Post # 17
@elysion: The same happened with my friends all of what you said, they went to counseling and he sucked it up big time.
i think I wouldn’t be able to because I may forgive but I don’t think I could ever forget. I think that it takes an enormous amount of healing for borth parties and to work out the issues that led to the cheating in the first place. I just don’t think I could be able to do that, though you don’t know until you live it. Family is important as well, if you have kids together it makes it that much harder to leave and that much harder to forgive as well.
Post # 18
@novacaineandlaughter: +1. I have seen this happen too and IMO it’s more common than strong couples surviving infidelity.
Post # 19
If my SO ever cheated I wouldn’t ever forgive him, I couldn’t be in a realationship with someone that I no longer trusted and would always wonder if he was cheating again.
Post # 20
In my personal opinion, staying in a relationship with your spouse once infidelity has taken place, has nothing to do with strength or weakness. I think any relationship will be permanently altered for the worse. Cheating is a conscience decision, even one night stands. If you make one nights stands the exception, then that person is only proving that they lack self control, which is unacceptable and would only make it hard for me to trust that person.
Post # 21
It’s not about strong or weak couples, one marriage isn’t better prepared for anything than another….we’re all tested at points in our lives, and it is never in the form or fashion we would prefer. Devastation aside, it is a mistake to make your mind up about something before it’s happened to you…people’s definition’s regarding infidelity vary, and everyone is vulnerable to temptation…I don’t think that makes it ok, but it’s how a couple reacts after the fact that sets them apart from the statistics. It’s not only possible to get past it, but thrive as a couple for surviving it.
Post # 22
i think it depends on the situation.
if i fiance ever cheated on me i don’t think i could look at him in the eyes again. so i don’t know how marraige would work after that…
Post # 23
According to John Gottman in “The Seven Principle for Making Marriage Work” (great book), cheating isn’t the main cause of divorce, weak/suffering relationships are the cause of cheating. This gave me a lot relief, since it made me feel that by focusing on keeping my relationship strong I can combat the chance of him cheating (or of me doing it, god forbid).
Before I aways felt like it might just happen any time and blindside you, just because people are lustful and weak, but I guess that’s rarely the real reason people cheat.
Post # 24
I think I could forgive cheating. I think I would at least try to. Like other posters have said, it depends on the circumstance – I feel like there’s a continuum from a one time drunken makeout session to a long term, unprotected sex-having emotions-involved sort of affair. Something towards the beginning of the spectrum would probably be easier for me to get over than something towards the end. But honestly, I have no idea. I’ve never been cheated on so I really can’t imagine how I would actually feel. I like to think that I would have the capacity to forgive almost anything in the face of true remorse, but who really knows what they would do until they were in that situation?
On the other hand, Fiance has told me in no uncertain terms that if I cheat, it’s over. No apologies, no counseling, no questions. He’s packing his bags and leaving. He was cheated on in a prior relationship and already knows how something like that would affect him. I totally understand that, too.
Post # 25
I think that if the cheater really shows remorse and the couple gets Individual counseling and marriage counseling it MIGHT recover. Some people have stronger marriages after something like this , however the majority I know do not. I’m not sure what I would do, I know that I would try the counseling.
Post # 26
I don’t believe that if you are a strong couple, there will be cheating. Like a PP said, you might be strong for getting through it, but if someone’s cheating, the relationship has been in trouble for a while.
There are some things I could get over, but this would not be one of them. Any new female aquaintance, late night, unknown phone call – I would wonder again. I’m sure that he would feel the same way about it.
Post # 27
In all honesty, there is no one blanket answer. “Cheating” is a huge wide world of complications. Whether a couple can survive depends on so many factors.
Post # 28
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
I know I couldn’t because I simply won’t deal with it and FH is aware that it is an absolute dealbreaker. My dad cheated on my mom and I had to deal with the fallout from that along with feeling like he cheated on me because instead of spending time with me he was out sleeping with other women who obviously were more important than his child. My mom stayed the first time she found out and GD if he didn’t just do it again. Nope. I would never forgive, I would always be suspicious.
Post # 29
@Cecilia37: That’s a very good point. I’ve seen couples split because of cheating was the ultimate betrayal but that doesn’t mean they were a good couple before cheating and like others have said, cheating is less likely happen if borth parties are commited to making their relationship work.
Post # 30
I could not get over that and neither could my Darling Husband. We discussed it seriously before we got married that we could get through anything but that. We both agreed that if one of us is at the point of going somewhere else for support, our relationship is over.
Post # 31
@KatyElle: “It’s circumstantial. I’d be more likely to forgive a moment of weakness one night stand situation that he immediately admitted to, than say an ongoing sexual and emotional affair.”
I agree. Cheating isn’t a black and white offense for me. A one-time drunken make-out is way different than a multi-month long sexual and emotional side relationship.
That said, I don’t think strong couples find themselves dealing with cheating. IMO, if someone is cheating, there is something already wrong with the relationship. But that doesn’t mean it can’t be fixed.