(Closed) Only married 3 weeks & feel like sex life needs spicing up, sad bride:(.

posted 8 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
1645 posts
Bumble bee

Were you having sex before marriage? If so, was it good then, or just the same?

Post # 5
108 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I have heard that if a guy masterbates a little while before sex than he can last longer when you have sexual intercourse.  Has he ever tried that? 

Have you tried to do more foreplay with no expectation of sexual intercourse and focus on how good that feels for you?  Maybe that will help you with building up the passion and excitement sexually again for him. 

Post # 6
1645 posts
Bumble bee

I can’t comment or offer advice on medical issues, but I would suggest maybe taking more time for foreplay. Sort of “get yours” before moving on to the actual sex, until that itself is solved. It doesn’t have to all be oral, just take your time with each other. If you think he has a medical issue definitely consult a doctor. 

Post # 8
44 posts
  • Wedding: March 2011

Masturbation is completely normal.  And if you do do it, doesnt mean you dont want each other.  Maybe you need to do something from your side to try and maybe tease him a little so that he can get turned on and then leave him and see if it drives him mad?  What i mean is like do something sexy for him and leave him hanging a little and he may just surprise you?  Maybe you need to try something different to spice it up a little. i have also heard of that pinching thing although i dont know if it works, never had to try it.

Unless he really does have a slight problem and that is why he is avoiding you because he is embarrassed.  I dont know – just a thought.  But that is what i gather from what you mentioned. 


Post # 9
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

Hi OP, I would suggest going to a men’s sexual health forum, if WB isn’t offering you the type of advice you were looking for.  Good luck!

Post # 10
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I would suggest he go to the doctor, it could be something relatively simple.

Post # 11
3011 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@nuleewed:I sent you a message with my thoughts on it.

Post # 12
2103 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

It sounds like he’s coping with his insecurity or embarassment of not pleasing you with other things — for example food. I think posting this on a health or men’s health board would get you some more answers, but talking to a doctor would be beneficial. There may be other methods to help him last longer than Viagara that a doctor can discuss.

I hope things get better.

Post # 13
923 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

One thing to keep in mind – Viagra is for men who can’t get erections, not who have problems with premature ejaculation.

I love Dr. Drew so I listen to loveline all the time – this is his general suggestion for couples with this problem:

Generally, men find that if they masturbate to completion/ejaculation before having sex, they tend to last longer the second time around.  Also – does your Darling Husband remain really sensitive after he ejaculates, or is he able to go for a second round pretty quickly after?  That could help too, maybe just to try and keep going.

I can respect your desire not to masturbate, but have you ever considered doing it together or doing it to each other?  Maybe you could do that first and then have intercourse afterwards.

Post # 14
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’m no expert but I thought the OP said her husband does have a problem, not just with premature ejaculation, but also with an erection.  So viagra or something might help, no? And I think there may be an underlying psychological issue with this, truly I do.  That may be why abstaining throughout the engagement really suited him.  And I agree with the other PPs who said that eating is substituting for sex, or that he’s eating and making himself bloated and full and tired so he doesn’t have sex.  Not sure which came first – chicken or egg here – but poor sexual performance (so embarassing for a guy) has made your husband kind of phobic about sex/intercourse.  And as you obviously seem to know, this is a very important part of your marriage; it’s not everything, but it’s pretty significant and you recognize that the two of you are having a big problem that is likely to infect everything else between you.  He, or you both, should see a counselor for starters. I strongly believe he should see a psychotherapist or psychiatrist and not only a medical doctor (for his high blood pressure, weight and so forth) because he has an issue that likely has strong underlying psychological factors.  Again, I’m no expert but so sounds like a boyfriend I dated for a while… and seeing a psychiatrist has really helped him in this department and in life in general.

Post # 15
10366 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Viagra won’t keep him from coming prematurely, it’ll just make things a little painful if he comes, is still hard, and that lasts for a while. May be worth trying if his doctor OKs it with his blood pressure problems, but don’t be surprised if it does not work like you want.

I think you should reevaluate why you aren’t open to any sort of toy, especially if it is your husband using it with you. It’s still “him”, but it is more pleasurable for him.

Also, how often are you having sex? If it isn’t often, that could also be the issue. Men tend to come a lot faster if the sex/orgasm isn’t happening regularly. A lot of guys help this by masterbating, as others have told you. He could still masterbate while thinking of you – I wouldn’t be surprised if he does, but feels like he can’t talk to you about it. I think it’s something you should encourage him to do if he really doesn’t. it could really help you guys.

Post # 16
131 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Maybe you both should go to a sex therapist. Also, I totally agree with the other person who suggested him going to the doctor as well.

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