(Closed) oops! caught in the act!

posted 10 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 93
Member
878 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Vicars Wife this post is for you and you alone.  I think that it is great that you are your Fiance are into each other physically.  I think its funny that the little old lady caught you, I can see her face in my mind now.  I think that in the case of the gossip going around the church, just ignore it and it will die down, it always does.

As for those using terms like disgusting and disrespectful. you are the ones that need to grow up.  These were 2 consenting adults who are very much in love.    And as for the ones saying that she will go meet the devil.  I am sure that “hell” will be plenty full of murders, rapists and such.  I doubt the devil will have room for people that enjoy having (oh my gosh do I say it…) sex……………shoch horror

Grow up all of you.  Leave this poor woman alone.  She came here to chat and look for a sounding board, not a mob bashing.

And Vicars Wife, variety is the spice of life.  Adventure gets the adrenaline pumping.  Go out and have fun, maybe just choose your timing a bit better 😉 When it comes down to it, years from now you and your Fiance will  have a very loving, fun and outgoing relationshp full of memories to talk about of the times when you were young.  You will remember tghe church “incident” and laugh, but I doubt anyone else will.  And all these prudes, will still be prudes.

Let the bashing of me commence.  Because how dare I stick up for someone and not go with the sense of mob jsutice around here!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Post # 94
Member
300 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I get that I’m joining this conversation a little late in the game but I wanted to add my two cents.

First, I’m a teacher…if I had sex (married or otherwise) in the school gym at 8:00 on a Monday morning then I fully expect and deserve to be fired. It’s a dumb decision and I don’t see how anyone with a lick of common sense could possibly think otherwise.

Secondly, I see a lot of people talking about how Christians aren’t supposed to judge. Actually…we are. The bible calls us to intolerant of things like this. The bible gives us strict guidelines for when it is and is not appropriate to judge (not okay to judge regarding outward appearance, what someone eats, etc). It also says that we need to be make sure we are judging based on God’s standards and not our owns. The bible also reminds us to be merciful in our judgement just as God has shown us mercy. I’m not trying to preach to anyone here…merely point out what I see to be a discrepancy in what some people are saying. Anyone who points to the verse in the bible that says “Judge not, lest ye be judged” is blantaly taking the bible out of context which is one of my biggest pet peeves.

All that being said, I don’t think VWIT is a terrible person. I think she made a terrible decision and I do hold her accountable for her decisions. It is clear (to me) that she doesn’t have remorse for her actions because a truly remorsful person wouldn’t try to justify their actions. I can only hope that she will learn her lesson and have more respect for God, the church, other people, etc.

Post # 95
Member
39 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2010

“but in the hospital – so many couples slipped off to the on call room in their breaks on long shifts”

 

what the heck??? I’m a nurse too and cant imagine doing anything but actually getting a chance to sit down on my break. and never heard of that happening at my hospital….and the very few couples I do know at the hospital will hardly even tell anyone they are together for fear of it being “a conflict of interest!”

Post # 97
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Wow. I am shocked – and not at VWIT!

VWIT: It seems to me that the reason you initially didn’t see the wrongness in having sex in church is because as an atheist you didn’t think it was horribly offensive or rude to do something like making love there. I understand. I wouldn’t do the same myself, but I understand. This does NOT make you disgusting, immature and what not. It just makes you someone with a different (but in my opinion NOT hell-bound) set of values.

The real issues here was how this event will affect your and FI’s lives and also, how you are trying to learn to adjust your life to being a vicar’s wife. I’m so glad you are actually getting the help you asked for from the few people who have been good enough to offer it instead of wasting text on the decidedly unchristian judgmental-ness (yeah I made that word up – haha whatever!). Honestly what do ppl think? That by bashing this girl, they will somehow instill their morals in her? Ridiculous!

Also, as someone who grew up in a British culture but now lives in the US, I agree with Cricket1524. Europeans have a very different and more open attitude towards sexuality than Americans. I’m not saying one is better than the other. But what this does mean is that perhaps what VWIT and her Fiance did together may not be as banish-worthy and soul-corrupting in the UK than some in the US may feel. And that is important to consider when trying to understand the poster and hopefully, ultimately, in helping her.

Good luck VWIT with the congregation, your new life in the church and your wonderful future marriage!

Post # 98
Member
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@vicarswifeintraining: I just wanted to let you know that I commend you for handling all the passionate opinions with a lot of poise and grace! 

Post # 100
Member
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

yes, i’m being serious.  sorry, i didn’t realize it could have been taken as sarcasm!  reading it again though i can understand why you thought that.   you are handling the comments with a lot of diplomacy.  i hope i didn’t offend you, i’m being very serious! 

Post # 101
Member
937 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I see what people are saying as far as the differences between the US vs. the UK and other countries attitudes towards sex. HOWEVER, this isn’t just about ‘sex.’ She can have premarital sex until the cows come home for all I care. This isn’t even about religion, either. It’s about respect. Regardless of what your religious affiliation is- or what country you’re from- I think most people will agree that churches, temples, synagogues, mosques, etc., – are all places of WORSHIP and should be treated as such. I don’t worship in a synagogue, but I would never disrespect the sanctity of it and have sex there.

I think if you go back and actually READ her initial post, as well as her posts that followed, it is clear that she was sorry that she got CAUGHT. That’s a lot different than being sorry for her actions. It begs the question- had they not gotten caught, would she keep having sex in the church? A lot of the comments she made here imply that they simply had no control over what happened. Like they had no choice but to have sex right then and there. Come on. Most adults who are madly in love and have very active sex lives can still maintain a sense of self-control and respect in a place of worship. Yes, sex is natural, but as one of the other bees pointed out- so is pooping- and you wouldn’t do THAT in church.

Do I think she’s going to burn in “hell” as she’s indicated people have said to her? No, of course not. But if you’re still on here justifying the actions you’re supposedly “sorry” for, and thanking all of those who “support” you, then don’t be surprised that people are upset. At least be honest enough to say “I chose to have sex in church. I thought it was great and I came on WB because I thought the bees would think it was funny and now I’m upset that people are criticizing my actions because they don’t find them amusing. But I’m not sorry, and I’d do it again if I hadn’t gotten caught.” I would respect you more if you said something like that instead of pretending to be contrite when your statements are anything but.

Post # 102
Member
875 posts
Busy bee

Dear Vicar’s Wife,

My cousin in law is a vicar’s daughter, and I don’t think that the English church is that liberal that your behavior would be seen as appropriate.   It’s my understanding that a vicar is an British term for minister or pastor, so if it is also the term for a non-Christian religious leader, then I’m not writing this in regards to another religion…   As a Christian, there are clear lines for intimate behavior.  I’m not saying that Christians do not have premarital relations, but those who do know that it is not to be considered lightly.  If your fiance feels the call to ministry, then he needs to be in communication with a moral leader.  The church is the physical House of God in your community.  It is not your home or your passion pit.  If as the Vicar’s wife, you move into what we would call the parsonage or what you might term as the Vicarage which is attached to the church.  Then you need to realize that your home is the place for marital relations and intimacy.  To think that your church’s home is the place for such matters before or after marriage is a not appropriate or acceptable… in fact it is very disrespectful to the LORD, and to the church community you husband is to be serving and teaching.  Your behavior isn’t a laughing matter.  The Bible is very clear on God’s designs for marriage and betrothal.  I think you seriously need to be in prayer about your relationship with the Lord, and your responsibility as a leader within the church.  I think your relationship with God is far more important, than just this one activity, but this action and thread is revealing that you need some guidance in your faith.  I know that others have written and sounded harsh in their comments… that’s not my purpose… I just want to guide you to the fact that you need to know that it is not our opinions that matter or yours but rather the Lord’s…  May God bless you and give you wisdom in this matter!

Post # 103
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

VWIT, I’m about to say things which I am assuming about you and what you think. If I’m wrong, I’m very sorry and please feel free to correct me.

Monkeygirl: I think you may have it a bit wrong. She wasn’t initially sorry that she had sex in a church, and she’s not pretending to be sorry about it now. What she IS sorry about is that it may have a negative impact on her Fiance, his congregation and she has (imo too many times) said sorry to the bees for how it has upset them. She also, to the best of my knowledge, has not tried to justify why is was *ok* for her to have sex there. She simply told us why it happened.

Not that this is the same thing at all, but I have seen brides wearing gowns that are see-through, or ones with plunging necklines with boobs spilling out, or backless to the point where it stops just short of the crack. They are already dressed to the point where many may label as vulgar. Yet, this is somehow considered appropriate in a church all the same! All I mean by this point is that MOST people aren’t behaving how they should in places that others have great respect for, and where everyone draws the line seems pretty arbitrary to me.

Post # 105
Member
2054 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

@vicars-way to handle this post with MATURITY. which is NOT what some other bees are doing. I commend you for trying to get ADVICE AND HELP from us…although it hasnt gone that way…I thought it was funny…and I think the best thing to do is lay low and not do it again…and if the situation gets worse somehow apoligize for your actions…but thats it.

To the other hurtful and judgemental bees…this is a perfect example of a post gone “snarky” and incredibly mean and uncalled for. Like some have said…grow up and stop judging. Just remember others have different beliefs then you do.

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