Post # 1
So I went shopping for an alternate wedding dress with my Maid/Matron of Honor a few weeks ago and we looked at dresses for her while at the shop (she didn’t want to try anything on that day). I was trying to describe the style I wanted to her. I was looking for red dresses (long or short I didn’t care) and I was going to let everyone pick their own style.
However I guess I wasn’t clear about what I meant for that. I was thinking to go with a specific designer (like Mori Lee/Bari Jay/etc) and have everyone pick a gown that flatters them in a matching fabric/color.
It turns out she went dress shopping without me and bought a dress. She went with one of my alternate colors, gold. (She had previously expressed some concerns about wearing red). Now what do I do? The store has a website but a very limited online selection. I wouldn’t be able to find the same things in store and online. While I can take my other BMs to the store in person to find a coordinating dress, what do I do about my out of country bridesmaid? Just pick a dress for her and ship it to her (and hope she likes it/it fits)?
Or should I just have everyone buy whatever dress they want and don’t worry about matching? But if I do that, should I have everyone buy a gold dress so there is some sort of coordinating? Or since she’s my Maid/Matron of Honor, just let her wear whatever and have everyone else in coordinating red dresses? Or will that make her look more out of place?
I was hoping to have this sort of a look… Any ideas?
Post # 3
Unless you specifically told her she could pick out her own dress in either gold or red, I’d ask her to return it. I don’t think its being bridezilla, it seems as if your Maid/Matron of Honor took control and did what she wanted without any instruction from you. Figure out what you want to do for the bridesmaids – i.e. pick a designer, length (if you care) and a color ASAP, and then ask each girl to choose a dress so there isn’t any further confusion.
You could allow her to wear the gold dress and have the bridesmaids wear the red color, but if that wasn’t your intention and not something you want to do, I wouldn’t feel obligated to just because Maid/Matron of Honor took this into her own hands. She should’ve cleared it with you before she bought a dress so its her fault that the dress will need to be return. I would just explain to her that you want all of the girls in the red color, and you understand she doesn’t think its a flattering choice but its only for a few hours and she can wear the gold dress to the rehearsal dinner or bachelorette party. Bridesmaid dress colors often aren’t the first choice of the bridesmaids, that’s sort of the point!
Post # 4
oh hell no, that would never fly with me. You told her the color, and even though you didn’t specify the designer at the time, why the hell would she go directly against what you said? tell her that you’re sorry if there was a miscommunication, but the dresses are to be red. Ask her if there are any dresses at the store that are red, or if the dress she picks comes in red. Say you also had these designers in mind, maybe link her to some of their dresses. I would be out of my mind livid! And I’m having a tough week with the bridesmaids as it is!
Post # 5
Is Maid/Matron of Honor able to return the dress she bought or is she dead set on wearing it? It would probably look fine to have her in gold and other BMs in red since she is the Maid/Matron of Honor. I would just make sure the red dresses are a similar style, same length and material. Maybe some type of gold sash on BMs or red sash on Maid/Matron of Honor to tie it all together.
The other option is to let her know she jumped the gun and she needs tp pick another dress that you approve.
Post # 6
@IAmLemondrop: It was very presumptuous and rude of your Maid/Matron of Honor to buy her own dress without consulting you! Really, who does that? Was there some sort of miscommunication where she thought your brainstorming was a directive to go find her own dress? Honestly, I’d ask her to return it and pick out a dress that works for you and the rest of your BMs.
By The Way, I used Ann Taylor Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses for my girls and I was pretty happy. For one, you can easily make returns and exchanges if they somehow order the wrong size. And two, they usually have a few different styles to choose from like strapless, v-neck, etc. if your Bridesmaid or Best Man each want a different style. Plus, they have really good sales from 30-40% off the retail price, just keep your eye on the website.
Post # 7
uh, you are not a bridezilla. she was totally inappropriate and you should politely ask her to return the dress.
Post # 8
@IAmLemondrop: I hate wearing red…HATE IT…i dont own ONCE PIECE OF CLOTHING THAT HAS RED ON IT…and my friend asked me to be her Maid/Matron of Honor, you know what i did…i ordered a 70.00 red dress….
I didnt voice my concern about having to wear red….and i surely DID NOT go out and buy a different coloured dress.
Point being….you are not a bridezilla…not even close. Simply ask you BM/MOH to return the dress. I would apologize saying “oh i am so sorry i didnt realize i was unclear..it has to be red…i dont care what length or style though…”
Hope it works it!
Post # 9
I agree with the PP’s. You should ask her to return it. I know a lot of brides have the Maid/Matron of Honor in a different color so she stands out, so if that’s a look you want then I think it’s fine to do that. But, it’s your wedding and she should wear the color you ask her to, not make her own decision without consulting you. Just explain to her that there must have been some misunderstanding and explain your vision to her again. If she’s your Maid/Matron of Honor she’s obviously a close friend so she should understand.
Post # 10
@Krises: Well, I’m not sure if she took what I said as carte blanche to just get anything. I told her I wanted each person in a style they felt comfortable with, but we also made specific plans to go out together and look for something because I wanted to see her try on some red dresses at least.
I probably should have just picked a designer from the outset, but I didn’t want to pick a designer that might not have anything she could wear (she’s a plus size).
@arenyth: Yes, she was saying the store had red dresses (in the shade I wanted) in stock. I guess I’m just going to have to see what they have. I was looking at more of a metallic/satin type of material. Her dress has a chiffon overlay so the gold is a very muted color. I guess I’ll just have to see what the red looks like in person.
@7-9-11bride: I was thinking about coordinating sashes, but her dress is an empire style with a lot of beading at the top. It just wouldn’t look right.
Post # 11
@RoundtreeBee: I like the Ann Taylor dresses also. 🙂 I was hoping to use a more accessible designer for my dresses since I have an out of country bridesmaid. She wouldn’t get here until a few days before the wedding, so I was hoping that she would be able to go to a bridal store near her and try on dresses in person. It was kind of the whole point of giving some freedom in the dresses so that no one had to wear a dress that they had no say in. It wasn’t supposed to end up like this though…
@Baileyh: Yeah, I guess I should do that. She said she loves the dress and would keep it regardless, but I feel bad making her buy something else (even though she’s putting me in a bad position in the process).
@RingAroundtheRosie: When you’ve seen other people with the Maid/Matron of Honor in a different color, was she wearing a completely different gown? Or the same thing in a different color?
I guess I can be okay with having her in a different color, but I don’t know how it will look if everyone is wearing a different dress and the Maid/Matron of Honor is in a completely different dress and color from everyone else. It makes me feel as if they don’t tie together at all.
And I guess part of the problem is that I asked her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor and didn’t ask our mutual friend to be in my bridal party at all. So she went out and bought the dress with the mutual friend that I didn’t ask. So I guess a lot of my frustration stems from the fact that they are making decisions without me.
Post # 12
my sister is my Maid/Matron of Honor and she will be wearing a different dress and diffrent color but the rest of the bridemaids will be wearing the same dress same color
Post # 13
I think it would work fine to have the gold dress, even with red dresses, though I guess that depends on your color scheme. I actually thin kit could look really nice. But I didn’t have my bridesmaids dresses match (just the same color). I guess it might be worse if it’s a completely different style than what you wanted, but I think you could make that work, too.
Do you have a picture of the dress?
I don’t think you’re being bridezilla, though. If it’s important to you that she wear red, talk it over with her.
Post # 14
@ManciasToBe: That’s an idea. It takes away the (letting them pick their own dress aspect), but it does give them a unified look.
@MaybeeBecca: No I should have taken a picture of it. But it is a V-neck with straps, beading under the bodice, and a chiffon gold overlay over a gold satin. If you can picture that.
I can’t get everyone together to go to the shop to look for dresses until next month, so I guess I’ll just try not to worry about it until then. Thanks bees!
Post # 15
That sucks, this is why I didn’t give mine a choice. This is what you’re wearing this is the color, that’s that.
Post # 16
I disagree with most of the previous posters, I think the combination of gold and red would be lovely and you can let her keep the gold dress. Ask the other BMs to get red dresses and it’ll look great together.
And imagine when your Maid/Matron of Honor gets married, she’ll look back and realize what an understanding bride and amazing friend you were!