Post # 1
My fiance and I don’t have much to spend on wedding favors, maybe $100 or so. Because of this, I have been looking into various alternatives, but nothing seems to fit. It’s 3 am and I have an idea and would like to bounce it off the hive.
Here’s what I propose, in lieu of spending the $100 on some stale candy, I would like to make a donation in honor of my guests to the Human Rights Campaign in support of LGBT marriage. While the cause is something I feel strongly about, I realize that not all my guests will feel the same way. However, my idea is to make an announcement about the donation during the reception and invite those who would like to participate to sign a letter or card to be sent along with the donation. I also would like to ask those who disagree to do so respectfully, as not to cause any tension or arguments at the wedding.
It is my hope that everyone will be respectful of each other, but it does worry me a little bit that someone will have a nasty attitude about it. However, this is something that is important to me and I don’t want to worry about stepping on toes. It is afterall, my wedding.
So, ladies, what do you think?
(If it matters, I’m getting married in Mesa, Arizona on October 23, 2010 and i have guests attending from um, everywhere.)
Post # 3
Favors aren’t exactly a necessity. I know I never go to a wedding expecting them. If it was me, I’d just donate the $100 worth of favor money. I don’t think it’s necessary to say, “You may have noticed you don’t have a little mesh bag filled with gross candy-coated-almonds, but don’t worry, we put that money to good use.”
Post # 4
we are doing donations in lieu of favors – instead we are home printng up little cards to let them know which charities they are going to (one is St Judes for my FH, and the other is NAAF for me) ours arent controversial charities – both are related to myself or FH (as a sufferer or as a charity we always donate to that folks know).
i would suggest that you do the same thing. no need to make an announcement of it.
Post # 5
We are making a donation as well. There is a line at the bottom of our ceremony programs that says “In lieu of favours a donation has been made on your behalf to X”. Might be easier and less awkward to write about it than to talk about it.
Post # 6
I agree, put a little note on the menu or your programs that says “In lieu of favors….”. If you really want to send a card, you can put it next to your guestbook with a sign to explain. People can either sign it or not, they can be grown ups and decide for themselves. I don’t think the announcement is necessary.
Post # 7
I also don’t think the announcement is necessary. It will give people who disagree an opportunity to voice dissent. Also there may be guests who respectfully disagree and you wouldn’t want to make people feel uncomfortable.
Post # 8
Mmm, I think this is risky. I just don’t think a wedding should be turned into a political forum. It’s nice to think that people will be respectful, but I wouldn’t count on any people that are homophobic to be respectful. Additionally, it’ll be what your guests end up talking about for the rest of the night. And with this kind of favor, you’ve automatically not provided a favor for anyone that doesn’t want to sign the card.
Your intentions are good but I’d skip the favor or find something less politically and socially charged.
Post # 9
Thank you for sharing your opinions.
Post # 10
I agree with “in lieu of favors” – people really shouldn’t be offended as long as you avoid the “a donation has been made in your name/honor” – I think it’s fine to stand up for something you believe in as long as you’re being respectful about it. There are plenty of people who don’t agree with organizations like PETA or whatever, and I don’t think it’d be a big deal. Maybe just have it written out in the programs or on a sign rather than an announcement – or you could have a little card explaining it at each table.
Post # 11
We are donating too but instead of the cards we are making a sign to display near the escort cards so people can read about the cause. We will use the phrasing “in lieu of traditional wedding favors…” followed with some explanation of what the charity does. I think this or the cards is a better way of doing it than an announcement. Plus having something passed around to sign might offend people if they disagree with you. It draws enough but not too much attention to your cause by having a sign or card.
Post # 12
Perhaps you could honor your charity with a little white ribbon knot that supportive folks can where on their lapels, if they choose. We are not making a donation, but offering knots for those interested in wearing them, in honor of the fact that LGBT folks do not have the right to wed in all states. If people don’t want to wear it, they dont have to. That said, I doubt anyone would put up a big stink at a wedding because they didn’t like how the B&G spent THEIR OWN money! Good luck and great choice!
Post # 13
I think the donation is a great idea. But I would say “we have made a donation in lieu of favors to the human rights campaign, an organization that is very important to us. For more information go to blah blha blah website.” If they are asked to sign a card, for me as a guest that’s like, cool, they’re judging their guests. It’s like whoever doesn’t sign it, the bride and groom know and then feel like they’re “against” it. I think that would cause hurt feelings and weirdness. No matter WHAT you do do NOT tell people to be mature about it. Unless you know your family is crazy and would throw a scene, telling adults to disagree respectfully insults their maturity.
And agree with PP’s, don’t say it’s a donation IN THEIR NAME. Just in leiu of favors.
Post # 14
we donated to two animal shelters. originally we were going to make a framed announcement but the night before the wedding it still wasn’t done…so we scarpped the announcement and donated without saying anyhting to the guests. It wasn’t missed at all!
Post # 15
I like kjpugs idea of saying “human rights organization”. Also here is another possible idea. I have heard of people having cards at the tables saying “in lieu of favors we would like to donate money to one of these charities”…and then choose 1 or 2 more and they can check the box. Maybe one that is non-political such as St. Judes or an association that does reasearch for an illness that runs in your family or affects someone you know. I would love to check LGBT but I guess some people don’t feel the same. Also, know your audience! Hope this helps.