- Silver Plum Fairy
- 6 years ago
- Wedding: December 2012
I feel like I’ve been kicked in the stomach.
I found out two days ago that my mom has declined dramatically in the past weeks. Her tumour has grown and she will be going to a hospice as soon as a bed is available.
I was told initially that she had 2-3 months. My uncle sent an email to my brother and me about getting her affairs in order. I called her right away. I guess there was social workers and nurses there so she couldn’t talk long…she’s also on a lot of morphine. I could only say that I was so sorry that this was happening to her before I broke down.
I got a call later that evening from my cousin, she’s a nurse. She’s friends with my mom’s case manager and the case manager as been keeping her up to date on what my mom’s files say. The doctor wrote that she has weeks to months, definitely less than 3 months, and most likely only weeks.
The doctors have not told my mom…she suffers from depression and I guess they don’t want to destroy her like that right now.
My cousin told me that if there is anything I need to say to my mom, now is the time.
I am heading home next Friday on a flight I booked a month ago to go celebrate my Grandma’s 90th birthday…I’ve talked to work and I will be extending my visit from 2 days to an unknown number of days… My boss said that my job will be waiting for me and to let him know if I need an advance…
The grief keeps coming in waves…I am just trying to hold it together…I have my family bridal shower tomorrow…sometimes I don’t feel like celebrating at all…
I was trying to wrap my head around my mom not being able to attend my wedding and being on the other side of the country, but I thought at least I could call her on my wedding day…now she may not even be here…
When I found out last July she had cancer, I had so much hope. My mom is stubborn and I thought she would beat it…I wrote her a poem that I was going to recite during the reception…now I guess I will read it to her next friday…
Can anyone explain someone like you?
Well, you like to complain, you know you do.
But more times than not, it’s about us
And unfortunately, we deserve a ride on that bus.
Then there’s the fact that we both moved away.
Leaving you alone and lonely, I dare say.
But children grow up, and now I see
Just how lucky I’ve been to have you by me.
You’ve always been there, you’ve always been proud.
Never making me feel, I could get lost in a crowd.
You’re strong willed and stubborn my foundation of rock
You’ve been my shelter, always ready for any talk.
You’re goofy, funny, silly, and free
You’re your own true person, and that’s fine with me.
You’re different and wonderful, what can I say
Most of all I just feel blessed to have you with me today.
So Mom, thank you so much for being all that you are
And thanks again for all you’ve done to help me make it this far.
Sorry it’s so long…I just feel I need to get this off my chest…thanks for reading