Only invited to ceremony but not reception?! Really?

posted 2 years ago in Reception
Post # 46
Member
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

Decline. I’d be sending a card with well wishes and that’s it. No gift. 

Post # 47
Member
2263 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
trackwise :  I’d send them a card (a very thick card—maybe a pop up one?) in the mail to congratulate their union. Can you imagine how disappointed they’ll be once they open the card and discover there’s no $$$$$ enclosed? LMAO! I’m dying laughing at the thought. 

 

Whatever you do, don’t go. 

 

They should both be so, so embarrassed. I guarantee this will end up haunting them for the rest of their lives, as they are going to severely taint 75% of their relationships for being so rude and disrespectful of everyone’s time. I’m cringing at the thought of what I’d do if I received a “ceremony only” invitation…

Post # 48
Member
268 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

View original reply
happiekrappie :  My thoughts exactly – if this couple doesn’t quickly realize how rude this is and do whatever they can to remedy it, it’s going to bite them in the ass for the rest of their lives.

They either need to proactively call everyone not invited to the reception and explain that there will be no reception and that they understand if you’re not able to make it to just the ceremony, or they need to have a reception they can invite everyone to, even if it’s punch and pie in the church rec room.  The former option will definitely ruffle feathers, but I think there would be less fall out from doing that than having everyone show up and leave them high and dry when it comes time for the assumed reception that they weren’t actually invited to.

OP, you might want to talk frankly with the groom and warn him about fallout from pulling the ceremony-only bullshit.  And explain why you won’t go – it’s not worth it to drive for all those hours to go to a ceremony and then have no opportunity to actually interact with the couple or any mutual friends.

 

Post # 49
Member
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Yikes! This places the guests in an awkward situation after the ceremony. All I can picture are uninvited guests showing up to the reception. They will assume it was a mistake on the invitation and the location will spread by word of mouth once the ceremony ends. Unless the people invited were told not to tell. In that case it forces them to lie if anyone asks them about plans afterwards. 

At least you know in advance so it’s more an annoyance. Imagine being all dressed up at the ceremony or walking into the reception only to find out you aren’t one of the chosen ones! People having flashbacks to being last picked for the sports team! 

Post # 50
Member
1396 posts
Bumble bee

Since when has the ceremony been the fun part of the wedding? Your friend is actually expecting you to drive there? It’s a no from me. Maybe if it was local, they were my best friends and this was explained to me before.

Post # 51
Member
213 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I know someone who had a wedding like this. Most were invited to the ceremony (which was centrally locates for everyone) followed by cake and punch. The reception was a few hours after at a venue a few hours drive away which was far too small to host everyone from the ceremony, hence the split invitations. Odd but guess it happens 🤷‍♀️

Post # 52
Member
1519 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

I don’t know if this is a church wedding or what, but where I grew up it was common to invite the whole church congregation and friends to the ceremony but then have a limited reception. It was understood that not everyone was invited to the reception.  I don’t know if it’s just a regional thing.

To be fair this was like 15-20 years ago so I agree etiquette has changed.

Post # 53
Member
1684 posts
Bumble bee

I could understand if they had cake and punch after the ceremony and then much later had a private dinner. But this is ridiculous. No way would i drive far for this. Maybe i would pop in if it was in town. And that’s a big maybe.

Post # 54
Member
2263 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m just appalled at the sheer *audacity* it must take for someone to invite you to a gift-giving event, 2 hours away, and blatantly tell you that you’re not important enough to get invited to their party afterwards. Like, who the fuck….?

Post # 55
Member
3588 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

They would get my decline and a nice card wishing them well. There’s no way I would drive that far for a 30 minute ceremony. 

Post # 56
Member
5002 posts
Bee Keeper

That would be a very easy decision to make. Hard pass. What’s wrong with these people? Is it just greed or are they totally clueless? 

 

Post # 57
Member
3454 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

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Keroppi :  the church I grew up in was the same.. basically, there was a standing invitation to all church members to any wedding by a fellow church member held there. But this sounds like an entirely different thing.. 

Post # 59
Member
3454 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

View original reply
trackwise :  my thoughts are it is still rude to expect people to take the time out of their lives and, in your case, drive several hours to go to the ceremony and then go home while a select few are treated to a reception. Of course he’s going to say they’re not expecting gifts when he’s called out on it… But even if they’re not, they’re still expecting a lot of effort out of people they don’t have any intention on welcoming properly 

Post # 60
Member
7045 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Here’s the thing–if it’s ceremony only you won’t even have a chance to have a conversation with your friend, the groom, to offer congratulations or catch up a bit–nothing. They could at least have cake and punch at the church following the ceremony.

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