(Closed) Open Bar Etiquette Question

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
3170 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Hmm, this is a touchy subject. I think it all depends on your family and how you think they would react to something like that. If I told my family these rules they would be fine with it but if I told my husband’s family they would probably think it was rude. I would just let them do with it however they want to keep from making anyone feel weird about it.

 

Post # 5
Member
8696 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@jhey83:  I would not address it.

Post # 6
Member
894 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@jhey83:  Omg…that is a real bad idea…..

Terrible…imagine I was a bridesmaid…i could have drinks and my husband couldnt…terrible I would oviously share with him …

have a cash bar, and have a toast before the wedding or between the wedding and reception with your closest family members and bridal party…think about it this way…a few glasses of chamgagne while you take pictures.

A cheaper option is to have wine during the meal only and then making it cash…

Again tickets….and saying no drinks for spouses is increidibly rude and impossible to do.

Post # 8
Member
3239 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’ve been a member of a bridal party at a wedding where there was a cash bar. And I have to admit that I felt a bit under-appreciated being nickle and dimed for drinks after I spent almost $1k to be in the wedding. I think your Bridal Party will appreciate receiving a little envelope with a nice note about how you hope free drinks for the night will go some small way to showing how much you appreciate all their hard work. I know I would’ve!

 

As for the no drink-sharing piece. They’re your best friends in the world, right? I don’t see why you can’t simply say “we would have loved to extend this to all guests, but we were only able to do this for our most special friends! If you are going to use this golden ticket to buy drinks for other guests, kindly do so sparingly.”

 

If you tell us the prices at your cash bar and how many people will be receiving these tickets, maybe I could try to figure out how long that $1k will actually go. 

 

Post # 9
Member
839 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@bbfyso:  I don’t think she is saying that spouses cannot drink at all, she’s jsut saying she won’t be paying for it with the open bar tab, so the spouses will have to purchase their drinks at the bar like everyone else.

I don’t think it’s necessary to address it. You’ll be spending the same amount of money either way, so it’s not really worth the risk of offending someone. Just tell them that it is a gift to them from you as a thank you for all their help, and they’ll figure it out

 

Post # 12
Member
2025 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Ok, so we were going to do this because my family drinks a lot and my fiances doesnt.  But the coordinator said she has had that happen in the past and it gets to be too much.  She said it just doesnt work out very well.  So now we are paying for an open bar.  My guesses as to why I doesnt work well are: Other guests getting jealous, other guests (or family of party) asking to use the ticket too, and bartender not being able to keep up with everything. 

That is really sweet of you and your Fiance to do that.  I wish we had the $ to do that.  Maybe it will work for you.

Post # 13
Member
3239 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’m also thinking, can you not use a literal ticket? Can you just alert the bar staff as to who is drinking free? I’d think they would be fairly conspicuous anyway.

Post # 14
Member
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

We did a limited capped bar for our guests that consisted of house wine, well liquor, and draft beer.  It worked out well for us and our guests.  Does your venue offer something along those lines?  If you limit the offerings for your bridal party and parents that $1000 is going to go a lot farther.

And yes, I would be pretty offended to know that it was a cash bar for some but not all.

Post # 16
Member
3574 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I went to a wedding where it was a cash bar for the guests but not the bridal party.  I was not happy.  Maybe I wasn’t in the bridal party, but I spent a lot of money to travel to the shower, the bachelorette, and the wedding. I was so confused when the bartender asked if I was in the bridal party or a family member.

 In addition to the bridal party not paying for their drinks, they could order anything they wanted.  I wanted a mixed drink, but we could only get beer or wine at the cash bar.  Weirdest wedding ever.

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