(Closed) Opening my mail…am I being unreasonable?

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
5950 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

I don’t know….I’m sorry your upset and I could see how you might be, but I don’t really care what Mr. 99 sees, opens or answers….I’ve got nothing to hide and if something is amiss odds are good he’ll notice and I won’t.  That being said, if I thought he was doing it to be controlling, manilpulative or because he didn’t trust me, then we would have talk about it.  Hope it works out!

Post # 4
1486 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@Bellagiobride:  I wouldn’t (and don’t) think twice about DH opening my mail, and I open his, unless it’s something fun like a letter or package I think he’d want to open himself.

The calls however would bother me, unless you were unable to answer the phone for some reason.  DH is required to be on call for work, so if he is driving, he has had me answer his phone before.  But it’s always when (1) he says so, (2) he is literally right next to me, and (3) I say to whoever it is “I can relay the information to him now if it’s important, or he can call you back when we stop the car.”  This has gone both ways.

Post # 5
9916 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

My fiance will open mail if I get something while I’m away, but he calls me first to ask.  It’s not right for him to open your mail without asking!  Maybe get a PO Box and tell him it’s because you don’t want junk mail coming to the house.  Then he won’t even see your mail.

Post # 6
10361 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I don’t care if my husband opens my mail – what on earth could be the downside of that? I guess I don’t understand. I don’t really ever get “real” mail anyway.

My husband will answer my phone if it’s family or a friend. But again, I almost never talk on the phone. My whole life is pretty much online.

Post # 7
2522 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I dunno, unless it’s an acceptance letter for something where I would specifically want to open it first, I don’t care. When you’re married, your bills are his, etc. It wouldn’t bother me.

Post # 8
5427 posts
Bee Keeper

If your name is not on the mail – it’s not yours to open without permission.

If it is not your business – you do not answer the phone without permission.

How simple is that? It’s straight forward common sense.

Post # 9
1837 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

in theory, i would be annoyed but irl i wouldnt care b/c i barely open my own mail.

Post # 10
3696 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I really don’t care if my husband opens the mail, but he’s terrible about it, so it’s usually me opening it all and reminding him to pay bills.  🙂  I will get mad if he opens a package for me.. but because I love opening packages! 

I think it’s fair to tell him hands off your mail, but I can see his side, too.  I’d not open my husbands if he said not to, but its a non-issue for us, and I never ask to do it now.  So – you talked about it, told him how you feel, give him some time and see how it goes.  One of those things you’re learning about each other. 

Post # 11
289 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

View original reply
@Nona99:  +1, he can open it if he wants, my mail usually sucks anyways

Post # 12
2295 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Taking your business calls?? How does that even work? Do you have a separate business line and he answers it when you aren’t home? My business calls all come to my cell phone (and most of them are identified), it would seem totally odd for either of us to answer each others’ cell phones without being asked.

I’d want to open my own personal mail (cards from friends, etc), but I don’t get much in the mail otherwise, and all our finances would be joined, so most mail that will come in will be joint. But I’d be annoyed if he opened a card or something that was addressed only to me, because part of the fun is opening it!

Post # 13
585 posts
Busy bee

Hmmm. If it’s in a controlling or manipulative thing, then I’d say that’s a problem, but it’s a sympom of a bigger problem. Not that he’s not entitled to be privvy to your business, but I do think it’s odd that he makes it a point to open your mail (if I’m understand you right).

If my SO started doing this, I’d be baffled as well. We are open about everything, but i don’t open his stuff unless I have a specific reason. Maybe your husband just doesn’t see it as odd, I dunno?

Post # 14
2103 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I can see both sides. I occasionally open my husband’s mail….usually if it’s been sitting unopened for a period of time and I’m not certain if it’s important or if I can trash it, but I would not open it in any other circumstance. We all need a certain ammount of autonomy and that’s just one of those things, IMO.

Post # 15
811 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

We open our own mail. I would never even think about opening SuperFine’s mail unless he asked me to specifically.

Post # 16
1312 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

If he opened my mail I would find it odd (because our finances and all accounts are totally separate) and I don’t know how I would react. Because we’ve never opened each other’s mail, I think it would make me feel uncomfortable and I know he would be pissed if I started opening his mail. I think if this is what works for you and has always been the case, he needs to continue to respect that. 

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