Post # 1
I come from a family with lots of…er.. black sheep to put it nicely. That being said I have always had a very soft spot for my grandfather on my mom’s side. He moved away when I was very young, but I have always looked up to him and what he does.
When I was 13 or so, my grandmother passed away. He was heartbroken, of course, but found a wonderful woman a few years later. She has helped him through EVERYTHING you can imagine from cancer, to mysterious illness and more. Anyways, today I got the STRANGEST email I’ve ever seen, basically written like my grandfather was drunk, and essentially in the nicest way ever insulting this woman because they broke up and she is in a new relationship.
What threw me the most was that this man NEVER bad mouths anyone, has the best etiquitte you can imagine and has never sent an email or correspondence with a single spelling or grammar mistake. Him acting like a14 year old threw me off and was slightly devestating.
I called my mom to see what was up and apparently he has been doing this for about two weeks, but mostly to my mom and uncle. I guess this time he hit “all” in his address book instead of just my mom and uncle.
My question is this.. how do I handle the only great man in my life (besides father and Fiance of course) going senile? I wanted to invite him to the wedding (knowing that he cannot travel) but would that just be rubbing salt in the wound? Apparently they have been broken up for over a month and this insulting email thing is becoming more and more common.
Help? Advice? Should I mention I recievied the email? Should I ignore it? What about STD’s and invites? Worth thinking about at this point? GAH! I just feel lost…
Post # 4
Is it possible that he’s been drinking or that he really is becoming senile or going through dementia? My grandmother has signs of dementia and it’s been really rough on my mom to deal with.
I think since you still have a while to go until your wedding you don’t need to decide what you’re going to do. What does your mom think about inviting him and what is going on with him?
Post # 5
@Ms. Martian: That’s part of the problem– my mom is scared of death. Terrified really. When my grandmother died we were only told she had brain cancer (and had cancer) 24 hours before she passed away. We never even had a chance to say goodbye. My sister and I have tried to make her promise to tell us if a relative is sick, but she refuses and my dad supports her. The only reason I know he is sick is because my mom has been flying out to visit him a lot and, on the phone today, she said “It sounds like he is off his meds. He is a bit senile with old age”. But then again, no idea what the meds are for or anything.
I was assuming he was drinking because he always has a cup with whisky before bed, so it would be easy to pour a bit more. Beyond that, the spelling was strange with letters reversed or last letters missing. The form of the letter was just strange to say the least, and he signed off with just his first name, no “thank you” or “enjoy your day”. It was just… not him.
As of right now, my mom won’t talk about what to do. In fact, this is how I found out they had broken up a month ago, but whenever I mentioned him and his gf on the guest list, not once did she say they weren’t together.
I guess I am just figuring out how to deal with relatives getting older? Or changing?
Post # 6
I’m sorry, that must be so hard to not be kept in the loop about someone you care about.
I think you may need to talk to your mom about all of this because she’s clearly keeping the information from you. That’s not really fair to you.
It is hard when people age. My grandmother is not exactly a different person but much more mean and awful towards my mom now that she’s got dementia.