(Closed) Oop, am I supposed to invite him?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
572 posts
Busy bee

i think that you should at least offer it up, if they choose not to go at least you wont have any guilt.

Post # 4
Member
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I didn’t invite my officiant. I don’t really know him and most weddings that I have gone to, the officiant was not invited.

Post # 5
Member
2703 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

my old youth group pastor is our officiant. we are flying him in (he’s in cali now), paying for his weekend stay at the hotel, and also inviting him to the wedding; so we’re in a different situation.

i’m not sure what “etiquette” says, but if you are paying him for his services, i don’t see why you HAVE to invite him… you don’t invite your florist or cake lady or any of your other vendors (besides feeding the photogs) to your reception.

but that might just be my uneducated guess on wedding etiquette!

Post # 6
Member
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

I think its a nice gesture,but why would you include his wife? Will she be there? Since you have no personal relationship with him, I wouldn’t think you have to invite him. We used one my daughter and SIL had met with just once and he came for the rehearsal(at an additional charge), but he said he usually does 2 weddings a day and would be really overweight if he ate at every wedding he officiated! He thanked us but did not stay.

Post # 7
Hostess
16194 posts
Honey Beekeeper

It’s generally polite to invite the officiant and his/her spouse. Often, they turn down the invite, but appreciate the thought.

Post # 8
Member
138 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think he would appreciate it, if you don’t think he will like to come make sure to at least gift him something!

Post # 9
Member
222 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I had to research this etiquette!  What I read is that if the officiant is a good family friend or had to travel far, he/she and his/her spouse *should* be invited to the wedding, but officiants that you don’t know well and aren’t a regular part of your life don’t need an invite.  So, we are definitely inviting our Rabbi as he is my FI’s family Rabbi, but I don’t think you need to invite your officiant considering your circumstances of not being close to him!

Post # 10
Member
3176 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

This may be bad advice but if you don’t really “know” him do you care if you hurt his feelings? I don’t think he should expect to be invited but if your having a giant wedding and you can afford it I don’t think it would hurt to offer…

Post # 11
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’m with Barker86 on this – you don’t HAVE to invite him, but it’d be nice to at least give him some sort of ‘thank you gift’ (yes, I know, you are probably paying him too). Our officiant is my grandfather, so I’m not much help there (he’d be coming regardless of his status as our officiant soooo…). It’s a nice gesture, and technically etiquette says you should invite the officiant and his/her spouse to the reception, but I think you can definitely get away with giving a small token of appreciation if you don’t really know him/her. In fact, it might be weird if he was invited with his spouse and didn’t really know anybody 🙂

Bella

P.S. I think some etiquette stuff is outdated and really doesn’t matter anymore – ok, so I think invitations should still come in paper (not online unless it’s SUPER informal), but stuff like this is different…

Post # 12
Member
637 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Maybe I am alone on this, but I would say absolutely not! 

Since he is just some random person, I can’t imagine why he would be invited.  I can understand in the past when the person marrying you was traditionally your family pastor, and in present instances when that is actually the case.  I can’t imagine why some random vendor who you have no relationship with should legitimately be invited to be a part of your wedding.  Now, granted, I feel the same way about having some random person marry my Fiance and I, which is why my mom got ordained to do the ceremony.  Nonetheless, I can’t imagine why he would feel slighted to not be invited, or how your evening would be made better by including him in the remainder of the ceremony. So, since those are the only reasons I can think of to invite someone, I don’t see why you would add him to the list. 

If I were you I totally would not invite him, and not think twice about it.   

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