(Closed) Opinions on age at engagement/age at marriage/first love

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
6124 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m also not so big on the first love thing either.  I mean you need to see what is out there first!

If you return to your first love, then super, but I hope the couple realizes that people change and age, and they are not perhaps the same person they were when they were first in love (aka don’t try to relive that original feeling or go soley by it).

I was married at 25 the first time and that was not a good idea.
 

Post # 4
Member
8472 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

I feel you should go out, date, and have fun with your friends, especially in your 20’s.  I don’t think you should marry your first and one love as well because it doesn’t give you the opportunity to do what I previously said.  I think 28+ is a good age to get engaged, especially if you’ve gotten all the dating and partying out of your system.

Post # 6
Member
9198 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

I am marrying my first and only love… but it will be 13 years after we first fell in love at age 17, and we’ve had a few short relationships in between with others.  (We made ourselves break up before college so we wouldn’t be tied down while across the country.)  Neither of us are the “high school sweetheart” type, so it’s kind of crazy – but our relationship is so so wonderful and he’s the most loving, supportive, adventurous, fun wonderful partner I could ever imagine. 

I do agree that marriage before age 25 (23 maybe?) is iffy, because people change SO much in their early 20s.  Only really great relationships can adapt to that change.  So so grateful that ours did!

Post # 7
Member
1292 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I don’t know. My mom met my dad when she was only 15. They’ve been married for 30 years now.  They have been very happy.

I, however, feel very thankful that I’ve had more experience and have lived a little before settling down. Though I do sometimes I wish I hadn’t met my fiance at 23 and had a few more years of wild and crazy fun!! I got engaged at 25 and I’m happy with that number. My fiance was 30 when we got engaged..he definitely had plenty of fun years!!

 I have been “in love” before my fiance… (funny though, looking back that “love” was nothing compared to what my fiance and I have!) I have been in 4 relationships that lasted over a year. My fiance, being older, has had more relationships that were a bit longer (His average length of time was 2 year relationships) so he also has had a good amount of experience as well. We both feel happy and content with our history and that we finally have eachother.

As far as everyone else — it’s hard to say what’s right and wrong for other people. One of my best friends got married when she was 20 to her high school sweetheart! Sometimes I feel bad that she didn’t experience more people and relationships but they are very happy.

Post # 8
Member
384 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

That’s a good idea as a general rule, but you can’t apply that to all relationships. Some first relationships are just meant to last and there are plenty of marriages which begin when the couple where in their early 20’s which last a long time. It depends entirely on how mature the couple are and how well they get along.

Post # 9
Member
277 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@jellybeangreen246:  Could not disagree more.  You’re certainly right about some cases, but I don’t feel you can make a blanket statement that everyone MUST wait until 25 and date at least x number of people first.

Yes, people change and grow as they get older, but there are definitely cases where you can change and grow together.  I’m marrying my first love and I have never once wished I’d “seen what else is out there”.  

Post # 10
Member
2116 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I feel like it’s just different for everyone, and it really isn’t my business to have an opinion on someone else’s age.

 

Except maybe my daughter.

 

But we’ll address that when we get there.

Post # 11
Member
9578 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

For most people I think it is a good idea to go out, date around, have some different relationships, take time to really learn about who you are and what you want out of life before you can determine what you really want and need in a partner for life.

I think most of us need this to be happy in the long run.  There are a few that will find this early, but I almost think they are lucky more than anything.  Lucky they found someone so compatible that was able to grow with them as well.

For most people, I don’t think they should get engaged until after 25.  There are exceptions.  I watched 6 friends get married young (25 or younger), only 1 couple is still together.  And I’m 28.  They all lasted ehhh 3 years give or take.

Post # 12
Member
4439 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

I think it depends a LOT on maturity, I’m 23 so must of you would say I’m too young but oh my have I been through other relationships that were TERRIBLE.  So I’m confident that I know what I want and Fiance and I are good for eaach other 🙂

Post # 13
Member
925 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I married my first real love, and I am happy in that decision. In fact, I always wanted to so as not to suffer that kind of heartbreak. I dated others but I knew not to fall in love with the ones I really didn’t see a future with. 

I agree with the 25 age thing, though. It may be slightly different for different people but I feel like you are still changing so much as a person up until then.I know there are relationships where they married young and it works out, and I am always so happy to hear that. I have just heard too many horror stories of couples who marry pretty young. 

Post # 14
Member
2065 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I’d say it’s different for everyone. If you approach a marriage in your very early 20’s with the idea that you have to be able to grow together, sure it can work. Out of my group of friends/acquaintenaces that married before 25, only 3 couples are still married and we’re 27/28ish. But of course that’s all anecdotal, so that’s not to say you MUST BE 25 to have a shot at a successful marriage. And it’s not like I can talk, I got married at 26 and my husband was 31. Whatever makes you happy.

Post # 15
Member
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I agree with you on the first love part, not so much the age part. That varies by individual. Some people know what they want at 20, some people don’t mature until they’re 40. I am biased though, as I am getting married at 24 🙂

Post # 16
Member
2966 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

You can’t put a rule on people’s feelings, and there isn’t only one way to have a happy long lasting marriage. There is plenty of first love marriages that last forever and there are second marriages that turn into third and fourth ones. 

My parents got married at 22 and 27. They have been married for 25 years and going strong. FH’s parents were married at 18 and 23, they have been married for 35 years and also going strong..they were all first love marriages. 

I’d have to be very narrow minded to think that there has to be a time frame.

You can’t generalize love, it’s too complex.

Random: This reminds me of that commercial that says “Love is better the second time around”. I guess it works as a marketing tool. 

EDIT: And the whole thing with “you have to find out what’s out there” just irritates me. People have to think twice before they get involved with someone and then unless there is things fundementally wrong with that person, you make it work! You can’t find a perfect partner, but you make what you have as close to perfect as you can by working together. I wish I had found FH on the first try, it would have saved me experiences with a**holes who never deserved my time of day! 

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