(Closed) Only married 3 months and DH lost his sex drive?!

posted 6 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Member
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Well it seems like there may be something going on. I’m not sure what happend at his batchelor party and why slow dancingi with her would enable him to die a happy man…or how that is a joke?

Now for the porn…..That  is different for every couple. Some don’t mind the usage of porn privately or seperately and some consider it cheating. Did you have any idea of his personal habits previous to marriage?

Post # 5
Member
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

@vampywolfgirl: Okay, well thats good, so its not that big of an issue!

Is he going through any job changes? Extra stress? perhaps depression or a medical side effect causing problems with getting or maintaining an erection?

Also,have you talked with him extensively about it. Like if theres anything he wants to tell you or that you could do to ease his mind? Perhaps the whole txt/website blowout thing has him worried you don’t like him anymore?

Post # 6
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Every relationship waxes and wanes in the bedroom. You guys sound like you have good communication, why not sit down and talk about it a little more? Ask him how he’s worried about disappointing you? Having opposite shifts can’t be easy, so maybe you two can work on finding some alone time together to work on being intimate in general (not just sex), kissing more, etc. Maybe just having that blow out has put him off for a bit and he just needs to ease back into it slowly.

Post # 8
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

@vampywolfgirl:  Hold the phone. You guys were together and he was cheating on you and then broke up with you? And now you’re married? You are a stronger woman than I am. No kidding you’re insecure!!! And no kidding you have every right to be upset when you find a sex chat room on your computer. I’m going to take a gander since you guys got married that you worked things out, let bygones be bygones, but history like that doesn’t up and disappear overnight. It really sounds like with your past history you two need to sit down and talk seriously and honestly. If he’s hurt, that’s fine, but you, as the other half of this relationship, deserve to know what’s going on and how you two can work together to improve the situation.

Post # 9
Member
3776 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2004

Something is up for sure.  I don’t know what, but this sends up a red flag for this old married lady. 

Post # 11
Member
1723 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@bakerella: I second this.

You guys definetly need to talk things out.. Have you two had any counceling before marriage? no offense, but if he messed up once he should be extra careful with how he deals with people  ( especially woman ) If he doesnt wanna hurt you.. you are a very strong woman to trust him and to vow to be with him forever- I really do hope that were not blowing things out of porportion and that hes honest- ( about nothing happening ).

 

Good luck 🙂

Post # 12
Member
7609 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I have no way to tell you what’s going on with him, but the first thing that comes to mind is that he slept with this girl and now feels very guiltly about it.  Or maybe he doesn’t want to pass an STD to you or something and that’s why he’s avoiding sex?  I’m sorry if that sounds ridiculous and obviously you know the man and I certainly don’t!  I’m just saying what came to mind….I’m sorry you’re going through all this whether I’m way off or not.  🙁

Post # 13
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

@vampywolfgirl: You hit the nail on the head, I was going to ask if he could possibly be depressed? Or could he have “met” someone through WoW? I know people get really sucked into those games, but three days, no shower, no outside world? That’s kind of unhealthy. He sounds like he’s really withdrawing from “real life.”   You sound like you have a mature way of discussing issues and I hope you guys can tackle this head on and work through it. Please keep us updated with how things go. I wish the best for the both of you!

Post # 15
Member
79 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

“it’s a joke” is an excuse. Just the fact that he TOLD you about this woman (I know he was drunk at the time but all the same, she obvioulsy was on his mind) is disrespectful. And he’s got a past too?

I’m so sorry this is happening to you!

What’s toxic to the relationship is not facebook or WOW, but his behavior. And he may just be acting like he’s cooperating with you, I hate to say it. Now that you found out, he may just hide it better. PLEASE keep your eyes open and if you see ANYTHING that’s the littlest bit suspicious, that seems off, my best advice to you is this:

If something seems wrong to you, it’s because it is. If it wasn’t there, you wouldn’t be feeling something’s wrong.

Good luck sweetheart.

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