Post # 1
Quick “Etiquette” or a “What Would You Do” Question.
Our wedding is next Friday (YAY!) and we have decided to put $1,000.00 on the bar for our wedding party and our parents as a Thank You for all that they have done for us over the past year. We don’t expect that this will last the whole night but we hope that it will cut down on some of the costs that they have incurred lately. Unfortunately we couldn’t afford an open bar for everyone; the first hour alone was $3,000 so we felt that this would be a nice gesture to the people closest to us. Each member of the wedding party will have a ticket and when they go up to the bar they will show that same ticket all night and it will ring on a separate bill until the $1,000 is gone. My question is: do we talk to our wedding party about only using the ticket for themselves and refrain from purchasing tickets for spouses and friends? I don’t want to sound like a snob or anything but I want it to be a thank you to them for all their hard work. Would you even address and talk to them or just let it be? My worry is that it will get used up twice as fast and some members won’t be able to “enjoy” as much as others. What do you ladies think? Thank you for the advice! = )
Post # 3
Hmm, this is a touchy subject. I think it all depends on your family and how you think they would react to something like that. If I told my family these rules they would be fine with it but if I told my husband’s family they would probably think it was rude. I would just let them do with it however they want to keep from making anyone feel weird about it.
Post # 4
@Birdee106: Agreed. I feel that it is too touchy of a subject to worry about. I am going to hand them a ticket and let it be. Thanks for the input!
Post # 5
@jhey83: I would not address it.
Post # 6
@jhey83: Omg…that is a real bad idea…..
Terrible…imagine I was a bridesmaid…i could have drinks and my husband couldnt…terrible I would oviously share with him …
have a cash bar, and have a toast before the wedding or between the wedding and reception with your closest family members and bridal party…think about it this way…a few glasses of chamgagne while you take pictures.
A cheaper option is to have wine during the meal only and then making it cash…
Again tickets….and saying no drinks for spouses is increidibly rude and impossible to do.
Post # 7
@gelaine22: Thanks. I was leaning that way but wanted some other opinions; def. leaving be! = )
Post # 8
I’ve been a member of a bridal party at a wedding where there was a cash bar. And I have to admit that I felt a bit under-appreciated being nickle and dimed for drinks after I spent almost $1k to be in the wedding. I think your Bridal Party will appreciate receiving a little envelope with a nice note about how you hope free drinks for the night will go some small way to showing how much you appreciate all their hard work. I know I would’ve!
As for the no drink-sharing piece. They’re your best friends in the world, right? I don’t see why you can’t simply say “we would have loved to extend this to all guests, but we were only able to do this for our most special friends! If you are going to use this golden ticket to buy drinks for other guests, kindly do so sparingly.”
If you tell us the prices at your cash bar and how many people will be receiving these tickets, maybe I could try to figure out how long that $1k will actually go.
Post # 9
@bbfyso: I don’t think she is saying that spouses cannot drink at all, she’s jsut saying she won’t be paying for it with the open bar tab, so the spouses will have to purchase their drinks at the bar like everyone else.
I don’t think it’s necessary to address it. You’ll be spending the same amount of money either way, so it’s not really worth the risk of offending someone. Just tell them that it is a gift to them from you as a thank you for all their help, and they’ll figure it out
Post # 10
@bbfyso: Thanks for the input
Post # 11
@LilliePad: Thanks for the clarification! = ) I agree; it’s the same amount and at that point a couple hundred on spouses will make everyone happy the more i think about it and hear opinions. = )
Post # 12
Ok, so we were going to do this because my family drinks a lot and my fiances doesnt. But the coordinator said she has had that happen in the past and it gets to be too much. She said it just doesnt work out very well. So now we are paying for an open bar. My guesses as to why I doesnt work well are: Other guests getting jealous, other guests (or family of party) asking to use the ticket too, and bartender not being able to keep up with everything.
That is really sweet of you and your Fiance to do that. I wish we had the $ to do that. Maybe it will work for you.
Post # 13
I’m also thinking, can you not use a literal ticket? Can you just alert the bar staff as to who is drinking free? I’d think they would be fairly conspicuous anyway.
Post # 14
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
We did a limited capped bar for our guests that consisted of house wine, well liquor, and draft beer. It worked out well for us and our guests. Does your venue offer something along those lines? If you limit the offerings for your bridal party and parents that $1000 is going to go a lot farther.
And yes, I would be pretty offended to know that it was a cash bar for some but not all.
Post # 15
Thanks! I really think that the Bridal Party will appreciate it; like you said after all they spent buying some drinks for everyone is the least we can do at this point = ) and thank you SO much for researching how far this can do; that’s incredibly nice of you!
House Brands $5.50
Call Brands $6.50
Premium Brands $7.00
Super Premium Brands $7.75
Cordials (On the rocks) $8.25
Imported and Premium Beers $6.00
Domestic Beer $4.75
House Wine By The Glass $6.50
Soda and Juice $2.00
Included me and my FH we will have 22 people on this tab so an estimated $45.00 each; so it won’t go too far but some are not big drinkers so that might help extend it slightly. Oh, we also are giving $50.00 to each bartender (2) on this tab that way when they do get their “free” drinks they dont have to tip = )
Post # 16
I went to a wedding where it was a cash bar for the guests but not the bridal party. I was not happy. Maybe I wasn’t in the bridal party, but I spent a lot of money to travel to the shower, the bachelorette, and the wedding. I was so confused when the bartender asked if I was in the bridal party or a family member.
In addition to the bridal party not paying for their drinks, they could order anything they wanted. I wanted a mixed drink, but we could only get beer or wine at the cash bar. Weirdest wedding ever.