Post # 1
So today I’m looking at wedding emails I’ve been trading back and forth with various people…catering, Etsy chick that’s making my bouquet, woman I bought my dress from on here, etc etc, when I come across an email from a fellow bee in my local area who will be doing my wedding pics. Long story, short…we can’t afford a “real” photographer for our wedding so I was looking for someone that does photography that would be willing to do it at a “reasonable cost”. A local Bee is trying to start her own business and offered to do my wedding for free in exchange for using it to build her portfolio. She also offered to do an “engagement session” for free so we can see her work and make sure we would be happy with her for the big day. Wellllll…silly me has NO CLUE what an “engagement session” really is so I decided to google it. One of the results popped up a photographer that had this note as part of their Home Page: “The emotional element: Creating a visual story of a couple’s love and all of the emotions surrounding their love is the whole point of engagement photos. This time in your life happens only once.”
Let’s look at that last part again, shall we? “This time in your life happens only once.” Seriously?!?! While I do understand what he/she is “trying” to say do they not realize the divorce rate in our country or the number of “encore” brides and grooms that put hundreds and even thousands of dollar into our economy every single day for wedding stuff??? And since we are all encores, this is probably not something that has happened only once. Many of us had beautiful first weddings…some even had beautiful 2nd and 3rd weddings. AND I think most of us went into those marriages thinking “this is it! I am going to be with him for the rest of my life” and didn’t think we could be any more in love than we were at that moment in time. But…life happens, people change and here we are today, taking a chance on love AGAIN and getting ready to live our happily-ever-after.
“This time in your life happens only once.” … I think not!
Post # 3
i’m confused…. so… you are angry that someone is trying to be optimistic? i mean… IDEALLY this time in your life happens only once.
what do you want them to say? “this time in your life happens as many times as you want as long as you are willing to deal with lawyers, alimony, and child support. good luck!”
Post # 5
I think she was saying that maybe the lady could have worded it different. Or replaced life with relationship. lol idk. I dont think she was trying to say bad anything about this lady being “optimistic” though
Post # 6
I know what you mean, actually. So why not look at it this way: “This time in your life only happens once when you are ready to commit to the one you love”. Who cares if it’s “again” or “someone new”? This is the FIRST time that it all seems to have fallen into place. Does that make sense? 🙂
Post # 7
@helenc32: I get it…as an Encore bride myself I can see how that little statement could rub someone the wrong way.
However, I do think they are just trying to be optimistic and not saying that being married more than once is terrible or anything. It’s more of a marketing technique for the first time brides that want to have every single thing for their wedding experience. Because most of those brides probably read that and go ” Aww that’s so right it’s only going to happen once we HAVE to do this!”. I don’t think it’s meant negatively towards us Encore Brides though.
Post # 8
i wouldn’t be offended by that, personally. most people who get the whole 9 yards of photography done are typically 1st timers. encore brides tend to forgo all of the excess and focus on the ceremony and reception, i think. she’s selling a service, so i’m sure she just wants to make it romantic 🙂
Post # 9
Idealistic vs. Realistic. Sure, 1/2 of marraiges end in divorce, but who wants to be thinking about that when they are planning their wedding? I’m sure she did not mean anything by it, although she may want to tweak her phrasing a bit.
Post # 10
@Crisark: I totally agree.
I’m an encore bride too, and I always catch that “once in your life” thing in marketing, or when brides are trying to justify an expense that they want, but it’s not offensive. You certainly hope it’s the only time you are doing it and you don’t want to hear a bride say “I have to do this, it’s my first marriage!” 🙂
Post # 11
I’m an encore bride and it doesn’t bother me in the least. My fiance, who has never been married, says something similar all the time. For whatever reason, it seems like maybe you’re a little more sensitive to it.
Post # 12
@milesbella: hmmmm…maybe. It seems like everywhere I turn these past couple of weeks I’ve heard “but this isn’t your first marriage right?” or “well since this isn’t your first marriage you really don’t need to worry about getting/having that”. I guess for me and my specific situation, I am doing a little more this time simply because I didn’t have all the “extra’s” the first go round…no photographer, no nice reception, no honeymoon. This is my “dream wedding”. Like I said…I DO get what she’s saying. I guess I am just a little over-sensitive right now. ;-/
Post # 13
@helenc32: Oh trust me, I’ve heard those exact same comments – “Why are you having engagement photos for a second wedding?,” “You’re going to put an announcement in the newspaper?” or “You’re wearing an actual gown? I figured you’d just wear a nice dress…you know, since you’ve been married before.”
From the time I announced our engagement until now, I’ve heard all sorts of negative comments. They bothered me at first but I’ve gotten used to it AND they’ve actually stopped (now that everyone realizes…this is OUR wedding, FI’s FIRST wedding and we can celebrate it however we want).
You just have to get tough skin with those few people who will try to rain on your parade. It’s YOUR special day – you can celebrate however you want, wear whatever dress you like, invite as many people as you like, have a full reception or a quiet backyard get together – whatever YOU and your fiance want!
Post # 14
My own mother is the one who first told me that she was sure I would never want to get married again. Right Mom because I want to grow old alone in a house full of 23 cats and have all the neigbors talk about poor lonely miss so and so. Then I was told by my mother well I guess you are not going to have a wedding are you??? ?Then there was her total look of shock and horror as I told her I was wearing an Ivory gown. So what I now say to anyone who makes the ‘You’ve been married before” comment I simply reply – “not to him I haven’t” Stops em dead in their tracks.
Good luck Encore brides. We deserve love just like the rest of them!!
Post # 15
I am an encore bride, but my first wedding was more of an elopement. So I guess “This time in your life only happens once…” would apply to me. I’ve already told HeFlutter that I am NOT doing this again…he’s stuck with me! ^.^
Post # 16
I hear ya on the frustration that the phrase isn’t entirely realistic/optimistic. However, I don’t think that phrase is trying to comment on one’s marriage(s) at all; I think its only purpose is to solicit clients. It’s underlying message, the true implication of it all, is designed to pressure one to hire the photographer to be sure to preserve that precious event. The idea is, “Hey you! You better preserve this moment and preserve it right because you won’t get the chance to preserve this exact event, with this exact gathering, at this exact time, ever again. So hire me to photograph it for you!”