(Closed) Only inviting SOs who live together or are engaged

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
7752 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think Fiance needs to do some investigating, which probably means he (or his mother or father) needs to talk to each of his aunts/uncles.

For a start, as for your “living together” rule, how is he going to know which cousins are living with a partner if he doesn’t ask?

Personally I think you should invite all long term partners, regardless of whether they share a house or wear a ring.

Post # 4
Member
259 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

[comment moderated for sockpuppeting]

Post # 5
Member
2555 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I agree, invite all long term partners and just don’t give a plus one to other people. Personally I think it’s pretty rude, becase who are we judge the seriousness of other people’s relationships?

Post # 6
Member
951 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I think it’s going to be a pain in the butt trying to exclude people in the long run. People are going to assume that they can bring SOs regardless (because I think traditionally they can?) and you will be playing referee. I had to exclude cousins/fringe friends for this very reason. Fortunately my family is not super close so it’s not going to make holidays miserable, but for you it might be different.

Post # 7
Member
4495 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@bebero:  +1.

I think it is kind of rude to only extend invites based on whether a couple lives together or if they have only been together for a couple months vs. a year. I understand if you’re trying to save on cost, but that isn’t the impression I got from your post. I would definitely notice if my Boyfriend or Best Friend or Fiance wasn’t invited, yet a lot of other people brought dates…

Post # 10
Member
3720 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@MrsBeck:  Here’s my view– from the time you make your guest list to your wedding people will cohabitate and get engaged. It sounds like a nice rule, but life will get in the way and mess it up. What we did was contact each single person we weren’t super close to and asked them if they had a significant other they wanted to bring, and if so, can they send us the name for the invite. Three out of the 10 said there was someone (1 was engaged and 1 was cohabitating, we wouldn’t have known that). The others said there wasn’t anyone. It helped us avoid the awkwardness when couples get engaged–at least 8 couples moved in or got engaged between the Save-The-Date Cards and invites.

Post # 11
Member
6349 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2014

Our cut-off is adult, long-term partners.

OH’s 17 year old cousin for example will not be getting a plus one for her boyfriend as a) we haven’t met him and b) they are teenagers.

Otherwise, we are inviting most people as a couple, including a couple who don’t live together and who aren’t engaged, but who will have been together 2.5 years by the time of the wedding.

We didn’t want to make engagement or cohabitation the cut-off as we ourselves are currently not cohabiting, and until 2 years ago, weren’t engaged, even though we’d been together 5.5 years. So perhaps I’m a bit sensitive about it, but the thought that my 5.5 year relationship was less serious than someone else’s 1 year relationship purely because they had a ring on their finger and I didn’t, doesn’t sit well with me personally.

That said, unless it was someone we both knew, neither of us would be offended, even now, to be invited to a wedding without the other. If my OH’s was invited to a colleague’s wedding who I’d never met for example, I would really not care if I wasn’t invited, and in fact would probably be quite grateful, as I’d rather he went solo and I didn’t feel like a ‘spare wheel’.

Post # 13
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee

I think people are obnoxious when it comes to invites. Can’t some people understand that people are on a budget and every extra person costs money? Why should someone get a +1 just because the bride or groom wants them to be there. Aren’t we all adults? Can’t go one day without your spouse? I am only inviting the people my boyfriend and I know and want to be there. Knowing someone who is invited will not grant you access to our wedding.

Post # 16
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee

@MrsBeck:  Even if they didn’t know a soul, that’s what being social is about, right? I have gone to weddings where I only knew the bride and I managed to mingle. I know there is a rule to invite married couples, but I’m not even following that. We are only inviting our friends and close families, that’s it. I don’t want random people in my wedding album. Not to mention we don’t wanna pay for them.

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