(Closed) Open and Cash Bar…. wording?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
1697 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

wait question guys, is it ok to put it in the program? or menu? both? one not the other?

Post # 18
Member
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Angelz_love: I figure by the time they’re already at the wedding, they won’t have the time to get the $$ if they didn’t already know. So program/menu won’t really do much, imo. I’d spread the news by word of mouth and the website. 

Post # 19
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I put it on my website.  I wanted to make sure people went to the website so instead of putting all the inserts for accomodations and directions in the invites, I put a website card that listed the type of info they would get on the website.  Once people go to it, they will typically browse around.  I made sure I gave the info about the cash bar in a spot they wouldn’t miss! 

Post # 20
Member
3285 posts
Sugar bee

There is no way to  polietly tell someone that your hosting will be inadequate after a certain point so make sure they have cash to pick up the slack.

Regardless of where you live, good etiquette will always forbid charging your guests for any part of your hospitality.  While the cash bar may be accepted in certain areas, within certain groups, it will not be considered polite.

Post # 21
Member
3942 posts
Honey bee

@andielovesj: Wow, thats a little harsh.

We will be having an open bar, but its something that we both want.  An open bar, or any bar really, is not required in order to be a good hostess. Guests are invited to celebrate with you, and although alcohol is generally appreciated, its not required.

Post # 22
Member
5110 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2011

Yes word of mouth is the best! But go with your gut you know your crowd better than we do!

Post # 23
Member
3285 posts
Sugar bee

@Bostongrl25: You are right an open bar isn’t required to be a good hostess.  But not charging guests for any portion of your hospitality is absolutely a requirement of good etiquette.

It doesn’t have to be exclusive top shelf liquor free flowing all the time or a completely dry wedding.  There are lots of option in between those two, which can be perfectly acceptable by etiquette. 

It is just as impolite to tell your guests you will pay for the chicken dinner, but if they want to pay the waiter extra he will bring you steak.  The cash bar is the same situation.  Just because it is alcohol does not change the responsibilities of the hosts.

Post # 24
Member
3942 posts
Honey bee

@andielovesj: I disagree. The OP is providing food and I’m assuming soda, juice, water, etc. Any drinks more than that are not required and is “above and beyond”. The OP is already providing open bar  for close to half the night.

To each their own.

Post # 25
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

OP wasn’t asking if it’s ok to do a cash bar.  She’s just asking how to word it.  Telling her you think a cash bar is wrong isn’t really helping her or answering her question. 

Post # 27
Member
3285 posts
Sugar bee

@Bostongrl25: I agree that booze is above and beyond.  But that doesn’t make it less rude to charge for it.

Post # 28
Member
391 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@andielovesj: I tend to agree with you.  Either pay for all of it or none of it… no mixed messages then.

@MASPA: I like that wording!

Also, maybe the bartenders could mention it during cocktail hour to warn people?

Post # 29
Member
311 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@nerdface: It would be extremely rude to show up to an invited dinner without a bottle of wine or liquor to at least cover your own consumption.

I wouldn’t expect to show up to someone’s house for a dinner party and them pay for my alcohol consumption… so why expect it at a wedding? An open bar is a nice treat.

 

@Ms. Anemone: I vote for the wording on the invitation or website. Then people know how much cash to bring/expect to spend. And if one of your invitees is as offended by your not having an open bar all night as pp have expressed, they can simply RSVP no at that point.

I suspect you know your audience well enough to know this is an acceptable route.

Post # 30
Member
3374 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Please put it on your website somewhere. I don’t even bring a purse, let alone money to weddings anymore because I had some items stolen. I would be drinkless all night if I didn’t know beforehand.

Post # 31
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee

@bananejaune:Would you bring a bottle of wine to cover your consumption at a wedding?  A wedding reception is just a very large dinner party that happens after someone gets married.  You bring a gift to a wedding just as you would for a dinner party.  Since the wedding is more expensive and the couple is supposed to be starting their new life, you bring something a bit bigger to a wedding.  But for a dinner party, you assume that the hosts already have their home essentials so you bring a bottle of wine or some fancy cheese or flowers or something similar.  

My point is still valid-it’s rude to invite people to a dinner party and ask them to pay cash for beverages.  If you can’t afford to be an adequate host then your party should be scaled back.

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