(Closed) ONLY the bride wears white.

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 47
Member
2319 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

My Mother-In-Law supposedly only has one good dress (according to her) that is occassion material. And it is white. She doesn’t want to wear that to my wedding though she wanted to wear a dress and thought about wearing her ‘one good dress’. I did not say a single word when she was telling me this. I wasn’t pised either. I mean, there was NO time for emotions. My Mother-In-Law talks FASTTTTT. Lol!

So moral of the story: I am guessing a lot of people just assume it is taboo to do it and won’t.

Post # 48
Member
1002 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I really don’t care, and I may not even end up wearing white. I view it as a non-issue. It is a free country and people have the choice to wear what they want. 

Post # 49
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think it’s rude to show up to a wedding in white or ivory unless it is specified by the bride and groom on the invitations. (I saw one uber-casual wedding on the beach where the bride requested every guest wear white).

My mom who has been annoying through this whole process (you can read my other posts where she puts me down & has called me fat) announced she found a dress she wanted to wear in IVORY.  My dress is Ivory.  I was so sick of her being mean to me I flat out told her that I was wearing Ivory and she needed to find another dress color.

I mean seriously there are a million colors to choose from.  I think it’s a faux pas to wear whites or skanky clothing to a wedding (which is another thing I have seen numerous times at weddings)

Post # 50
Member
3135 posts
Sugar bee

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@pinkandsparkly:

Was she having a Gaga moment?  Geesh. Talk about bad form.

Post # 51
Member
1692 posts
Bumble bee

When I was a girl, it wasn’t that uncommon for guests to wear white. It was the default colour for summer dresses and Sunday-best for little girls, and even for unsophisticated teenagers. The older etiquette mavens of the time in fact recommended whites, pastels and light colours for weddings as part of maintaining the “light, celebratory” mood of a wedding. Brides back then got offended by people’s wearing red or black.

Nowadays, of course, you not only have to avoid red and black in case the bride is old-fashioned; and white lest you steal her thunder; and ivory, champagne, pale beige or pale pastels because they’re too close to white; and prints with a white background because there’s too much white; but also the wedding colours so you don’t look like you’re aping the bridesmaids. At which point, one is tempted to attend only nudist weddings so as not to need the worry.

Post # 52
Member
5653 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

Personally, I would never wear anything white or mostly white or something that could be mistaken as white to a wedding. I expect the women attending my wedding to give me the same courtesy. There are thousands of other colors people can wear. That said, if someone were to show up in a white dress I certainly wouldn’t let it ruin my day.

I know that some people don’t know this rule, so I put “… and remember not to wear white, ladies!” under the dress code section in my wedding website’s FAQ. 

Post # 53
Member
1166 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

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@SnowPeony: I can see how white + pale color would come across as virtually white; I would avoid that for sure. I was picturing more white + darker/brighter color, in which case I wouldn’t think twice??

This entire thread just goes to show that this “rule” can be interpreted a zillion different ways. And even if the bride doesn’t care, other guests are likely to notice and be horrified, possibly creating an uncomfortable situation for someone who doesn’t know better. Good ammo for the OP, should she choose to use it.

This actually happened to me. A friend told me, in passing, that another friend was going to borrow her white sundress. I looked at her funny and it took her a second to realize what she had just said. I wasn’t offended, really, but I was concerned about what others would think of her. When she told the other friend she couldn’t wear the dress, the other friend seemed totally clueless.

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@pinkandsparkly: O.M.F.G. I am surprised she wasn’t lynched on the spot!!!!

 

Post # 54
Member
920 posts
Busy bee

I’d be totally bummed if someone wore white to the wedding other then me. I thought this was a rule everyone knows… but I guess some people just chose to ignore it.

Post # 55
Member
2103 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

OMG, the worst part about my embarrassing faux pas is there’s a picture of me, looking like a linebacker, going gung-ho after the bouquet.  It LOOKS like I’m desparate to be a bride, when in fact, I’m just a competitive person, and the rules of the game called for me to catch that bouquet!  LOL.  Poor, lil’ Miss Robot.  His family teased me about that pictre for years. 

Post # 56
Member
785 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

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@aspasia475:  LOL.  That is hilarious.  Although I’ve never heard of not wearing red, thanks for the tip haha!

I don’t really care at all.  If somebody has some white on their dress, who cares?  If somebody shows up in an all-white or ivory gown, well, they are going to look stupid, aren’t they?  Because everyone else will know that they shouldn’t have worn white!

Post # 57
Member
6889 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

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@pinkandsparkly: Uh, for real? See that is what I’m talking about. White sundress with a colored cardigan? Eh whatever, it’s cool. Kind of dumb (because knowing my friends, they’d say something) but WEARING HER WEDDING DRESS? Who would ever think that was okay? Jeez, people.

Post # 58
Member
2392 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

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@aspasia475:  Before my friends started getting married, I thought that you were supposed to avoid black instead of white. 

I think not wearing white as a guest is one of those things that seems obvious once you’re in the thick of wedding planning, but isn’t really common knowledge before you hit your mid/late twenties and start participating in a ton of weddings.  I wouldn’t do it now that I know, but I wouldn’t really judge anyone else for it unless they were wearing an actual wedding dress or something obviously super flashy. 

I’m kind of hoping that no one wears a white dress, since I’m wearing a shorter more casual wedding dress, but I agree with PP who mentioned that people should know she’s the bride.  It’s more important to me that everyone attending our  wedding is someone I know than that everyone dresses properly.

Post # 60
Member
156 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I don’t think anyone wore white to my wedding, but has anyone seen the trend of having all of the bridesmaids wear white too? Not a fan!!!!

Post # 61
Member
2788 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

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@Ugoob: I wouldn’t really like that dress in general…not because it is white. It just isn’t my taste at all.

I thought I would care if people wore white to my wedding, but the day of I didn’t care at all.  My grandmom wore an ivory/cream blouse and skirt, and when I first saw her, it registered that it was a light color, but I didn’t care at all; she looked elegant! (She’s also 89, so no one ‘mistook’ her for the bride)  After I looked at some pictures, I realized that some dates of our guests wore dresses with a lot/mostly white in them, but I did not even notice that on the day of!  It bothered me more that some of these dates were discussing on facebook that they were going to wear low cut/slutty dresses to the wedding…(but between you and me, I think some of them had major crushes on my husband!)

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