- 1 week ago
- Wedding: June 2020
Boy oh boy, nothing is ever simple.
My future Mother-In-Law was feeling a bit disconnected from the wedding, so Fiance and I invited her, along with my mother, to our food tasting event. It was a big party that the venue throws. The whole time, her focus was on negative things. She had little to say about the food, the venue, or any of the ideas we mentioned.
So while I’m sitting there with my mom, Fiance leaves to get a drink. While he’s gone, his mom starts telling me about how much she doesn’t want us to do an open bar. Her husband (FFIL) has drinking problems and she thinks that a cash bar will prevent him and others from over drinking. I’ve never heard her talk about her husbands issues so bluntly, and I don’t appreciate the timing. Instead of sitting down with her son to talk to him about it sensitively and privately, she thought that it was something to discuss with me and my mom. I felt cornered and bossed around at a fun wedding event that was supposed to be more of a bonding experience. I didn’t really say much, but nodded along to acknowledge her thoughts. It was awkward and my mom certainly didn’t know what to say.
Basically, I think that alcoholics will drink no matter what. What is the difference between an open beer/wine bar and access to a $5 beer?
I refuse to change my plans to properly host 150 people over few people’s inability to control themselves. It felt like she was putting it on me to stop her husband from over drinking, instead of expecting him to manage his own behavior.
My Fiance feels the same way. He is well aware of his father’s problem and was more pro-open bar than I am. I just really didn’t appreciate his mom’s approach to it. She said it was the one thing that she would push her opinion about and that she doesn’t like open bars. She hasn’t shared any positive or helpful opinions about anything else.
Just as an example of the level of her non-interest, she mentioned that Fiance had never told her what time the wedding was and she didnt know… But she has a save the date with the wedding website on it. The whole schedule for the day is on the website, she just clearly hasn’t bothered or doesn’t care to look.
I’m just feeling very frustrated. It will all be fine, but I wish we could have had a nice tasting event without having to bring such negative energy to it.