(Closed) opinionated friend likes to shoot down all my ideas

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

well, until the wedding, stop talking to her about it. if it does nothing but stress you out, why invite it on yourself?

Post # 4
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

It’s so frustrating when people feel free to weigh in with unsoilcited opinions and negative feedback.

Agree that your best course of action is to stop discussing the wedding.   Just change the subject or be vague when it comes up.

Post # 5
Member
241 posts
Helper bee

I agree that I wouldn’t talk about the wedding to her at all and she she does ask and you do answer and she says a rule, just say that you don’t think what’s right for one person is right for everyone.

Post # 6
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Why are you involving her so much in your planning/life decisions? Honestly, she’s being rude but you’re the one who is opening the door for her critiques by letting her know every detail of your upcoming wedding. So either stop telling her everything or stop getting offended when she rips your plans apart.

Post # 7
Member
602 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I agree with other posters. It’s time to stop telling her so many details.

Post # 8
Member
159 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

umm… not to sound rude but who is getting married, her or you? Do whatever you want (however you want) and just ignore her. It’s your wedding and who cares what she thinks.

Post # 9
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

Personally I like your ideas for the centerpieces, bridesmaids dresses, and your dress sounds beautiful.

Just don’t tell her anything else from now on. Next time she asks about anything just say something non-committal like “things are going really well” or “I’m getting really excited for the wedding” or “I’ve decided to keep some things a surprise.”

She’s being rude, but if you don’t tell her what you are doing, she can’t state her opinion on it!

Post # 10
Member
400 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Don’t tell her anything, my mom told me early on in my planning don’t talk about your wedding with everyone.  People have different opinions and thoughts and some will crap on your ideas its your wedding, once they get there they will like it if not they can leave.  Also she is being rude i wouldn’t even invite her.

Post # 11
Member
565 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@felloutofbed: I feel ya ! I have had some of the same experiences , you just need to try to keep all the details to yourself. Some people think there is only one way a wedding can be done, the traditional way. It’ s like theres a traditional wedding bible out there somewhere and it has very devoted followers (many of which aren’t even getting married, or had / will have their wedding that way one day).  I have NOTHING against traditional weddings, they can be beautiful , but I am also a nontraditional bride in some ways (alcohol, bridesmaid dresses, getting married outside and on a friday, etc etc.) It is true, you will never be able to please EVERYONE, everyone has an opinion. 9 times out of 10 half the people you tell will say that’s an awesome idea and the other half will tell you it’s ridiculous. Just make your wedding your way , so when you look back on pictures you will relish on how beautiful and perfect that day was for you and your husband. Everyone else there will love it and to those that judge your every detail should keep their mouths shut, unless they wish the same upon theirselves for their own wedding.

(steps off the platform lol.)

Post # 13
Member
1698 posts
Bumble bee

Well, a question: has this person already had her own wedding? Is she engaged?

If not, you might want to start deflecting her comments back to her with a line like “oh? Is that what you are planning to do for your wedding?” If you want to raise the ante, you can add comebacks such as “it sounds like your tastes are pretty conventional.” You can even apear to agree with her by saying something like “yes, that is the common trend at weddings these days, isn’t it?” or even, “yes, that’s how I would follow the crowd — if I wanted to.”

Post # 14
Member
5095 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Hang in there. There are LOTS of us doing things that are non-traditional.  I’m keeping my name, which reflects exactly nothing about my devotion to my FH.  (Next time she says something to you about that, ask why your FH shouldn’t be devoted enough to you to take YOUR name?)  I’m not having a wedding party at all, but I also would have let them pick their own dresses.  My dress won’t be all white. Etc. 

And you know what? It will be ok. 🙂 

 

Post # 15
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I think non traditional is becoming the new traditional anyway. 

Post # 16
Member
785 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@felloutofbed:  I think you’ve just hit the nail on the head:  “she is also very VERY anxious to get married, she has already picked a date for her wedding even though her boyfriend hasn’t proposed.”

She’s not just projecting her wedding plans onto yours, she’s outright jealous and venting her feelings by trying to make it sound like your wedding is going to be a train wreck.  I would definitely stop telling her any of your wedding plans, because her comments are extremely toxic.  If she is still being really negative even after you stop openly discussing your plans with her, I would reconsider keeping her as a friend and even inviting her to your wedding.  Good friends don’t behave like this under any circumstances.

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