(Closed) Opinions Needed! How should I start “the talk” with him?

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: When should we have "the talk"?
    ASAP You have a baby and two years is plenty of time to be ready to talk! : (24 votes)
    73 %
    When you're ready to leave him! : (0 votes)
    If he doesn't propose in the next few years. : (1 votes)
    3 %
    Never bring it up. : (1 votes)
    3 %
    Just keep dropping hints for another six months.. : (0 votes)
    Tell him to shape up or hit the road.. : (7 votes)
    21 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1854 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2009

    I guess a addressed this in your other post earlier… I think you should have the talk as soon as possible.

    I would first assess if you two want to be together forever before discussing marriage. If you decide that you want to be together, then discuss a timeline for marriage. Maybe he is not ready right now, but if you can agree on some sort of timeline that you would both be comfortable with, it will calm your worries, let you enjoy your relationship and solidify it before you enter marriage together.

    You say when you bring your future up, he blows it off. How do you bring it up?

    Post # 4
    Member
    806 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    Give him every chance to not blow you off.  Mid week, you could say, this weekend, I’d like us to really sit down and talk about our family and our plans for the next few years.  Get him primed for it so he can’t be busy or say it’s not a good time.  If he still won’t have a serious non-avoiding talk with you then I think you have your answer… not gonna happen any time soon.

    Post # 7
    Member
    277 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I think the car analogies would be a very bad way of bringing up this conversation. First of all, you aren’t a car, you aren’t trying to sell yourself to him (and if you are, why?). Second of all, he’s an adult, he doesn’t need you to speak to him in riddles and analogies.

    If you’ve already had a talk and agreed when you’re out of school, he may be thinking of proposing when you’re out of school.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1854 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2009

    Ok, so you have agreed that you’d get married in about 2 and a half years, he knows that for that to happen, he’d have to propose within 6 months.

    What exactly do you want to talk about, or get out of that talk?

    I think if you already agreed on a timeline, then you have to drop the subject, enjoy the relationship, and revisit the subject if he hasn’t proposed by the time you agreed on. For now, talking about it won’t change anything.

     

    Post # 9
    Member
    527 posts
    Busy bee

    I agree with prettyflowers.  Men need direct and honest communication.  If you dance around the subject, he’ll continue to put it off.

    Post # 10
    Member
    1936 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    I’m a bit confused. It seems from your other post that he isn’t ready for marriage, and he’s told you such. Having a conversation about it will not change the outcome. If he’s told you that he wants to be with you forever (and you believe him), constantly talking about marriage and engagements is only going to put it off further since he has said that he isn’t ready yet.   And just out of curiosity, did you agree that you WOULD get married in 2.5 years or that is the earliest that he/you would be ready? Those are two very different scenarios. Maybe he sees that you finishing college is the earliest he would consider it, but that doesn’t necessarily mean he wants to get engaged within the 6 months and married 2 years after that, just that he would consider that to be a good time to *BEGIN* thinking about getting engaged? Also, i do not recommend getting engaged now if he isn’t ready to get married, even if you intend to have a long engagement. I think you’ll both end up really hurt in that situation. My best advice to you is find out his timeline for marriage so you have an idea, and then just let.it.go. But if he is not ready, you need to decide what is best for you. Dropping hints might work in some situations, but let’s be serious – you already have a child together, have already discussed marriage, he KNOWS you’re thinking about it, so dropping hints is only going to annoy him. 

    And honestly, I think there is nothing wrong with waiting a bit longer. You are so young, and just because you have a child together does not mean you need to get married any sooner. I know you want your child to have parents who are married, but I think its more important in the long run that the parents are ready for marriage and that commitment.

    Also, for the future, I would suggest posting this in the “waiting” Board, there are lots of us over there who are waiting on a proposal so you’re bound to get all sorts of advice from those who are in sort of similar situations.

    Post # 12
    Member
    2588 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    @Alkealru: He is passive-aggressive…uh, I’d get out now.

    The topic ‘Opinions Needed! How should I start “the talk” with him?’ is closed to new replies.

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