Post # 1
Fi and I have been living together since June, we got engaged just before Christmas, and we were talking about doing the big wedding in about a year and a half. Just a side note, it’s my second wedding,his first. We wanted to have a traditional wedding. But…
I am currently in my final semester of grad school. My health insurance is through my school. It just occurred to me that when I turn my thesis in this summer, I will lose my medical insurance. And bc of the field I’m in, it might take a while to find full time work with health insurance benefits. My Fiance has great coverage on his plan. The past year has not been a good one for me health wise. I’ve been chronically ill and in and out of the hospitals all year as the doctors are running tests to see what is causing the problems. This has been financially taxing on us with my school insurance so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I have no insurance. As a result Fiance and I were talking about going down to City Hall with immediate family on his side (not sure mine would make it since they’re halfway acrossed the country). We were thinking maybe city hall followed by a BBQ at his parent’s house…pretty much just about 10 people.
I would also be interested in any basic elopement package here–maybe a carriage or a gondola ride with just us and the officiant and then come back to our immediate family in the park and then back home for a poolside BBQ for dinner with our family. We were leaning toward not telling anyone and just having our original wedding as we had planned in a year and a half. Any thoughts? Elope or not? City hall or something in the park? Or other suggestions.
Post # 3
@arabesque0128: Two of my close friends got married at City Hall for just that reason – she was losing her insurance, but could get on his insurance if they got legally married before the end of the month. So one afternoon, they took the afternoon off and – along with me and another friend of ours as witnesses – went to City Hall and got married. It was kind of fun! The groom picked up a bunch of bodega flowers for the bride to carry, the other witness and I snuck off to the gift shop to buy wedding-themed bubbles and then we all walked to Chinatown for dumplings and BYOB champagne afterwards. Both sets of their parents knew about it ahead of time and were fine with not being present.
They went on to have a lovely traditional wedding a few months later, which everyone treated as if they were actually getting legally married that day. I don’t think they kept it a secret from the other guests, though I’m not really sure. All of our friends knew about it, though, and no one told us to keep it quiet, so I can only assume everyone knew. I’ve read things on WB about how people don’t get as excited for a wedding if the couple is already legally married, or they don’t bring gifts or whatever, but I don’t think this couple had that experience at all.
Post # 4
I would just do the city hall thing and then have a big wedding later, but I’m a bit biased 😉
Post # 5
First, are you sure his workplace doesn’t offer Domestic Partner benefits? If it does, you can get on his insurance without being married. Ask him to check with his HR.
If you do want to elope first though, my brother and SIL did a family only wedding at City Hall before their big shebang, and it was great. Really short and sweet and it is like the happiest place on earth, everyone is in love.
Post # 6
yeah, check with his employer first, but if I was in your shoes I’d do a small, simple City Hall thing and then keep on your original wedding plans.
Post # 7
I am in a similar position. The insurance through grad school was far too expensive so I have been without for a year. I’m looking for jobs now but I really can’t keep going without for much longer. I had an inner ear infection and dropped $250 at the dr recently. Thankfully, Fiance has good insurance so I will be on his soon. But insurance was a contributing factor (a minor one, but still a factor) in deciding to elope.
I actually looked at NYC elopement packages when we first decided to go with this option…here’s what I had found
Post # 8
You should take care of your health insurance, that can drain your wedding fund pretty quick.
One option is, like you say, get married at city hall. You, FH and witnesses.
Then take your time to plan your wedding and have a symbolic ceremony at the wedding. Your marriage would be your own little secret 🙂
You can also get the License at city hall, and then find a registered wedding officiant (like me!, http://www.knotbythesea.com) and have a very nice elopement ceremony in any of New York City Hallmarks; OR you can have a BBQ Ceremony in the backyard…. with alittle creativity everything is possible.
A few months later you can plan your reception.
Best wishes… but yes… take care of your health insurance.
Post # 9
I think you should go for it! Make it fun and enjoy it but still get yourself taken care of 🙂 When we started planning I thought I wanted this big traditional wedding but have realized that neither of us wants that and we don’t really have the funds or enough funds from family to make that happen. We would much rather get him on my health insurance, put money towards buying a house and I would like to focus on grad school so I can get it all done earlier than later (Would’ve been posponing quite awhile for big wedding planning).
Whatever you decide, good luck and enjoy!
Post # 10
Thanks everyone for the responses and suggestions. We’ve decided to go ahead and do something small for now, but we’re still working out the details. We’ve already hit almost $10,000 in medical bills already this year so our wedding budget is completely shot (especially because our original intent was to do the unthinkable and have a NJ/NYC wedding for way under that). His insurance is free for both of us and covers about 100% as long as we get the proper referrals, no pre-existing conditions (as per NYC law/regulations), and they will add me on as of our wedding date. Fiance checked with HR and domestic partnership is not an option.
I’m leaning away from city hall just because of my own spiritual beliefs so now we’re trying to figure out the cheapest way to do something else. We’re leaning toward a small ceremony in Central Park (5-10 people max since my family won’t be able to make it) followed by a BBQ at his parent’s house in the Bronx. We’ve also considered doing everything at their house–they have a small pool in the backyard so it could look beautiful with a little help, but I’m not sure how I feel about that–mostly because I have this sentimental attachment to going back and visiting on our anniversaries and I know they’re trying to move out of the house). Any thoughts are welcome on that one…
I think I might try to find a simple (i.e. cheap) wedding dress with a corset back (part of my medical problems means severe bloating where my measurements change about 6″ a day so I can’t think of any other way to guarantee that any other dress I buy is going to fit). Fiance is leaning toward wearing something he already owns. We found his ring drastically marked down for $50 and I’m looking at a sterling silver moonstone ring for hopefully about the same. My closest friend is a photographer and volunteered to take some photos for us. We’ll probably pick up some flowers at the bodega and I’ll make my own bouquet. Then all we have to do is find an officiant and pick a location and date.
Xweetgal, if you don’t mind PM’ing me, I’d love to get an idea of rates…