don’t think they were planning to exclude you, they simply assumed that Christmas gifts are mostly for kids.
Would you suggest doing a gift exchange? We always celebrate Christmas with my extended family, probably 30 people; it would be too expensive to buy gifts for everyone, so we do a secret santa among the adults, that way everyone gets a gift.
We all buy for the kids in the family, it’s the best part of the evening to see the kids opening all their gifts 🙂
Post # 7
@Nona99: Thats a great idea! We have a dog whos pretty much our baby! Maybe I’ll just send them a list of things that puppy loves
@MexiPino: FI brought that up as option but my silblings are dead set on only the children… We do a secret santa on FI’s side and its really nice. We all get to see the kids open gifts and every adult gets one gift. I tried last year to bring this us and got shot down.. maybe I’ll try again this year.
Post # 8
@FutureMrsKenward: we are doing this in my family and I’m the one without kids. But we decided because my mom and I always bought presents for everyone (even the always changing SOs of my siblings) but they never bought for anyone else. I could see how your situation would be a bit unfair!! Maybe mention it to your mom since it’s kind of the same for her (unless they’d still get parent gifts) and she what she suggests.
Post # 9
@FutureMrsKenward: Haha, I can see myself getting so worked up about this if I were you! In my family, it seems that so many of the yearly events are already focused around the children (early birthday parties for adults so the kids can be in bed on time, etc.) I can’t imagine them excluding you from Christmas. To me, religious or not, Christmas is a time to celebrate with your loved ones. That means all of them.
I also love to give gifts, and I could care less about which toys I get for the kids. They usually won’t remember by even the next year, yet your adult family members are likely to really appreciate the gifts. This is so silly to me!
Post # 10
@MexiPino: We totally do the same! My family also picks name from a hat during Thanksgiving and we have the same rules! I live in another state and only go home for Christmas, so my mom picks names for me & my Darling Husband.
Post # 11
@Turtle Bride: They know we aren’t and are pretty bitter about it actually. Dont get me wrong because I love to see the kids open their gifts on christmas!! I just want our family to be included as well.
I’m so conflicted on it because I feel like I shouldn’t say anything but I cant help having my feelings hurt.
Post # 12
My family alwas did a children-only gift swap, and people with no kids were excluded/pardoned unless they really felt the urge to be generous!
Post # 13
@Turtle Bride: I love it. We’ve been doing it for at least 10 years and it’s seriously the best thing ever. Both sides of my family are on budgets, so on Mom’s where we do the exchange I get one gift that I really like, but on Dad’s I get a bunch of stuff I have no use for. I keep trying to convince them to do an exchange (“Hey! You can buy ONE $30 gift instead of 20 $5-$10 gifts! That’s a $70-$170 savings!!”) but they won’t listen to reason 🙁
Post # 14
This also reminds me of the episode of Sex and the City where Carrie registered for Monolo pumps because she was tired of a selfish friend whom she had given gifts for wedding, showers, kids birthday parties, etc. and never getting anything in return. I know it’s good for the kids in your situation, but I do think it is unfair!
Post # 15
Everybody is somebody’s children.
Post # 16
@FutureMrsKenward: If they know and they’re bitter about your choice of not having children, then I would be hurt as well about this 🙁
If I were you, I would suggest doing a gift exchange among the adults. I think that’d be fair for all.
@MexiPino: We also been doing it for 10 years or more, we actually provide a list of items we want for Chrismas, so our Secret Santa can pick from the list and we all get exactly what we want. Our range is $25-40. It’s awesome!