(Closed) Only inviting SOs who live together or are engaged

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 49
Member
1069 posts
Bumble bee

Personally I think that anyone who is in a serious relationship should get a plus one. I know my brother and his gf (now fiance) dated for 6 years before moving in together and they would have been crushed if one was invited to a wedding without the other.

I don’t agree with just letting a single person bring any random date to a wedding (unless you have the room and budget for it) but all serious partners should be invited.

Post # 50
Member
3173 posts
Sugar bee

@MrsBeck:  Let me add a bit now that I’m thinking about it:

A good friend of mine always rushes into relationships. Within 3 months, she and whatever SO she is with at the time have usually moved in together. Within 6 months, the relationship typically has exploded. To just invite couples who are living together/engaged, you are putting more value in her relationship from months 3-6 than my relationship with my now FH before we got engaged and lived together. We had been together for 4.5 years before living together and getting engaged. Yeah, that’s not cool. If I were a cousin’s SO who was left out, I would really consider not inviting you to my wedding because you didn’t invite me to yours. Yes, I am petty like that.

Post # 52
Member
206 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I think it is your wedding and you should do whatever you want.  I wouldn’t really want to invite a bunch of +1’s that I have never met before either.  When I get married, I don’t want to see a bunch of strange faces watching me.  If people think it is rude or are offended by it, then they don’t have to go.  I will only be inviting +1’s for people who are in long-term relationships/living together/engaged/married.  

My sister invited all of my cousins with a plus one.  Two of them RSVP’d that they would both be bringing a date, and then showed up solo.  Super annoying and a big waste of money.

Post # 53
Member
3173 posts
Sugar bee

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@MrsBeck:  I’m just telling you how I would react to it. Trust me, there are some of the cousin’s SOs who would think the same way I do. I am generally easy going and rational but if my friend was dating one of my FH’s cousins and she got invited because they were living together and had only been together for five months but I wasn’t because then BF (now FH) and I were not living together or engaged yet even though we had been dating 4.5 years, I would not be cool with that.

But hey, it’s your wedding. Do whatever you want.

Post # 54
Member
2701 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@MrsBeck:  I just don’t think people should be offended if their SO isn’t invited if the bride and groom have never met them.


I don’t think this is fair either.  I have a lot of friends that are spread out over the entire US.  As a result, I don’t always meet their SOs and they don’t meet mine.  I mean, I didn’t meet a good chunk of my H’s family until the wedding because everyone is so spread out.  I don’t think it’s fair to punish someone just becuase they live far away and you haven’t met their SO.

I understand that you don’t know the cousins, but you are inviting them and you need to treat them equal to the rest of your guests.  Remember, you are doing this for the benefit for your guest, not for you.

 

Post # 55
Member
532 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

View original reply
@MrsBeck:  We came up with it because we have several couple friends who  aren’t married, engaged or living together. However, they’ve been together 2+ years and whenever we hang out.. they are always together. The “girlfriend” has become the “friend” because we now sometimes hang out with her, without FH’s high school friend. 

We also wanted an intimate wedding where we knew the people attending. It’s our way of keeping it that way, even at 100+. 

Post # 57
Member
2701 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@MrsBeck:  I understand that this is a difficult situation.  Is there any reason why you can’t your Future Father-In-Law that you simply don’t have enough room for all of the cousins?  Maybe he’ll change his mind about having to invite them. 

Post # 58
Member
3173 posts
Sugar bee

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@MrsBeck:  It’s going to be hard. I don’t envy the decision you’ll have to make. Trust me, some people (like the friend I have used in my examples) believes that their relationship is stronger at 4 months than mine with my FH is at 4+ years only because we’re not a showy type of couple. She would be hurt if she wasn’t invited along with her SO at four months while I think my line is more like a year.

Post # 59
Member
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

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@RunsWithBears:  Yes. this: Plus, I’ve always found it hypocritical to invite people to come celebrate your love but disregard their love/treat it as unimportant.

I’m still amazed how many people think it is ok to invite 1 person of a social unit to save a few $.  No. It’s rude and selfish.  If you don’t want to spend the money don’t invite either and save yourself even more $.

 

Post # 60
Member
4494 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

View original reply
@MrsBeck:  I don’t blame you. We’re only having around 50 guests so space is very limited on our list. We aren’t inviting any distant relatives, people we don’t keep in touch with or relatives we’ve never met. If they don’t know us why would they even want to come to our wedding, ya know? 

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