(Closed) OOT MOH

posted 10 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Hi gone2years!  I understand your confusion.  My Maid/Matron of Honor lives in DC while I’m in Boston.  In fact, all of my bridesmaids except one lives outside of Boston.  Thus, as a bride, I don’t expect them to do as much necessarily as they would if they lived near me.  That being said, I do still want them, esp my Maid/Matron of Honor, to be involved with the process. 

As Maid/Matron of Honor, I think it’s still your duty to organize the bachelorette party, and also at least one shower.  I know you said you probably couldn’t afford to visit before the wedding, but since it’s only 10 hours, could you drive up for a weekend perhaps?  While you obviously won’t have as much to help out with in planning itself (unless she can give you something to do on your own), I think it’s super important to be there for the shower, at least.  That being said, finances are what they are, and if you absolutely can’t, then I’m sure she’d understand. 

Post # 4
Member
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Hi there:

I was just the Maid/Matron of Honor in a wedding last week and I live on the opposite coast.  My best advice is to talk through your duties with your bride right away so you can both set levels of expectations and not disappoint each other.

For example, express now that you won’t be able to afford coming out prior to the wedding.  Then you can discuss how you can quarterback or participate from afar.

You can do a lot of research for your bride on things like centerpieces, Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses, favors, cake toppers, etc.  You can help coordinate the shower with the other BMs, but talk it through that you will rely on them & the bride’s family for execution.  You can gather the shower guest list, do the invitations.

The most important thing you can do is to be supportive.  Call or email regularly just to check in, agree with her decisions, or just to tell her that everything is going to be OK because there will be some stressful moments.  Do your best to show that you care, and I’m sure she’ll appreciate any effort you make.  Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
87 posts
Worker bee

My best friend and Maid/Matron of Honor lives across the country from me.  To be honest I didn’t really expect anything from her because of the distance, but she offered to throw me a shower.  She told me a date for it, but nothing else, but then it turned out it was a surprise shower a couple weeks before I expected!  She coordinated with my Fiance and a lot of my local girlfriends for help, I think, but she arranged most of it from afar.  She was going to fly out for it, but ended up getting a last minute work assignment and couldn’t make it.

I was so happy with the shower.  She did such an amazing job, she got little favors and organized my registry, she sent an evite out…she had it at a restaurant and ordered drinks and hors d’oeuvres for everyone, and then people paid for their own lunches afterwards.  I’m not sure what planning went into it, but it can be done long distance.  And if your best friend is like me, she will be incredibly touched by whatever you do, even if you can’t be there. 

If your best friends other BMs are more local, maybe you can try to orchestrate everything from where you are and enlisting them for whatever local help you need.  Doing it at a restuarant I think would be really helpful, that way you don’t have to put too much of a burden on anyone else.  

But seriously, after having my shower I felt so loved and grateful for my friends, but especially my best friend–she is amazing.  Whatever you’re able to do from far away I’m sure your best friend will appreciate.

Post # 6
Member
35 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I am kind of the opposite- I am the one that lives far from everyone- all of my girls live near eachother and my parents and our wedding site. I wish I could do more with all of them! I agree though that you could help out with the party organizing (even if you can’t attend)- that is what means the most, just knowing that you care and are thinking of her.

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