(Closed) Open Relationship and Cheating?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Without knowing the agreements she has made with her husband, and what boundaries they set, you cannot know if this is cheating. Period.   It doesn’t matter one bit if you or I think it’s cheating. What matters in their relationship is what they think.

Post # 4
Member
1292 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

All I saw was that she had sex with a 16 year old boy. HOW OLD IS SHE?!?!

Post # 5
Member
2831 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I would consider this cheating. But that’s their business. I’m sure it will all come out.

 

@S2013:  Ya really?!

Post # 6
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@AcheneMalefic:   I thought the whole idea of that was to switch partners, but with FULL consent and knowledge from the current/long-term partner. Am I incorrect? This IS cheating that she’s doing, right?

WRONG. The idea of an open realtionship is that 1 or both partners get to engage in some form of relationship weather it be physical, emotional or both. The TERMS of that agreement are between the parties in agreement; and they will vary greatly. It can vary from my husband can sleep with anyone he wants, but he can never have anal. Or my wife is allowed to perform oral on any man but only in front of me. Or both parties can sleep with, date, be infatuated with anyone , and no exchange of info is ever required except for STD information.

Point is every couple has their own version of the terms of their relationship same holds true for open relationships so unless you know the terms both parties agree to, you do not know if she is cheating.

Post # 9
Member
5183 posts
Bee Keeper

TOTALLY their buisness. I dont even think about other peoples affairs unless it will affect someone I love and care about. IF its without the consent of her husband (and you kind of have to be totally sure… maybe she tells him later and it turns him on.. who knows) I personally would consider it cheating. But what they consider cheating is totally up to them. What they are comfortable with is up to them.. and more power to em! 

Post # 10
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

It…actually sounds like she’s worse than cheating, it sounds like she’s toeing the line of rape with some people at least.  Unless your Fiance is lying.  16?  Sounds a bit sketchy.

But, you don’t know if she’s cheating without knowing what she and her husbands have agreed to.  Some open relationships involving having as much sex with as many unknowns as you want; I have only met one couple in a relationship like that, though, and there were some SM things going on and it was sort of one-sided.  But anyway, most people I know in open relationships do have boundaries like the ones you’re describing; that doesn’t mean everyone does.

Post # 12
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I have some experience with the open marriage thing.  My husband is ok with me having sex with other guys, as long as he approves every encounter before it happens…even if it’s with the same guy over and over.  If he says no it doesn’t happen.  If she’s doing stuff behind her husband’s back and keeping it hidden, then it’s cheating in my opinion. 

Post # 13
Member
243 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

This is totally cheating. I would tell her Fiance about it. If she loved him she could keep her pants on or at least be open with him about the fact that she can’t keep her pants on. Things are unlikely to change when they’re married and I think it’s more kind to let her Fiance know before he seals the deal. 

Post # 15
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@AcheneMalefic:  I take it back.  No toeing the line.  She assaulted your Fiance.  If the genders were reversed, no one would doubt it.  It’s a real thing that happens to men and is severely underreported.

If I were you, I would do anything I could to take the lovely little piece of trash down.  I would get proof of the statutory and get her arrested.  And hell yes, I would tell her husband about the cheating.  I would want to know if I was married to someone who did that to people, and I’d want to know if I was married to someone who was cheating on me.

This may be terrible advice.  My blood is boiling.  I can’t tell you how angry I am.

Post # 16
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

The age of consent is 16 in the following 29 states and the District:

Alabama, Alaska, Arkansas, Connecticut, District of Columbia, Georgia, Hawaii, Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, Minnesota, Mississippi, Montana, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, North Carolina, Ohio, Oklahoma, Rhode Island, South Carolina, South Dakota, Vermont, Washington, West Virginia

If the deed occured in one of these states, it’s not statuatory rape.
 

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