(Closed) oops! caught in the act!

posted 10 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 107
Member
937 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

We will have to agree to disagree. I’m okay with that. I never called you disgusting or said you were badly brought up. I addressed your behavior and the statements you made-which I thought- and still think- are contradictory. You came to a public forum with a very controversial topic- but I guess no one was supposed to comment on it? I’m not sure what they say in the UK, but here in America, it is often said “three subjects people should avoid discussing are: politics, sex and religion.” Here on the Bee, when these subjects are discussed, it never fails to be a lively thread.

I don’t wish you any harm, really. I just happen to disagree with you and I’m okay with your disagreeing with me. It takes all kinds to make a world. Good luck.

Post # 109
Member
1391 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I am a long time lurker but have finally decided to post because well this whole thing has been made into a huge deal and I would like to throw my two pennies in.

@vicars: I think you have handled this VERY well. I am kind of surprised at how rude some people have come across. YES it is okay to have your own opinions and standards but I find it kind of silly that it seems as if everyones views are being pushed upon you. You alone are accountable for your own actions! As someone who is marrying a vicar you will be in the spotlight, like celebrities who do stuff that everyday people do and they make it on the front page of the magazine. This just seems to me like a mob attacking you, one person said something and everyone else chimed in and each post is more catty than the one before! There is a difference between telling someone you think something is wrong in YOUR eyes and calling what they have done “sickening”. Now I would NEVER have sex in a church I am not that brave nor do I think that is an appropriate place to be partaking in that lol. I suggest you both own up to your actions, there’s no sense denying it, and don’t let it happen again. He as a vicar should have had more self control with the situation, but like everyone else on this planet he is human. I think you have handled this very well, my piece of advice is DO NOT do it again. You personally do not have to believe it is wrong to do that and that’s your own decision, but now that you have been caught you can see how upsetting it may have been to the congregation ( as it clearly has seriously offended some other bees) and now it’s just a matter of respect to them. Hope things work out!

 

 

Post # 110
Member
403 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Everything’s pretty much been said at this point.  My main concern is for your relationship moving forward.  How is an atheist to marry a minister?  There is an obvious huge difference here.  I do not know either one of you, but I can tell that such a vast difference is sure to cause turmoil in the relationship.  Someone is going to have to give in to the other.

The bible teaches us to not be “unequally yoked” for a reason.  I hope it all works out.

Post # 112
Member
1900 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I don’t care to comment on the original topic, but I do want to address everyone’s concern for you being an aetheist & your Fiance being a vicar.

My Dad is an aetheist and my Mom is a devout Lutheran (church every Sunday, choir, bells, etc.) and they just celebrated 50 years together in January and they have known each other since 5th grade. While I can’t say it would work for me to marry someone with such different views, It CAN & DOES work for some & I’m gald it does;-)

 

Post # 114
Member
435 posts
Helper bee

One only has to look at the grace and respect you have shown on this thread to see that you will be a fine vicar’s wife!

Post # 116
Member
435 posts
Helper bee

I have no doubt after reading your comments.

Post # 118
Member
875 posts
Busy bee

Dear Vicar’s wife,

I missed the fact that you are not a Christian.  That is an unusual fact to me because within the Christian faith we are discouraged from being unequally yoked… that is to be married or even in a relationship with someone who is not of the Christian faith. It does happen, but it is highly unusual for a spouse of a minister.   As a non-Christian, you are not in the responsible position of the vicar.  He would be responsible for the faith of his congregation and for his relationship to you.  I’m not sure if you will understand this… but as a Christian, you future spouse should see God… in the form of the Holy Trinity as his first love… and his relationship to God should be of primary importance to him.  Now I understand your puzzlement to our comments.  (I didn’t read all the comments… but I know that I believe that someone who believes that God is important enough to devote his life’s career to serving should also believe that his relationships should honor God’s laws.) 

Obviously, you are not under that faith commitment, but your future spouse is… not just as a future vicar, but as a confessing Christian… by confessing… I mean that he is verbally known and recognized as a man of Christian faith and honor.  The way he is treating you is not how I have been raised to understand how a honorable Christian man would treat a woman he loves and cherishes.  He should be protecting you from the jeers of others rather than putting you in the place of being critized by his congregation.  In my church, our ministers’ wives are treated with the utmost respect and regard by their spouses.  We as members of their congregation recognize the sacrifices that these woman give up as well as their children.  Their family life is disrupted, by the needs of the members of the congregation. 

I know this might sound strange, but as I wrote this note.  My mind began to realize that your comments are causing me to think of this as little red relationship flags…  I don’t know you or him, but it seems to me that what you have shared is that he has placed you in the position of being jeered at and gossiped about based on rules that you are not interested in nor do you believe in…  which because of your lack of knowledge about is causing you to be put in a position that does not honor you, but instead puts you in a position that will isolate you from the community that surrounds you.  Now that I understand that you don’t share his faith or see his actions as disregarding the dignity and honor of his position…  I am concerned about you.  It is my understanding that woman who are abused are often put into positions that cause them to become isolated from their community… and while at first things are fine… The abuser’s actions change so that the one being abused has no one to turn to…  A dear friend of mine lost his life coming to the aid of someone in an abusive relationship rather recently so I’m not sure if I’m reading more into this than I should, but if this is a case of you being slowly isolated from the community… then I think that concern may be warranted… 

Post # 120
Member
1981 posts
Buzzing bee

Breaking my silence to say this to you: I will be praying for you, that perhaps someday you could understand how sad and offended an act like that can make a religious person feel.

Post # 121
Member
792 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

vwit- I’m obviously in the minority here, but I just wanted to let you know that what you guys did is by no means the end of the world… although it probably wasn’t the most appropriate place to get it on, I really don’t see what the huge honking deal is, but then again I’m an atheist as well 🙂 I also think everyone needs to quit being so nasty… what’s that about casting stones?

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