(Closed) oops! caught in the act!

posted 10 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 122
2606 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

@Vicarswifeintraining – just wanted to apologize about the way I phrased my last post in this topic.  I reread it and realized that I pretty much said that I thought your Fiance should lose his position.  I obviously don’t condone what you have done, but I did phrase what I was trying to say poorly, and how it came out was not what I intended to say.  Not going to get into it any more than that, because I think it’s probably time to let this one die, but again, my apologies.

Post # 123
3219 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

After reading most of the comments I can’t help but comment again. The responses from the religious people make me glad I don’t go to church or believe in god. I wouldn’t wanna be around judgmental people like you all.

I just don’t get what people are getting so worked up about. It’s just sex….. who cares! There is no reason to pray for her! She had sex the world is not going to end!

And I must say you handled this situation with the bees wonderfully! I would not have been nearly as nice as you have been!  You will make a wonderful Vicars wife!

Post # 124
13563 posts
Honey Beekeeper

This is getting really ugly, bees. Now there are all kinds of different groups who are being attacked, including the OP and “religious people” (and others, of course, but primarily these).

Let’s agree to have differences in beliefs and drop it?

Post # 125
1892 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I have read through this entire thread and while I wish not to comment on the orginal topic as I feel it has been beaten to death (and hive this is something we are all just going to disagree on so let’s just agree on that, ok?) I do have a question…

VWIT: I’ve noticed that on the majority of your comments you’ve refered to your SO has your husband. I was just wondering are you already married (perharps a legal ceremony before the tradition one)?

I had been rather puzzled by this. If your just refering to him as your husband because that’s what you call him, I have no problem with that (I do it too sometimes when I talk to strangers)! But I became even more puzzled when you said your already living in the vicarage. I found this rather odd if you are indeed not married and thought this may have already put you in an awkward position with the congregation?

I’m not trying to judge or anything. After all it is your lives and you can do with it what you please. I do believe your comments in repsonse to some rather harsh takes on your personal life have been handled gracefully and wish you the best of luck in the weeks to come as this situation works itself out.

Post # 126
532 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

My advice would be to never get it on in your workplace or your husbands workplace. Nothing is worse than akward encounters with co-workers.

Post # 127
4 posts
  • Wedding: August 2010

       This made me really sad. I think you are setting yourself up for some heartache. When you are in such an important position of leadership you have to hold yourself to a higher standard. This doesn’t mean being perfect, but it certaintly means not lying to cover up your mistakes. The entire congregation deserves an apology. Also, if you can’t love your future husbands’ parishioners you don’t need to marry him or he needs to find another job. It sounds like  you have no concern for how deeply you could have offened his church. When you are married to someone in the ministry you are in the ministry. He is being very irresponsible involving someone who doesn’t want to be there.

And lastly it doesn’t matter what Church you are a memeber of or if your European or American. Your actions did not agree with the bible. It sounds like selfishness and not love. And love is the whole point.

And what does the LORD require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?” Micha 6:8 It’s the only way to be really happy.  If your actions reflect this attitude, then it doesn’t matter what you do, know one can get upset with your mistakes.



Post # 129
601 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2020

I’m so surprised at how fired up everyone is over this.

VicarsWife- I say just move on.  Let the ladies have a little gossip with it, and I’m sure they’ll be someone else in the hot seat in  a week or so.  And maybe just go out of your way to be extra helpful in the church.   It’ll be ok.  I promise.

Post # 130
1892 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@VWIT: Ok that is what I thought. Happens to me too! I was just asking because I find it hard to believe that the congregation does not have a problem with their unmarried vicar living with a women (finacee or not) in housing that is provided by the church?! Seems awkward to me but you yourself just said that as well.

I for one wasn’t pro-living together before marriage but the way it worked out we will be living together about 4 months (maybe a little less since I haven’t offically moved yet) before so I can understand that timing sometimes just works that way. 

Post # 131
169 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011


Okay, I don’t get the part about it being disrespectful or disgusting. Sex is beautiful, natural, and an extension of love. Sex can be Divine. The two of you have already made a commitment to each other so I don’t get the sex before marriage part either, but I guess for me the promise is more than the stamp of approval. While I do think you two should keep things a little more private, I don’t think walking in on a couple making love is harmful to anyone. Even if it is in a sacred place. If anything it provides the ladies with something to talk about for a while. That being said, not everyone is as understanding (clearly, look at the responses you got) and the two of you shouldn’t do anything else to jeopordize your FI’s job. I would let it die down a bit, maybe send the lady flowers and an appology note? Something small, but that gets the point that it wont happen again across.

Post # 132
946 posts
Busy bee

Monkey Girl said something to the effect that pooping is natural, but you wouldn’t do that in church. 

Ummm…I poop at church all the time.  Ya know…jus’ sayin’. 

That’s really all I have to add to the conversation.  😀

Post # 133
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I poop almost everywhere I go! Sorry, I have a fast metabolism!!! (and that’s all I have to add to this conversation!)

Man oh Man,  I hope I kill this thread with my comment @vicarswife so you can get some well needed rest from these repeatedly terrible comments!!!!

Post # 134
875 posts
Busy bee

Dear Vicar’s wife,

I am glad to see that you do not feel that you are being isolated!  I hope you have a happy marriage and that you grow in faith and wisdom! 

To those of you who believe that the Christians replies were harsh…

  You need to realize that we think of a church building as a holy place where we gather to worship the Lord God Almighty.  While we believe that God is the creator of the Earth and all that there is within it, we also view the church building as a special and unique place set aside for worship and celebration.  Our reverance for the building and the laws of God are our way of showing respect for Him who created us.   The Bible speaks of Holy Ground as being significantly special.  Our response and concern is about a leader of a Christian group who does not seem to be acting in a way that glorifies God, and is justifying his choices to someone who may not understand our concern, and through weddingbee, his decisions to do something that we find profoundly offensive is leading you to critize the Christians who are concerned not only about the Vicar, and the VWIT, but also about his congregation and the weddingbee community.   The church is a hospital for sinners not a museum of saints, so we are not suggesting that we or they must be perfect.  Our respect for God is such that we have responded that this activity is inappropriate.  

 Just to let you know, when I originally read this post, I believed it was going to be a silly post on finding a ring or seeing a gift.  I have found myself returning to write and respond, because this is a post that is significantly important to the Christian community.  We don’t want to see someone as lovely as Thevicar’swifeintraining hurt by her congregation, nor do we want any church community to be disrupted by this activity…  To put it in perspective, our respect for our church is similar to what your respect might be for your wonderful grandmother, your favorite teacher, the wise mentor who treats you kindly but is not to be disregarded.  It’s a little like saying that you went swimming in a muddy pond, and instead of drying off and taking a shower before dinner, you decided to sit on your Grandmothers antique velvet cushioned chairs at a table covered in the finest of antique linen tableclothes soaking wet and in mud. 

Being muddy and soaking wet has it’s time and place, and so does sitting at a fine table drinking champagne and eating strawberries and cream on fine china and sterling silver.  You wouldn’t be surprised if your Mamma yelled at you for ruining a fine linen table cloth or chairs because there is a reason for her to respond that way.  There is also a reason for our response, that you may not understand, but we do as members of the Christian faith.  Our replies have been a little like your Mamma’s shouts!!! 

We think the act of marriage is just fine… After all God created it!  But He let us know that as a people of faith, He has some strong opinions on our actions and activities.  As someone who is not in the community of faith, you may be reading our responses as people who do not have the right to have an opinion, but from our perspective as a people of faith, it is our responsibility to guide others within our faith community to make good decisions.  The Vicar’swifeintraining is an associate of the community, because she has written that she does not share her husband to be’s faith…and she views that her choice to work outside the church will reflect on her personal opinion of the matters of faith.  That is indeed her personal concern.  But I would guess that most of us did not realize that she herself was not a member of our faith community, but as you know the Vicar is a part of our Christian faith.  Our concern is that he is sinning by not following the word of God and the teaching of God.  As a leader in our faith, he is not meeting the expectations of a leader.  Our response that we will be praying for her is out of concern.  Prayers are a form of communicating with the Almighty.  We are asking for God’s guidance for the Vicar and wisdom in our responses.  We talk to God about a lot of things.  He answers our prayers in mighty ways, and I pray that His answer to my prayer for the readers of this blog is that you will read and understand that our concern is for our community of faith, the Vicar couple, and for you the other readers.  It may sound silly, but our desire is that God will be revered for who He is, that those of you who do not know the Lord will come to know Him, and that as a people of faith our actions will not hinder your search for truth!  

In bee blog friendship and Christian love, Miss Bliss

Post # 135
1980 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Beautifully said, Miss Bliss.

Post # 136
7770 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I don’t want to comment, but I feel like this thread was started to upset people.  I don’t even get it.  If that’s what you want to do, maybe keep it to yourself. 

The topic ‘oops! caught in the act!’ is closed to new replies.

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