(Closed) Only not inviting one couple's children?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
317 posts
Helper bee

I think because you didn’t say you’re having a “no kids” wedding, you’ll be okay with just telling her that she and her husband were the only ones invited.  They should realize that you’re only friends with them, not really their children, and that even though friends are great it’s more important that family can be there.  I don’t think you’re being mean at all 🙂

Post # 4
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee

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dances123:  Honeslty, no matter your “reason” for not allowing her children to come, she will likely be irritated and annoyed. Obviously, she is going to figure out that other people are bringing their children. I would probably be irritated too if I were her. I am not saying that means you have to let her bring her kids, but just recognize this will likely occur. Just be prepared that it could or could not be a big deal to that couple. You don’t have to do anything about it though.

Post # 5
Member
2430 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

You can’t control her feelings, and her feelings don’t change the facts.  If she gets upset, she gets upset.  You still don’t want the kids there, so she will just have to deal with that, it’s your wedding!

Post # 6
Member
2569 posts
Sugar bee

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dances123:  did you say this was an adults only wedding? If not then i don’t see why she Should be mad. You are limited on space and only invited her and the SO And thats why they only got the invite. If child care is an issue she can decline and just not go. You obviously invited the other kids for a reason and didn’t invite her kids for a reason. Everyone’s invite situation is going to be different and in your case you are limited on space. That Would just be my answer. She is just a coworker who was invited. When it comes to family that is another ball game.

Post # 7
Member
609 posts
Busy bee

 

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Mrs.Sugabee2003:  I don’t understand why you’d be irritated to find out that a coworker invited his own nieces/nephews to his wedding, but not your children.

Post # 8
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
Sephiroth:  I don’t understand why you care how I would feel. I don’t have kids, but if I was having childcare issues, was informed my children couldn’t come and then found out other children were there, I would be irritated. I wouldn’t say anything to the bride or groom, but I would have a right to be annoyed.

Like I said, the OP is not obligated to change her mind about the decision, but that doesn’t mean the couple won’t be annoyed. 

Post # 9
Member
171 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

 

dances123:  I did the same thing for my friend. I told her that only our close family/immediate family will be bringing their kids and that no friends/family friends will be bringing their young children to the wedding. Almost all of our family members/family friends have older children so it shouldn’t be a problem. The only exception are our ring bearer and flower girl so my friend understood. I also told her that I wanted her and her husband to have a good time without the kids because we’re having an open bar and etc. She was all for it!

Post # 10
Member
1821 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I would just let her bring her kids and avoid the drama. 

Post # 11
Member
3102 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

What you’re doing is perfectly reasonable. As you say, the children you have invited are ones you know and are close to. No.need to include children you don’t know. 

Post # 12
Member
14 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2016

I honestly wouldn’t worry about it. Just because 100% of your people said they will come doesn’t mean they actually will- people don’t show up sometimes. Worrying about two people maybe bringing their children, and maybe being mad, isn’t worth precious energy. You’ve said your peace and if they show up with their kids at the reception, your day of person can tell them to leave if it really matters? That’s just what I would do!

Post # 14
Member
591 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

First of all, she needs to learn how to RSVP, not to mention that she should not assume that her kids are invited. But honestly if there is any way to include them then you might consider it, if there are other kids there and if you are really concerned that she may not understand why her kids cannot come if other kids can. But you are not obligated to, of course, that is your call. A tough one 

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