Post # 1
I know this isn’t wedding related, but I’ve had support here in the past about a previous relationship.
Anywho, I need opinions.
I’ve been set-up with a really nice guy. He’s 31. We went out on one date, and we’ve set up a second one.
I found out through a mutual friend that he got around quite a bit in his younger days. He didn’t really date one specific girl. I asked her if she would honestly recommend him , and her response was, “Not when I knew him, but like I said, that was a long time ago. He may be completely different.”
It scares me. I know it’s easy to say that you have to give him a chance, and I want to. However, easier said than done. I really do like the guy, and we have a lot in common. What is your opinion on this?
Post # 2
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with dating around as long as he wasn’t leading anyone on or being a complete asshole. I would just say be open, let him shoot his shot, but watch for flags (which I think is the routine for dating anyone new regardless).
Post # 3
If we were all judged based on things we did years ago….
Give the guy a chance. You can even address your fears and concerns with him, and see how he handles an explanation. But don’t throw the baby out with the bath water.
Lots of “notorious bachelors” settle down, look at George Clooney.
Post # 4
How long ago was it? If it’s been more than a few years I’d say it’s entirely possible he’s grown up and not judge him based on his past.
Post # 5
Shuddering to even entertain the thought that I could be judged by the stuff I did in my twenties. . . Oh, that peculiar decade many decades ago during which the most pressing issue on my mind was—do they have a live band tonight?
The dancing on tabletops thing you heard about me—all true.
OP, you don’t have to elope. You’ve been on ONE date. Slow down, get to know him as a person. If you are concerned about his past with women, wait longer to have sex with him.
Post # 6
Reputations follow. If his current reputation is that he’s a player then he’s a player. If his past reputation is player but he has a different reputation now then it’s different now and his past doesn’t much matter. If it’s not so defined, he’s probably a player. But many men & women quit playing eventually. I dated around a lot before I met my husband. When I met him I really only wanted to play with him.
If I liked the guy I’d proceed with caution and not dismiss any red flags.
Post # 7
It depends. I’d go into with an open mind, but if this is really any issue to you, decide if it’s a deal breaker early.
I had my share of fun before meeting Fiance, but as soon as I met him I completely stopped playing around. About a year in, Fiance started having a hard time trusting me because he found out some things from my past. I don’t regret the decisions I made and luckily Fiance got past his own concerns, but if he hadn’t figured out that my past was just that, my PAST, I don’t think we’d have been able to move forward.
Post # 8
erin013 : Go on your second date and third and fourth and judge him by that. Your past doesn’t necessarily dictate your future. I wasn’t a wild one in my younger days but I had a few friends that were. They are all now happily married in a monogamous relationship.
This guy could potentially be looking to settle down and a guy in his 30s who accepts a blind date set up by someone they know is most probably looking for serious and not a casual fling. Let’s be honest if your looking for a wild time you can find it on apps or in bars. Give him a chance and use your perception to guide you as to where to go from here.
Post # 9
As long as he didn’t do anything illegal like straight up murder somone then I say give him a chance. People change all the time as they get older so chances are who he is now could be a completely different person than who he was at 21.
Post # 10
Lots of my friends dated like this in college. Most are in stable, committed relatrelationships or have had long-term relationships after.
It’s one date, not marriage. And her response was he dated a lot. Not he was a liar or a date rapist or a misogynist. People are allowed to have pasts. Judge him on his merits for yourself instead of asking people who peripherally knew him years ago.
Post # 11
Well.. All of my colleague said my SO was a playboy (I’m new in the office and he’s been awhile there). He was well known to approach all new single ladies. Every time I talk to someone, they will gossip that he was approaching A and B and C etc. One of my friend even tell me that he used to like her and so I lost my interest lol.
Anyway he still approach me nicely and we became friends. Then I realize that he is that super super nice and friendly guys that many times express to much care, therefore mistaken alot lol.
So I vote for know him better and you can see for yourself what kind of men he is. Sometimes not what everyone says is true.
Post # 12
Well I don’t believe you have to do anything. So, if you don’t want to then don’t.
However, I also don’t think it’s fair to judge something necessarily, at least in this context, on their sexual/dating history.
If you plan on being intimate then I would certainly insist you both get tested first for safety but that would be the same as with any new partner.
You clearly like him and enjoyed his company before having the information shared. So, really you have to ask yourself why you’re letting that dictate you from getting to know him. Nothing is written in stone. If it goes somewhere it does and if it doesn’t then it doesn’t. You could have met a guy that had a hefty past with no one that knew of it to tell you…so, having those details for this guy, what does it matter in just getting to know him further and assuming he was safe? As far intentions go, you’ll have to gauge it the same way you would for anyone you go on dates with so really no difference.
Post # 13
I would be upfront and ask him about it. If he’s truthful, I would give him a chance. However, if you are extremely uncomfortable, maybe leave now. It’s unfair to give him a bad start because of stuff he did before you even knew he existed.
Post # 14
- Wedding: April 29th, 2016
erin013 : I’d treat it the same way you’d treat any new potential partner. Take things slow and look out for red flags. Talk about his dating history. He might volunteer some information that could clarify things. If he did “get around” back in the day then maybe make sure that you talk about STD testing before things get physical, but again, I’d do that with anyone I was planning to be intimate with in the first place. I’d give him a chance since you hit it off enough to schedule a second date.
Post # 15
- Wedding: September 2005 - A Castle
My husband was this person. We have been together for almost 15 years, married for 12.
Who he was at 18 was not who he was when I met him at 28. Give the guy a chance.