Open marriage – would you consider it? Does it work for you?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Would you consider an open relationship?
    No, absolutely not : (457 votes)
    84 %
    I'm undecided - it would depend on the circumstances : (57 votes)
    11 %
    Yes, I would be happy to give it a go : (16 votes)
    3 %
    Yes, I"m actually in an open relationship and it works for us : (12 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    62 posts
    Worker bee

    Not in this lifetime…or the next one. 

     

    Eta: She should strongly consider walking away from the relationship. 

    • This reply was modified 3 years, 5 months ago by  lacey514.
    Post # 3
    Member
    6527 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    amanda3334455:  absolutely not. My husband and I believe that if you are going to be in an open marriage, than why get married? People may disagree with that but its the way we feel. We both feel that marriage is a commitment that should be made between two people, not multiple people. I just dont see how having an open relationship can ever work, even if there is a couple who is strong emotionally and wont get attached but I feel that eventually something will go wrong.

    When you are in an open marriage/relationship there needs to be a lot lf boundaries so that peoples feelings dont get hurt. And now that your friend has opened that door and wants to close it but the Fiance doesnt is a major problem. Both need to be on the same page as far as not wanting to have that type of relationship anymore, however, personally I couldnt trust him not to cheat on me bc he enjoyed the openess so much. 

    What your friend did was a bad idea, and in the middle of planning a wedding. She has opened up Pandora’s box. Inhope things work out for her

    Post # 4
    Member
    9550 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    It depends, every couple is different. It has worked for my friends in the past but settled to being exclusive once enagaged and/ or pregnant. Your friends need to communicate and figure it out. It obviously wont work if one doesnt want to be open. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    4149 posts
    Honey bee

    amanda3334455:  As PP said, why even get married if you want to sleep with other people? It negates the entire purpose of marriage, in my opinion. No disrespect to people who do choose that lifestyle, but it doesn’t make sense to me. And it’s not something I’d ever consider. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    272 posts
    Helper bee

    If you want an ‘open’ marriage then you don’t actually want marriage in my opinion. To marry someone is to commit yourself to the other person, and them only, for the rest of your life. You can’t have your cake and eat it too, and if you want to, frankly that’s just completely selfish and I would advise my girlfriends to stay well away from anyone like that.  

    Post # 8
    Member
    184 posts
    Blushing bee

    The first thing that comes to mind is STD’s. If the third party has no qualms about being with a married couple, how do they know for sure that person is exclusive?

    Post # 9
    Member
    1308 posts
    Bumble bee

    I can’t fathom it, but that’s just me.  I agree with fear of STD’s.

    Also, for the average person using “open” situations to spice things up, I feel like it quickly bridges into unwarranted territory.  In order to spice it up even more, one party may start keeping secrets, one party might start getting theirs “more” than what is allowed, etc etc.  I feel it starts to become an adrenaline fueled pursuit really fast (I have an open relationship, now I need a secret one, now I need MORE partners, now I need freakier partners, now I need an emotional connection with my partners etc).

    So no, I don’t really think it would be at all possible for me.  Not sure about anyone else, but I wouldn’t be able to do it because I think it usually ends poorly, even if it takes a few years.

    Post # 10
    Member
    8844 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    Would it be something that I would want to have in my marriage? Probably not. But I can see some situations where it might be important to sustain a marriage. For example if there was a medical reason why the couple could not have sex (so say a disability that occurs after becoming a stable couple). I think it could be life saving to a marriage in the right circumstances. Sex is important and so is sexual satisfaction.

     

    Post # 11
    Member
    2350 posts
    Buzzing bee

    amanda3334455:  I think there is probably a very very small percentage of people for whom an open marraige would work but I’m not in that group. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    3246 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    Okay, I get that an open marriage is not for everyone but conducted right with a tonne of communication and trust as the top priority they can be very successful and fulfilling. However, a lot of people do not know how to be truly open and trustworthy. What needs to be in place when considering an open marriage is everybody’s boundaries. As in, there has to be a rule where if one party decides its too much they have the right to get their wishes met. With no guilt trips. Because the marriage should always be the most iimportant part. 

    What should also be established BEFORE proceeding is what kind of open relationships you are embarking on. Is it emotional and sexual? Or just sexual? Is it long term, short term, casual? Do you share partners or have seperate partners and do you split your time equally? As in, if he is goiing out with his girlfriend three times a week, are you stuck in the house lonely because you only see your partner once a week? Jealousy has to absolutely NOT exist. It will not work if jealousy enters into it. Open relationships work if both partners are generous, non possessive people who like a lot of attention or variety.   

    The openness should only ever be introduced as a BONUS not to spice things up or save a failing relationship. That is A DISASTER. I’m not in an open marriage at all but I’m the kind of personality where I could be completely cool with it. But only when its been fully researched and completely talked out, organised and agreed upon. Never would I put my marriage in danger. An orgasm with a stranger is so not worth losing the love of my life over.

    I say this relationship is pretty doomed. I dont feel that she is a naturally polyamourus personality. He may be. But she isnt and its likely she suggested this or agreed to it out of fear of losing him. Worst. Reason. Ever.

     

     

     

     

     

     

    Post # 13
    Member
    1833 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    Yipeebee:  My thoughts exactly. I could handle it. He couldn’t. So we don’t. We’d both be comfortable having another woman join us on occasion but we’ve yet to come across a good candidate. Plus now I’m pregnant…so eww.

    Post # 14
    Member
    1311 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    Never in a million years would we have a open marriage. Nope nope nope. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    7435 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2013

    That’s a HUGE no from me.

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